MOVED

I'VE MOVED MY BLOG

2011-10-18T19:59:00.001-04:00

Follow it here http://colormeneurotic.blogspot.com/2011/10/good-luck-chuck.html … please : )

Moved Blogs!

2011-09-26T09:00:00.000-04:00

Happy Monday!! And to continue following me, please go here - http://colormeneurotic.blogspot.com : )

Moved

2011-09-23T21:13:00.001-04:00

If this post is in your feed, you are most likely not following me. Please follow me here - http://colormeneurotic.blogspot.com

Moved.

2011-09-23T09:30:00.000-04:00

I wiped out my blog and started it over, please click on the below link and follow me there : )

http://colormeneurotic.blogspot.com

Moved!

2011-09-22T09:30:00.000-04:00

I wiped out everything in my blog - please follow it here http://colormeneurotic.blogspot.com

Thank you!

MOVED!

2011-09-21T12:23:00.001-04:00

I've decided it was time for a change and moved my blog here - http://colormeneurotic.blogspot.com

Please follow!

Starting over, yet again.

2011-09-20T21:54:00.001-04:00

I wanted a new start, so I moved my blog over.

Follow it here please - http://colormeneurotic.blogspot.com

Change is definitely needed.

2011-09-20T14:07:00.001-04:00

It seems like it has been forever since I began this blog, especially when you think about where I was in my life.

Then? I was 22 years old and had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was 40 lbs heavier, still dealing with the pain of a breakup and having it screw me up with dating other men. I had no job and had bled my savings dry. Obviously, I was in a bad place.

Now? I am 24 years old (still not used to saying this), have had a decent-paying job for over a year and a half, and am more than halfway done with court reporting school. I'm still single but it is a choice that I have made. I just have more important things to worry about in life than if a boy is going to call me or if he feels the same way that I do. Not to say that I will turn away a man who sweeps me off my feet, but I am definitely holding out for someone who is worth the frustration.

I am just now starting to let go of the thought that I have wasted away the last six years of my life. Although in an ideal world, I would have graduated school in 2009 and (hopefully) have a job, I would not be where I was today if I had done things correctly. I don't know if I would have ever met Tight Wad, and even though things do not work out with him, that relationship had taught me a lot about love and life. I don't know if I would be closer and not talking to some of my friends, so I am glad that I am where I am today. It also helps that many of my friends in school are my age or a year or two older, so I am not the only one in this boat. It is just overwhelming to think about the amount of money in loans I will have to pay back before I can catch up with everyone else and move on with my life.

So with all of that said, I feel that this blog needs a change as well. I like the name and really do not feel like going through the trouble of switching names, but I don't feel it is necessary to stay here. I have this name over at Wordpress but am not quite sure how to work that site. Most of the people who have followed this blog have probably forgotten about it anyway, so maybe it will be better to move it over there.

Well, I am definitely not getting any younger...

2011-09-19T13:33:00.000-04:00

It has been about two months since my last post and I can honestly say that I miss it. I will get ideas in my head of what to say but when it comes down to staring at this blank screen, I am just that - blank.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely despise my birthday. Between sharing it all of my life with my grandparent's anniversary, not having any real friends through middle/high school, and having a boyfriend who couldn't care less about it; I have had anything special happen on it. For some reason, unfortunate events always seem to occur on September 17 and this year I was hoping to break the curse.

Friday night after having dinner with a small group of friends, I ended up in a bar that I somewhat despise. I always meet the creepiest of men when I am there and the bar is just over-all grimy. Having one of my pledge sister's boyfriends spot the cover charge for us made it all worth it though. I ended up meeting a girl with almost the exact same tattoo that I have, on her wrist as well. After a while, everyone had to leave earlier, leaving my friend K and I as the last girls standing.

It was then, that something that I had no expectation of happening, occurred - I met a guy. It started off with me kissing him on the cheek for luck during his pool game (he won!) and ended up with him and I discussing Sigmund Freud and our life dreams at 3AM in a bar. Feeling elated that I not only met a cute guy, but an intelligent one at that, I dismissed myself to use the restroom as he promised to be there when I returned. After some bathroom fun (an entire group of girls singing Happy Birthday to me), I decided to return to my suitor, to only realize that he was GONE. Apparently, he was walking over towards K (who knows his friend) and busted his ass, drenching himself with my drink and his. Also, their other friend had called telling them to get to the airport for the flight they were on later that day.

I feel like I have had a Craigslist missed-connection. The cynic in me is saying that if he really was interested, he would have made sure I was given his number or vice versa. In reality, he was drenched and probably was concerned with getting the fuck out of there. He also left on a plane a few hours later to go to California and won't be back until late next week. At least K and his friend have each other's numbers so all hope is not lost, yet. I just hate having to deal with middle men and would rather have things happen on my own accord, but whatever.

Thanks to my bladder, I narrowly missed getting my birthday kiss. I guess I really am getting old.

Enough is enough.

2011-07-20T14:18:00.000-04:00

Nearly three months and four drafted posts later, I am finally writing here again. It sounds crazy but I almost feel that my life was more together when I was venting here. So… where do I begin?

Since the last time I posted, I passed both my 80 AND 90 speed tests and moved into the next class. I have also hit my 40-pound mini goal and brought a bunch of new summer clothes that really showed off how far I have come. That was six weeks ago. Since then, I have missed school a bunch of times. I am still doing well in school, as far as my other class is concerned, but I have not passed my 100 test yet. Also, I have been going out to eat a lot with my friends and not sticking to the plan. I haven't gained much weight back at all, but I have noticed that my (new & two sizes smaller) jeans are hugging my hips a little tighter than they were when I brought them.

I have finally hit a breaking point though, but I hate the way it came about. I recently suffered from what I would diagnose as "moderate sun exhaustion" and due to my delirium, I had a dream about Tight Wad. Of course this dream stirred up thoughts about him, the relationship that we had, and most importantly, who I was during our relationship. When we were together, I rarely went to school and had no idea what the fuck I wanted to do with my life. I had no direction in life and this was one of the (many) things that caused our relationship to fail. By screwing up school and my diet, I am regressing back to the person that I used to be. And honestly, I have come too fucking far to do that.

I think my attitude also has a lot to do with this. Something I noticed over the weekend at the beach (first weekend off in a long time - amazing) when telling someone what I go to school for, I always sell myself short. When I usually tell people I am going to school for court reporting, nine times out of ten they say something like "wow, that makes A LOT of money!" This normally causes me to get embarrassed and follow it up with "well, if I can get through school." While yes, any court reporting student will say how difficult it is, but why can't I allow myself to admit that I CAN do this? So what if it is a lucrative career, it shouldn't embarrass me to admit this. Same with weight loss, if someone comments on how great I look, I have to say how far I still have to go.

I will say one thing, I feel amazing when I lose weight and pass a speed test so I need to stop denying myself this. This is the year of me and I am now terrified that I have ruined it and will not achieve the goals that I have set for myself.

The most immature of them all.

2011-04-26T16:51:00.002-04:00

I don't really consider myself a mature person. While yes, I feel as though I finally have a direction in my life and am on the right track, I feel that emotionally I am not there yet. What I am referring to is my impulsive, selfish, and almost naive nature. The person inside of me that has an answer for everything and truly does not know when to keep her mouth shut. The girl who cannot let something just happen, and instead ends up ruining the moment (something which two men I have dated, told me that I do). And last but not least, the girl who expects everything in life to come easy.

Of course there are some points of my immaturity that are attractive. For example, I still feel that there is a perfect man for me out there. I don't want to use the word soulmate because it makes me cringe, but something like that. The man who will lay there with me, my head on his chest, and listen to my dreams while playing with my hair. Who will get every nerdy reference that I make, appreciate my fucked up sense of humor and most important, get me. One who will make me feel like no man has ever made me feel before. I still believe that he is out there and that is the single thing that keeps me going when things do not work out with someone.

I also believe that I can and will make my dreams come true. I sometimes focus on the big picture, which can be taken as a bad thing, but it is what keeps me focused on my goal. My cousin, who is obviously the epitome of all who is mature, often says how this is one of my worse traits and is a reason why I do not have many friends. First off, I do not have many friends because I rarely find people who are worth maintaining a friendship with. Also, not many people understand and "get" me. Second, why the fuck should I not talk about my dreams and probable future?

What should I focus on, the fact that I have eaten nothing but Jenny Craig food for the past few months, not had ONE BITE of candy this Easter season, and cannot sit or stand without feeling soreness? Or the fact that one day in the future I will have an amazing body, shop in stores that I have never dreamed of, and will be able to run a marathon? Which is more appealing and likely to keep me going?

Or how about school; should I focus on the fact that I am beating myself up weekly because of speed tests or the fact that in less than two years from now I will be making six digits and paying off my student loans?

If that is one of the things that make me so unlikeable and immature, then fuck it, I'll keep searching for that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. As for my dream man? I will stick to the belief that I just haven't met him yet.

Nikki's Favorite Things

2011-04-25T13:01:00.003-04:00

In lieu of a post discussing the more serious things that are cluttering my mind, I am giving you this excuse for a post. I hope everyone had a Happy Easter/Passover!

The NOOK Color

This is one of my favorite things that I own and by far, one of the best Christmas gifts I have ever received. I used to read a lot when I was younger and thanks to the NOOK, I have fallen back into that hobby. It is a tad pricer than the regular NOOK, but with the backlight and full touch screen, it is well worth the price. Some of the books that are currently in my library are: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (just finished it today), Something Borrowed, The Great Gatesby, and A Place of Yes. I love how light it is to carry with me and I often read on the bus ride to and from school.

MacBook

In a rather impulsive moment last August, I decided to purchase something that I have had on my wish list for almost two years - a white MacBook. In hindsight, I should have waited until I had paid off my credit card debt, but I just wanted it that badly. Also, I should have opted for the MacBook Pro but I was just dying to have the white laptop. I am obsessed with this machine and all that it can do. I will never buy another PC again, unless its for work.

elf Makeup

One of my best friends recommended this site to me and I have been obsessed ever since. Good quality makeup that is super, super cheap. Most of their products are only $1 each and their mineral makeup items run for about $6 each. Fucking amazing!! Plus, they almost always have promos with free shipping (like right now!) so you truly cannot beat it.

Samsung Fascinate

Late last year, I desperately needed a new phone. My beloved BlackBerry was dying and I really wanted the iPhone but Verizon still was not carrying, so I ended up with the Fascinate. Even though I still have a slight case of iPhone envy, I am obsessed with this phone, which in my opinion is the closest thing to it. There are TONS of free apps in the Android market and the phone never freezes.

Wen by Chaz Dean Hair Care

I don't care how expensive this shit is, I will never go back to regular shampoo. I have very thick, coarse, almost "nappy" hair and this works miracles for it! My hair takes less than half the time to style now and it is so much easier to work with.

Fuck Oprah, my list is way better ; )

GTKY Sunday - 4/17

2011-04-17T21:09:00.001-04:00

1. What's something you've eaten and liked, but didn't think you would? Lamb.
2. Plastic surgery..yay or nay? Whatever makes you happy and makes you feel more confident in yourself.
3. Two things you love about spring are.....? The weather; not too hot and not too cold, and that feeling you get when you first realize that the days are getting longer.
4. When's the last time you went on a picnic? Never? I don't think I have ever been on one.
5. What's your favorite app? Without a doubt, HopStop. Even though I have lived in New York, I am still pretty clueless when it comes to navigating the city with the subways. This app is a HUGE help.
6. Who does the grocery shopping in your house? My mom does lol. Sometimes I come along for the ride.
7. Would you rather take a spin class or zumba? Zumba! I have been meaning to try it.
8. How often do you go out to dinner? Before I started Jenny Craig, two to three times a week. Now? Maybe once a month, at most.

No April Showers here this year.

2011-04-15T15:04:00.001-04:00

For the past six or so years, if I was involved with someone, it always seems as though the shit has hit the fan during the month of April. Being the emotional beast that I am, it always caused me to cry my eyes out.

In April of 2005 I was still toying with the idea of going back to my ex-boyfriend. He was my prom date and for some reason that gave me hope that things might work out between us. He had always taken me back (though we only really dated once) before, so I figured things would not be different. Unfortunately, they were and I learned that the hard way. Through this experience I learned the lesson that the way to a man's heart is not through his penis. Unfortunately to this day I am still struggling with that one.

I don't remember specifics but April 2006 (I just remember it being the night before Easter) we had our first real fight of the relationship. Plus I had also lied to him this month, about something huge and had yet to build up the courage to tell him.

In April of 2007 he broke up with me, and it seemed like it was out of nowhere. He did it over the phone, since he was not going to be able to come home for the next few weeks and didn't feel like dragging it out. This led to what I will always refer to as my "summer of hell." The day after we broke up we were hit with a noreaster and I remember feeling that it was symbolic of how much I had cried the night before. Somehow we survived it though and stayed in our quasi-relationship for a year and a half longer.

In April of 2008 my grandfather had just gone into the hospital and I had given Tight Wad a lot of shit about not coming home that weekend and being there for me. We almost broke up, again, because of it but after some cooling off and thinking, we were ok. Little did I know that a month later, when my grandfather passed away, he truly would not be there for me.

In April of 2009 I was still mourning the loss of that relationship and trying to find myself again. Nothing really happened during April that year but I still wasn't truly happy.

In April of 2010 the back and forth with Minute Man finally came to an end when he met a girl (his now-girlfriend). I don't know exactly what I was sad about because deep-down I always knew that things were not going to work between us. I also knew that he was always there. If we hadn't talked in a while and I was craving some male attention, I knew that I could BBM him and things we start back up (somewhat) again. Now that he was with someone else, it meant that that was ended and that he was truly moving on. Of course it was for the better and to my knowledge him and that girl are still together now, a year later, so I am very happy for him.

So in April 2011… Hm, there is absolutely no man-drama going on in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have shit in my life that I need to deal with but none of it is being caused by a man. There is something really liberating about this and it makes me all the more happy about not being involved with anyone.

I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

2011-04-04T17:06:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is but right now I feel that I am really confused about my life right now. This explains my lack of posts because I simply do not know what to write about. I thought that it was just a writer's block but then I realized that I am in a total living-block. That and the fact that I cannot write with the freedom I would like to because of the people from my personal life that read this blog. If you think that I am talking about you, well guess what? I am ; )

Well, with that snarky comment said, back to the real reason for this post. I am definitely on the right track with school (even though I overslept and missed steno class today. I seriously have issues) and with Jenny Craig but I feel that my personal life is very up in the air. I don't have a man in my life and that is something that I am beginning to accept again. I am no longer sad or blaming myself for things not working out with that guy and have learned to see that it is was not meant to work out.

I have a lot of uncertainty happening in my friends circle though. As a result of recent events, I am seriously considering cutting a large number of people out of my life. I cannot go into detail because of the people who might read this but it has come down to a respect issue. If you do not have respect for me then I seriously do not need you in my life. Most people do not know that I feel this way because I don't care enough about my relationship with them to frustrate myself with the confrontation. That alone speaks volumes about why these people should be cut out of my life. Of course not everyone will be cut, just those who give me more grief than happiness. Also, I feel that I am drifting further and further apart from my best friend. This is another situation that I have bottled up but not because I don't care enough to mend this, I simply don't want to burden her with my feelings. She has had a rough time this past year (really these past 6-8 months) and I don't want to do anything that might contribute to it. I love her to death though, nothing will ever change that and I know that we will get through this because we are best friends and this is what best friends do - they get through things. I just feel bad because I have not been reaching out to her as much because of this. I do not want to risk being short with her or God forbid, bringing this up, because again - she has way too much going on right now.

I just realized something (while writing this post) about myself. I avoid confrontation. In some ways, this could be a good trait but like everything else, I have taken it to an extreme. I avoid confrontation to the point that I rarely stand up for myself. That does not make me the bigger person of the situation, that actually makes me a coward. I could go on and on about how that guy was a coward because instead of acknowledging there was a problem, he slinked off but in reality - he was just doing what I normally do. I never realized how much of a hypocrite I am. I know this is supposed to be the year of finding myself (and becoming a whore) but I had no idea that I would find so many unattractive personality traits. I knew that I wasn't perfect but shit, I had no clue that I was this bad. I certainly have to mature and how to interact with other people and there is no better time than the present.

I hope everything starts to fall into place soon. A horoscope that I read back in January stated that I would have some personal drama (if you can call this that) in my life but will not see a reason for it until the end of the year. So here's hoping...

GTKY Sunday - 3/27

2011-03-27T21:52:00.002-04:00

1. What inspires you?
Seeing other people succeed at similar things that I want to succeed at.

2. What was the last thing you bought yourself?
A pink case for my Nook.

3. Would you rather watch a movie in a theater or from the comfort of your own home?
I'm paranoid about bedbugs so definitely from the comfort of my own home.

4. Household chore you don't mind doing?
General cleaning. I find something very relaxing about it.

5. Coffee or tea?
Coffee.

6. What could you eat every day and not get sick of?
Nutella.

7. What's the last book you read?
I'm currently reading A Place of Yes by Bethenny Frankel.

8. Do you think you look you "look" your age?
I think I do but sometimes people say that I look like I'm 18 or 19.

Passing Notes 3/25

2011-03-25T13:51:00.004-04:00

I saw this on Meg's blog and thought that I would try something new today. Excuse the shitty hand-writing, poor grammar and poor spelling.

If you'd like to participate, click the above button and follow the link to her blog.

Have a great weekend!

Supporting the field of psychology, one panic attack at a time.

2011-03-24T15:35:00.001-04:00

I don't know what is with me and school lately but I cannot get the motivation to get my fat¹, lazy ass out of bed and go to school every morning. This is the same thing that happened to me in St. John's, but at that point I was unhappy and not sure of where I wanted to be in life. I was just in school because I felt that there was nothing else that I could do. This is different. I am not in a four year college hoping to land a job the minute I graduate; I am in a two year program that will almost guarantee me my career upon completion. I am much older than I was when I was in St. John's and I am in a different place in my life. So why - why the FUCK am I starting to repeat this pattern? Not to mention, I am half-way down with school! I don't have this long, never-ending road in front of me. I am the closest I have ever been to completing something.

I think I am starting to have the "am I sure that THIS is what I want to do with my life" feelings. Honestly, these feelings are starting to scare the shit out of me. I seriously envy those people who have always known what they wanted to do with their life. How does that happen? How do people just randomly stumble upon what they want to do for life and then you have others, like me, who are just wandering around with no fucking clue? I do know one thing. I am out of chances. How many schools can I go to? How much more money can I take out in student loans? Where do I draw this line? When I graduate, between this school and St. John's, I will be in almost $90,000 in debt from student loans. What the fuck? Is this even heard of? I simply cannot afford to give up on this and start something else. I know that if I graduate and become a court reporter I will definitely be able to pay off all of my student loans in a short time and be able to move out and establish myself. I am just not sure that this is how I want to spend the rest of my life. Are these feelings normal? How can I be so sure about this if I am only a student?

Sorry if this post is making no sense, my thoughts don't even make sense to me right now. I just feel incredibly screwed up right now and I am starting to let it effect other aspects of my life. I made an appointment to speak with someone but I feel that I need help before I fuck everything up… again. I don't care if that finally validates my joking around and saying that I am crazy, this is something that I feel I truly can benefit from.

Would you like to know the most fucked up part of this whole thing? I am HAPPY when I go to school. I am happy when I pass a speed test and succeed. So why the hell am I stopping myself from being happy?

_{1. I would never, ever call myself fat and anyone who knows me knows this. I am just super-angry at myself right now so I felt it necessary.}

I'm not Irish but you could kiss me anyway.

2011-03-17T15:24:00.003-04:00

Today is March 17th, which means that you have 6 more months to shop for my birthday present. Annnnddd it also means that it is St. Patrick's Day! Even though I am not Irish I have always celebrated this holiday as if I were. Except for this year of course since I had to be the only tool to give up alcohol for Lent. Oh well, it will be well worth it because I can be a hot, skinny Nikki at the bar next year hitting on cute Irish lads.

(image credit: Google)

I hope everyone has a fun, safe St. Paddy's Day and a minimal hangover tomorrow morning!

Always Have Self-Respect.

2011-03-15T23:39:00.001-04:00

When I was 18, during my freshman year at St. John's, I decided to pledge a sorority. To the people that I had gone to school with and known all of my life, this was a huge surprise. Except it wasn't really. I am an only child who has always had a yearn to belong to something, it was only natural that I would join something like this. I had to go through a pledging process, which even though it has changed drastically still teaches the same core values. One of those values is to always have self-respect, no matter what. During the process we test the girls in various ways on this. Even though I went through this process almost 6 years ago, I still feel that I have not truly mastered this lesson. Case and point would be almost every situation I have had with a man.

Lets take a look at my dating history, shall we? I am just going to point out the three men that I have cared about the most. We have Tight Wad, who I was with for almost three years and put up with a lot of shit from. Halfway through our relationship he broke up with me out of nowhere (we had never fought before this) because he wanted to be single and see other girls. He also still loved me and wanted to date me, just without a commitment. Of course pathetic little 19-year-old Nikki obliged and this began the worse summer of my life. He never ended up seeing these other girls but just the possibility of it was enough to worry me sick. Literally. To add insult to injury, when my grandfather passed away he did not come home. When I asked him why he was not going to come home and be there for his girlfriend of 2 and ½ years he replied, "I just don't like coming home on weekends that I don't plan to. It's really not convenient for me." My response was something to the effect of putting the body on ice for the next time, so he would be there when it is convenient for him. Instead of just breaking the fuck up with him on the spot, I proceeded to make the next 5 months of his life (and mine) a living hell until he broke up with me. If I had any ounce of self-respect, I would have broken up with him the first time he fucked things up.

Another good example would be with Minute Man. While he did break things off with me, he ended up coming back for seconds. And thirds. After the fact it was clear what his intentions were and even though I knew it deep down in my heart, I still went with it because I just wanted to have him. Yeah, I know.

Lastly - what just happened with that guy. I know I have beaten myself up a lot for messing this one up but the truth is, he messed it up too. If he was just honest with me about things and communicated with me about everything then it probably wouldn't have blown up in my face. Yet, I still clung to it and still talked to him, hoping that things would go back to the way they were. I don't deserve someone who is going to completely shut off on me when I make a mistake, which to be quite honest, was not even that big of a deal. I blew things out of proportion but so what? I blow everything out of proportion, it is just who I am.

I seem to run into my problems with guys when I start to actually care. I have dated a bunch of guys in between these men and have been fine; its just when I start to have feelings, I lose a sense of who I am and end up going nuts. I don't think the solution for my problems is to learn how to date like a man. If I learned how to have more respect for myself, I would be able to walk away much more quicker when I realize that a situation is not going to benefit me. I also will learn to stand up for myself and to not allow people to walk all over me. These go for every aspect of my life, not just dating.

Somehow I think learning how to become a whore would be much easier...

Growing the hell up - part duex.

2011-03-11T14:34:00.000-05:00

In my last post I mentioned the happy hour with Katie (Date me, D.C.) and PYT (DATERVIEW) and how much of an eye-opener it was for me. PYT had to leave early but hopefully we will definitely be hanging out again soon and for a longer time. (Katie, come back to NY!) This is going to sound super-duper creepy but I don't care, I admire Katie. She is an excellent writer who has done things in her life to improve herself. Of course she falls down, makes mistakes, creates awkward moments at time, but she always bounces back and recovers from it in the end. Recently we have both gone through similar situations with men and how she was able to walk away from something that she knew would hurt her is amazing. I hope that one day I will have the strength. I suggest that anyone reading this should check her blog out - she is AMAZING!

Since I made 2010 the year of Nikki I have decided to make 2011 the Year of the Whore. This is not news, I have been saying this now for the last two months since things with that guy started to go sour (AKA since I fucked it up) but I have never felt confident enough to publish the posts about it. Its not that I want to be a whore, I just want to learn how to separate sex from emotions. This is more than just getting laid, I feel that this is something that comes with maturity. If anything, I will definitely learn when to walk away with men, something that I have always struggled with.

As far as relationships are concerned, I really do not care to be in one or try to start one at this moment. I am just so much more relaxed when I don't have a man in my life and I really need to stay that way for a long time. I've always been a hopeful romantic so I know that somewhere, out there, is the man who is perfect for me. I seriously thought that the guy was perfect for me, he understood my personality/sick sense of humor, got all of the dorky references that I made and most importantly, made me laugh. We were able to talk about anything and while things were going well, he was really nice and very considerate of me. On the bad side, his communications skills are not up to par and that is a huge reason why things would have never worked out between us. I just excites me that there is a man out there who is just as awesome as that guy was, only better and more suited for me.

The year I grow the hell up - part 1.

2011-03-10T14:36:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday two of my favorite bloggers Katie at Date Me, D.C. and PYT (obv not her real name) at DATERVIEW co-hosted a happy hour in the city. Katie always hosts them in D.C. and being this was her birthday weekend, wanted to do it up here for a change. I had a lot of fun, met some great people and was happy that I went. From the conversations I came to realize that I was the youngest one there. Nothing wrong with that, its just I felt very immature and inexperienced compared to all of the things that everyone else had likely gone through. One of the things I love about Katie's blog is how she is so easy to bounce back from a disappoint in life, especially when with a guy. Of course things happen that hurt her but she does not let it be the end all of her life. I guess that this is something that comes with experience and I am more than ready to become more mature in this aspect.

I feel that I have so many things to improve on in my life - I need to stop making such a big deal out of things that do not deserve it. I need to stop worrying about what might happen and just focus on what is happening. I need to learn how to stop caring about what others think and to just truly let loose and be the real me. I need to learn how to stick with things with the going gets tough. Finally, I need to accept that sometimes things are not meant to work out in life and its OK if it does not.

I know that I will not be able to learn all of these lessons overnight but I am willing to work on myself. I feel I am making some progress though, I have sang karaoke in public twice now and can honestly say that I have not once texted him. If you are new and need to know who him is, just read back a few posts. He never got to the point where I gave him an official name in my blog, which speaks volumes for how much I should have not cared. When the whole Minute Man debacle happened, I went back two or three times for more thinking it would be different. For some reason, I know that if me and that guy were to stop talking again, things would not be the same. I just have to take it for what it was, and move the hell on. There is a reason that it did not work out and eventually I will see it.

I have more to write on this but I need to get ready for work. So part 2 is coming!

Jesus was never my homeboy.

2011-03-08T23:26:00.000-05:00

One would think that 18+ years of a going to a catholic school would shape me into your normal bible-banging slut, but actually it has done the exact opposite. Religion is not one of the things that I prefer having shoved down my throat (snicker) and I don't remember the last time that I went to church other than for a wedding or funeral. As most Catholics and anyone with a Twitter account knows, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday - also known as the beginning of Lent. Catholic tradition is to abstain from something for 40 days during the Lent season, which ends on Easter Sunday. On top of what you choose to give up you should also abstain from eating meat on Ash Wednesday and Fridays. If memory serves me right, this is to symbolize the suffering that Jesus did for us. Well now that I have given you all a religion lesson, onto why this concerns me.

I have decided to participate in the Lenten tradition and abstain from something for the next 40 days. Since being on Jenny Craig means that I am already not having unhealthy foods, I choose to abstain from alcohol and napping. I always ruin my perfect week with drinking on Saturday night so obviously this will be a huge help to me. Also napping because I am far too lazy and definitely need to practice and increase my gym routine. I don't think I am going to go as far as attending church regularly but this is definitely something that I could see working to my advantage. The only disadvantage is that I am most likely going to get shitfaced on Easter. I got shitfaced on Christmas Eve and was a babbling mess who ended up making my mother cry. Not from her shame but from the jokes that my cousin and I were saying about her. To think, she actually has said that I don't have a sense of humor.

In other news, as of this Friday I will officially be credit card debt free!! I cannot begin to tell you how much of a relief this is, I can actually begin to build my savings account back up. Of course I still have about 10 million to pay back in student loans. Unfortunately I will not be able to pay these off as quickly as I did with my other bills.

I'm more than just an option. (hey, hey, hey)

2011-03-07T18:15:00.002-05:00

I guess it is time for me to tell the truth. I try to act like I am this strong girl who just brushes disappointments off her chest but I'm not. I am the girl who cared way too much about a man who probably did not even deserve it. Who looked too much into what he said, let herself get built up so high and then crashed down onto the floor when things did not work out. Granted yes, I did fuck things up. I took the whole paranoia-about-getting-hurt thing way too far and ended up pushing him away. Its not all my fault though. He could have at least been enough of a man and tell me that I fucked up, instead of making it like things were going to be fine. Him telling me not to look into it and how things were fine caused me to basically go nuts and put the nail in the coffin. Things were not fine. He went from speaking to me all day to basically not giving me the time of day, yet still said that things were going to be fine. I've spent a lot of time and energy wondering what could have been and what would have been if I hadn't asked him that last question. I know that is by far the most un-healthy thing that a person could do but I could not help myself. With Minute Man I was able to pin point why things would not have worked even if I didn't mess it up, with him I was not able to do this. Truthfully he was the first guy since my ex-boyfriend that I really saw why things were going to work between us and I guess this is why I was/still slightly am pretty bummed out about this. The only conclusion that I can come to about this is that it just was not my time. It just sucks when I have to say this about a good guy, as opposed to the usual asshole.

I was fine before I starting talking to him, thinking about him and imagining how I would incorporate him into my life. Whatever, you can sit there and he say that he wasn't my boyfriend, it wasn't that serious and that I shouldn't have been hurt but I know what I felt. Either I made this whole thing up or he just never felt the same way (more likely the latter) because he just walked the fuck away like it was nobody's business. So right now all that is left for me to do is to get back to where I was before I met him. When it comes to the opposite sex I seriously cannot be bothered anymore. This is my time now and I don't care if Leonardo DiFUCKINGCaprio wants to date me, it is not happening. I have way too much going on to worry about someone else and making them happy. It is all about me and I don't give a fuck how selfish that sounds, that is the way my life is going to be for now on, until I find out who I am as a person. Not saying I will turn away the opportunity for any sloppy, drunk hookups; I just won't be getting the other party's phone number.

Funny how almost two years ago I created this blog to chronicle my life dating as a newly single 21 year old and now this has become a blog about finding myself and bettering my life. This is going to be the best year of my life, I call it now.

Well, at least I am not trying out for American Idol.

2011-02-20T23:55:00.002-05:00

A highlight of my junior year of high school was when the daughter of one of my school's religion teachers tried out for American Idol. She ended up making the worse of the worse list and giving quite an unforgettable performance.

Side Note: Her and her mother are extremely religious, which makes Simon's remark even more amazing.

Like everyone else I basked in the glory and made fun of her for it but deep down inside I admired the balls that she had for actually going on national television and trying to sing. It shows that she truly does not care what other people think about her. This weekend, I think I took a step in this direction. I DID KARAOKE. To most people this is not a big deal at all, some even do it weekly, but to me - this was huge. We went out for Dora's birthday and after dinner ended up at Karaoke Boho in the Village. While I was not in driving condition, I definitely was not as drunk that I thought I would need to be for karaoke. My singing voice is similar to that of a pre-pubescent boy whose balls are about to drop, but I still managed to have fun while singing. This does not mean that all of my issues are cured, but this was a big step for me. And I got to cross something else off of my Day Zero Project.

This will be the year that I fall in love.

2011-02-18T12:47:00.001-05:00

…with myself, that is.

There must be something about February and me going through a blogging slump because I stopped posting regularly this time last year as well. I guess this might have something to do with the fact that I am busy and have much less to think up much less write a post. School has been going well, I finally passed my 70 and moved up into the 80-90 class. For this term, I have to pass my 90 by the end of it (mid May) to pass the class so I am half-way there. I have the same teacher that I had for my first semester theory class and it is a lot different to have her for a speed test. She is a really difficult grader and while that is going to be frustrating, I know that it will make me a better writer.

I have done a lot of thinking over the last couple of weeks. I have always cared what other people think of me and I think now, more than ever, that needs to stop. It affects pretty much every aspect of my life and I know that it holds me back. I have an amazing personality and a great sense of humor but for some reason I have trouble showing everyone the real me. One of my managers at work said something to me last night that really struck a cord. I have been having trouble lately focusing on work (I'm busy worrying about other things) and have made a few mistakes. I don't feel that I am in immediate danger of losing my job, but if this continues I without a doubt will be. She described how I was when I first started there and said that I was "funny as all hell, without even trying to be." That was when I was being myself and you know what? I kicked ass at work. I went above and beyond and impressed the hell out of my managers. Now? I'm finding myself trying to convince my new supervisor that I didn't always suck. I don't know why I stopped being myself and going back into my shell but I am almost positive that it is directly related to my work performance. Which sucks to be honest, I know how to fix an outer problem; its the inner problems that I have the most trouble with and require the most work.

I always say this but this year, I am truly taking the time to work on myself. I'm going to start with the one thing that I know has been a problem for pretty much all of my life, my weight. When I was younger I let my weight hold me back a lot and was extremely unhappy. In college I kind of broke out of that shell, fell in love and was happy with myself, for the most part. I was self-conscious with my boyfriend but it felt great to have a guy who thought I was hot even when I begged to differ. Even being single I have not let my weight hold me back because I know that my face (face it, I'm pretty) and my personality more than make up for it. Of course I feel self-conscious the first time I sleep with someone but I think that is something that any girl, at any size, feels. However, I feel that my weight definitely holds me back in every other aspect of my life. Though not directly, I am certain that my weight is related to why I am afraid to be myself in front of everyone. I owe it to myself to look good and to be able to be who I am without caring what anyone else has to think/say about it.

In an incredibly-90's moment, I decided to join Jenny Craig to help start me on this journey. I have heard of a few people losing a lot of weight on the program and actually keeping it off. My first week came and went and I lost 6.8 lbs. This week has been going just as well, I have yet to go off the plan and have upped the cardio. I don't expect to lose all the weight overnight, that's unrealistic and also means I will just gain it back. The fact that I have stuck to it for this long says something because I always lose my motivation after 2-3 days. This time it will work, it just feels differently.

So, this will be the year that I: fall in love with myself, lose a fuckload of weight, become healthier, pay off my credit card debt, and become a court reporter (or pass into the last class). I'm looking forward to it! I know I will look back on this post in a year from now and see how much I have bettered myself. I did this last year and I know that I can do it again this year.

Well, so much for that.

2011-02-09T23:21:00.001-05:00

Life kind of got in the way of the 30 Day Challenge and I got so busy with school/work/life that I haven't really kept up with it so oh well, so much for that.

Things with that new guy kind of just died off. I was too crazy, always doubted his intentions when he had given me no reason to, and he most likely just got tired of it. I cannot say that I blame him but I don't know… he was different. I have gone on many dates and dated many other guys, I just felt like I had so much more in common with him, especially our personalities. I'm just afraid of getting hurt and when I realized that I was really starting to like him (I was pretty much smitten) I got scared and went a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs. I turned into someone I was not and stopped showing him the amazing person that I am. *toots horn* While yes, I would have LOVED to see where it could have gone, I cannot chase a man, especially one who does not want to be chased. Also he did something that was a tad disrespectful (I made plans, he said he would let me know if he was free and he never did) so I just owe it to myself to walk away now, before I make an even bigger ass out of myself. I'm not closing the door forever, just because we clicked really well and I don't know, the hopeful romantic in me believes that we did for a reason but obviously at this time, nothing is going to come out of it. At one point I really felt like that had a chance of turning into something but oh well, so much for that.

Since I never keep up with New Year's Resolutions I decided to start my goals this month. Over the past year I managed to find what I wanted to do in school, succeed at it and be happy. I also got a job and paid off most of my credit card debt. However, I still need to work on myself, on the inside and out. I need to start by no longer giving a fuck about what other people think about me. I know this is going to be one of the hardest things that I do but I know how much happier I will be in life. One of the first things that I did to start this was post my link on Twitter. Not that I think everyone is going to read it or even care what I have to say -- and how shitty of a writer I am -- but people that I know in real life can access this and the thought alone is kind of scary. I no longer give a fuck. This is about my life and what I have to say and if you don't like it well then fuck off.

I'm starting to ramble, which means that I am tired so I will just cut this short as if. I will go more into detail about 2011 being the Year of I Don't Give A Fuck at another time. In greater news - I MIGHT HAVE JUST FINALLY PASSED MY 70!! Its not confirmed yet but I went over the test today and only found 4.5 errors (we are allowed 18) so I most likely passed. I will post tomorrow on Twitter if its official. I am finally out of the 50-70 class and am just ecstatic to see that my hard work is paying off.

So now everyone knows how exciting my life is.

2011-01-31T22:43:00.004-05:00

Today was the first day of the new term at school. I am now officially done with my theory classes and am in the 50-70 speed class. Since I am going for my 70, I can test out of this class within the next week or so if I pass the 70. Honestly, I cannot wait to do this. Aside from having my friends with me, I really cannot stand some of the people in my class and just want to get away from them and the negativity that they bring. Also the next class (80-90) is taught by the teacher that I had for my first theory class and she was amazing. I got my grades from last semester - two A's and an A-. Of course the A- kills me because its so close to perfect but I will definitely accept this. My term GPA is a 3.92 and it brought my cumulative up to a 3.89. I have never worked so hard and done this in school before, needless to say, I am extremely proud of myself. I have come along way in these last 9 months and I can only hope to continue my success.

DAY 12: Bullet your whole day.

• Woke up, let the snooze go off 10 times, every 5 minutes.
• Finally got out of bed and got into the shower.
• Straightened my hair, got dressed and was out the door in record time.
• Lugged my steno stuff and ice-skated my way to the bus stop.
• Hit no traffic and got into school super early.
• Received my new schedule and grades from last term.
• Practiced for a bit then met up with my friends and went to class.
• Went for lunch with everyone and then stayed later at school to practice.
• Met up with my mom and the bus stop and took the bus home with her.
• Ate dinner, cleaned my room and did my laundry.
• Finishing up this post, going to read for a little and then go to bed.

I have some stuff on my mind but honestly I am way too tired right now so I will write about it in the near future.

Maybe this is why I have such great luck with men.

2011-01-30T20:50:00.008-05:00

DAY 10 Discuss your first love and first kiss.

I'll start with my first since it is a shorter story. My first kiss was with my first boyfriend. It was the summer going into my junior year of high school and I was 15, turning 16¹. I met him through friends and had really liked him. The day of the kiss I met up with him on the bus (he lived in Brooklyn and was already on it) and we went to Toys R Us. We were standing close and I had said something funny and/or cute and he smiled at me and I almost lost my breakfast. I guess I had never looked at his teeth before but they were disgusting. I'm not talking crooked -- although he does have a terrible tooth-to-gum ratio -- but like dirty, as though he had not brushed or flossed his teeth in weeks. To top it off, he was the worse kisser ever. So obviously this one did not last too long and I ended up being a complete bitch to him and avoiding him until he broke up with me. Perhaps this could be the reason for my bad luck with men. I would go on to kiss a dozen or so more terrible kissers until …

I met Tight Wad, my first love. He has this name because he was very cheap, at least with me. We ALWAYS split everything which is fine I guess but I can count on one hand how many times he had paid for me over the course of three years. I even paid for my 21st birthday dinner which was all of $10 because we had gone for half-price appetizers. Of course things weren't all bad, I did fall in love with him and stay in love with him for a long time. Things just felt natural with him but over time I realized in my heart that we were not going to be together forever. When my grandfather passed away, two and a half years into our relationship, he was not there for me at all. He did not even come home from school because it was inconvenient for him to come home on weekends that he had not planned to². I just could not get over how disrespectful that was and for the remaining five months of the relationship I proceeded to make both of our lives a living hell. Of course I cried when we broke up, it was a chapter in my life that was ending and it meant that things were going to change. They say that breaking up is an act of love for yourself and the other person and after going through that, I could not agree more. While the relationship did not work out, I learned how to love with all of my heart and to be forgiving of others when they deserve to be given another chance. I also learned that I should never lose myself (again) in a relationship and that sometimes in life you need to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.

Side Note: To my knowledge, both of these men are in loving relationships, as is Minute Man. I am starting to feel like the female version of Good Luck Chuck. Awesome.

DAY 11 Put your iPod on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that pop up.

1) Spice Girls - Say You'll Be There
2) Weezer - Holiday
3) The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby
4) Foo Fighters - The One
5) Billy Joel - She's Always A Woman
6) L'Italiano - The Sicilians
7) Lady Gaga - Christmas Tree
8) P Diddy - Hello Good Morning
9) *NSYNC - I Drive Myself Crazy
10) Destiny's Child - Survivor

_{1. Being socially awkward and not knowing how to use a flatiron might have contributed to me being a late bloomer in this department.}
_{2. Shit you not, those were his EXACT words.}

My problem is that I focus too much on the future instead of living in the now.

2011-01-28T13:27:00.002-05:00

DAY 08: A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

Honestly, I have yet to feel completely satisfied with my life. As of right now, I am content with where my life is going but until I get there, I won't be completely satisfied. I am just happy to finally have a direction, as opposed to just wandering around aimlessly like I had done for the first 22 years of my life.

DAY 09: How you hope your future will be

I hope to make enough money that I could live comfortably, without being in debt, and afford to buy the things that I want. I hope to meet the man of my dreams (yes, I believe he is still out there), marry him and have children. Most of all what I want is to just be happy. So many people go through life hating their job, their spouse and overall path they have chosen in life. I vow to never be that person and to wake up each morning thankful for what I have. Of course my life won't be easy, that man and I will probably fight (I mean, he's marrying me) and other obstacles will be thrown my way, but I hope to just keep my head held high through it all.

One of my resolutions for this year is to stop thinking about the future and live in the moment. This has always been a problem of mine, combined with anxiety surrounding what is going to happen. For one, take the situation with Dusty (AKA the new guy, he would understand the name). Things were going pretty well with that, he showed interest in me and treated me very well. Instead of enjoying it -- which I definitely did to an extent -- I constantly thought about what was going to happen. I have no doubt in my mind, based on things that he was saying and how things were going, that it would have eventually evolved into a relationship but now I am not so sure. I just feel that he was different from the rest, yet I did not treat him like that. Instead I treated him as if I was just waiting for him to fuck up and screw me over and never really gave him a chance. In an effort to prevent myself from getting hurt, I managed to push him away and mess up something that could have been great. Unfortunately I cannot change what I have done, all I can do is to just give it time and hope that if it was meant to be, it will happen.

I am bitch, hear me roar.

2011-01-26T00:46:00.000-05:00

Today I took an impromptu day off from school because well, I can. My grades are already in so the absences won't lower my grade for steno and since my teacher can no longer give 70wpm speed tests, I really am not missing much. I am not sure if I want to take tomorrow off as well and just clean my room/organize things for the new term. I am definitely going in Thursday though. It is our last class with our teacher (until we hit the 160-180 class) and he was amazing. I don't know, I'll decide by the end of this post. So while watching Maury this morning and eating pretzels with Nutella (best couple ever!) I realized that I should take advantage of this day and not be lazy. I decided it would be a grand idea to put the TV stand together that came about a month ago and was still in its box behind the couch. I have been waiting now over three years to complete my bedroom and this is the final thing that has to be done. So I cracked open a bottle of wine (and its cork, for that matter) and somehow managed to lug the 80 pound box (which is as tall as me) up the stairs. True to my organized self, I laid everything out on my bed and once all of the parts and screws were accounted for, I went to work. I assembled the first half of it rather quickly but then ran into a part that required a second set of hands to stabilize the piece while I screwed it -- that's what I said -- in place. In total it took seven hours, cost me a ½ bottle of wine and a blood clot but I am definitely proud of myself!

Seriously, who needs a man?

DAY 07: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a true Virgo. I can go on and on about this but I will spare you and just post a few examples off of websites that display the qualities of a Virgo.

Highly intelligent, Virgos also possess a clever, sarcastic sense of humor that shows an awareness of yourself and others. You are also very observant and have an eye for detail. This is of course how you get your reputation for being fussy and nitpicking - you can see things that other people miss. You are a perfectionist and details are important to you. (Source: All About Virgo)

Virgo females also need to know exactly where they stand. She is not necessarily adverse to a brief romantic fling, as long as she is made aware of that fact from the very beginning. (Source: Virgo: Relationships and Compatibility)

While Virgos can be worrywarts, they do their best to temper these impulses. (Source: Astrology.com)

Those are just some of the many traditional Virgo qualities that I possess. While I agree with my sign, I do not allow horoscopes to rule my life. If I did, I would not have dated half the men that I have had or be friends with some of the people I am friends with. I just think the facts are interesting, especially when my horoscope is dead-on for exactly what is going on with my life.

Oh, and for those keeping track, I am taking another day off tomorrow. I have to clean my room, put all my stuff in my new TV stand and go to the dentist.

30 not-so-interesting facts about yours truly.

2011-01-24T23:13:00.003-05:00

Today began what I like to refer to as the "Stress free week of school" AKA the week between terms when academic classes have ended and all we have to go in for is our steno classes. While its a pain in the ass to wake up and commute for 2 hours (3 with traffic) in total just for one 90 minute class, it is really nice to have a week that I don't have to worry about studying or doing homework. Since I have gotten home from school I have been watching season two of Sex and the City in its entirety and I have never felt more relaxed. Or more self-aware.

Me in my sophomore year of high school. I figured this was appropriate for this post.

DAY 06: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

(I cannot guarantee that all, if any, of these will be interesting)

1) I was born and raised in Staten Island. I've lived in four houses, all within a three mile radius of each other.
2) I have 9 nieces and nephews and only two of them are younger than me.
3) I make amazing brownies from scratch yet if I make them from a box they suck.
4) I probably could not keep up a conversation in Italian yet I am able to sing Christmas songs for you.
5) I was banned from my senior prom one week before it.
6) I never got into Harry Potter. I made it halfway through the first book before giving up.
7) It took me 22 years to figure out what I am going to do with my life.
8) I have handled money in every job that I have had (with the exception of one).
9) When I was 8 I watched an episode of Unsolved Mysteries that absolutely traumatized me.
10) As a result, I need to have the TV on to be able to fall asleep. (unless I'm with someone else)
11) I know how to read and write in stenography shorthand, which is like a whole other language in itself.
12) I am obsessed with old things like buildings/billboards and such.
13) I have never left the country, or the east coast for that matter.
14) I SUCK at parallel parking yet I can maneuver into a normal spot like a boss.
15) I tend to use terms like "whaddup Oprah" and "shappens" in every day language.
16) I'm extremely sarcastic and have a really fucked up sense of humor.
17) Pink is my favorite color yet you will hardly see me wearing it.
18) I love pugs.
19) My current pug Tammy is lying next to me and my childhood pug Bandit is lying in a tin can in our wall-unit.
20) I still remember how to tap dance and all first five positions of ballet.
21) I have the ability to laugh at myself and sometimes I think it is the only thing that keeps me sane.
22) I'm from Staten Island and I have managed to get lost while driving to the Jersey shore.
23) I used to hate beer when I was younger but now I am developing a good taste for it.
24) I was born on my grandparent's anniversary.
25) I have never broken a bone in my life.
26) I have a vivid imagination.
27) SO vivid that in my freshman year of high school I made up a life to tell people since I was ashamed of the one I had lived.
28) I love sushi and could probably eat it every day of the week.
29) I've wanted to be a writer ever since I can remember and I swear I will have a book published one day.
30) It took me seven hours to compose this list.

Its sometimes a catastrophe but I would never want to end it.

2011-01-23T23:39:00.005-05:00

Disclaimer: Suicide is not a joke. I am just a fucked up human being who deep down inside has a huge heart.

DAY 05: A time you thought about ending your own life.

Whoa. How about never? Seriously I have been somewhat depressed (I say somewhat because its not like I was diagnosed or anything, I was just sad) in my life but never that I actually considered suicide. I did, however, once do a basic cry out for attention and accidentally ended up on a sort-of "suicide watch". You see, in high school I would give anything not to attend class (a logic that once landed me in the ER for no good reason, this I'll explain at another time) and one privilege that we were given in school was to attend sessions with a school guidance counselor during scheduled class time. During a routine check-up the counselor gave me this survey (I assume everyone was given one) about mental wellness to fill out. Since I was feeling particularly bored that day I decided to check off "SOMEWHAT AGREE" to the questions about having thoughts on ending my own life. Instead of getting a weekly Get Out of Class Free pass, I ended up having to go to weekly appointments with a psychologist as per the guidance counselor. Believe it or not, the sessions actually helped me, until my mother was annoyed with all of my problems leading back to her and decided it would not be a good idea to see her anymore. Shocker. While I do need some serious psychological help, its NOT for suicidal tendencies.

In other news, I PASSED MY 60!! Did not even transcribe the 70 though, I dropped way too many words and then got frustrated and let a sentence or two go. I mean what could I expect? I hadn't really been practicing and I guess I just was not ready to take it. Hopefully I will get it this week so I could start the term in the 80-100 class, if not I will just test into it within the next two weeks so no biggie.

Also I have decided to attempt to take the "Just let it be and if its meant to be it will happen" approach with the New Guy (who needs a name… not only is not no longer new but the circumstances have changed) and I don't know, I guess its working. My main problem is that I just have to let go of how things were and what they could have been and to just focus on how they are NOW and what could BE. This has been a recurring challenge in my life but hopefully I can conquer it this time. I have to let go of all of the "This one is different" thoughts that I had once had and remember that at this stage - He is not different, I am not special (© Date me, D.C.!) and I will be ok.

Welps, day six (I'm back logged) is to list 30 interesting facts about myself so I will do that tomorrow since I feel like going to be at a decent hour tonight.

How religious I am is relative to how much alcohol I have consumed.

2011-01-21T13:08:00.002-05:00

DAY 03 Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I really don't have any views on this. I mean, to each their own as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else. I do believe that they should both be done in moderation and if you can't do that, than don't touch them at all. I know, much easier said than done.

DAY 04 Your views on religion.

I had the privilege of attending catholic school from when I was in preschool until college. Of course this means that I was forced to attend mass weekly, receive all of the sacraments and sit through a daily religion class. In high school I kind of rebelled against it and chose not to go to church or practice catholicism any longer, outside of what class/etc… that we had in school. When choosing to go to St. John's religion had no bearing on my decision. It was either go there or the local community college that I refused to go to. At St. John's you pay $30,000 a year (unless you are on scholarship or qualify for financial, neither of which I did) and you are forced to take 9 credits in both theology classes and philosophy classes. I don't judge people for what they believe in but I disagree when they force it down someone else's throat. Not everyone who attends St. John's is catholic yet they are still forced to sit through three theology classes. Last spring I was taking the first level theology class and our final term paper was to relate class material to a personal religious experience and since I was transferring out of that school (the theology credit not following me) I decided to have a little fun with the paper. I wrote about not having a personal religious experience and what I felt were the hypocrisies of catholicism. My professor was extremely religious and by the looks of my final grade did not quite appreciate my version of his assignment. Like I said with the drugs/alcohol question, to each their own. Just please refrain from forcing your religion down my throat. I am not a total atheist or anything. I do believe that there is someone up there but I am just not extremely religious or anything.

In ten years, I'll be in my early to mid thirties.

2011-01-19T21:29:00.000-05:00

… And that is one of the scariest thoughts EVER.

Day 2 of my 30 day blog challenge asks me where I would like to be in ten years. So let's see, I will be 33 turning 34 that year. I would like to be:

Married, without a doubt. If not, then dating a 20 year old male model who has the biggest dick I have ever seen.
I would like to have popped out a kid or two by this time of my life also. While I still have the strength and patience to deal with them.
A court reporter either freelancing or working in the Supreme Court.
Healthy
Above all, happy with my life!
Living in either the suburbs or the city. Depending on income and such.

Well back to busting my ass for my finals. So far I have destroyed my medical terminology final and tomorrow I have to take my legal terminology final and my 60 and 70 WPM speed tests. Not going to lie, I am a bit nervous about this. I have not spent much time preparing for this final but I know it will be much easier than her previous tests. As far as speed is concerned, I am very nervous and I have every right to be. I started to get cocky and stopped practicing as often and now I am having trouble writing at 60 and 70. Sometimes I can get the 60, depending on the words being said but 70? Its kind of like a shitshow for me. I spent about 3 hours practicing at 60 today after school and tomorrow in between my classes I am going to try and practice for my 70. I don't have to get it tomorrow, if I do I will actually be ahead but I still don't feel like failing my first speed test this earlier on. I just have to not be so nervous about it and I'll be fine.

30 Blog Challenge AKA the only way to make sure I post regularly.

2011-01-18T20:55:00.001-05:00

So since Reverb10 ended up being quite the epic fail and I have not written much at all this year, I am deciding to do a 30 Day Challenge.

I found this somewhere on Tumblr and thought I should give it a try.

I'm currently not in a relationship but I am still sort of seeing the new guy. The reason I say sort of is because I went crazy (not too bad, just took it too far) and kind of deterred him a little. We hung out for a little this weekend and I believe things are going to be ok but they are still not back to where they were at this present time. We get along really well and have fun together so it would be cool if things were to work out. He's a gentleman too and that is something that I am not really used to so its a pleasant surprise.

As far as being single goes? I love it. I have so much that I want to accomplish for myself this year that I won't even think of being single as being lonely. While I am not on the prowl for one, I have been single for two years now so changing that wouldn't be a bad idea. I'm just not depending on it for my happiness, that's all.

What is making my life right now.

2011-01-15T20:23:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the lack of updates, its finals week in school right now and also I have been working in on a post for the last week but I am not quite sure of the situation and therefore how to write it. Hopefully soon things will be sorted out.

Besides chain smoking and consuming as much wine as I can, I have turned to a few things to help ease my stress.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMltvlqEM54
I tried embedding it but it did not look right.

You will only find this funny if you are addicted to Angry Birds like I am. I find this fucking hysterical.

And like pretty much every other woman I am finding solace in online shopping. Makeup shopping in particular. A friend mentioned ELF - Eyes Lips Face to me and I am officially in love. From what I have tried (only lipglosses) it seems to be good quality and it is really cheap! I definitely recommend it, I actually just placed an order for mineral makeup since I have always wanted to try it and again, its cheap!

Pointless post but oh well, at least I made one. Enjoy the links!

Oh and Happy New Year?

2011-01-08T20:43:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm a little late I guess. I cannot say I was too busy with the holidays, I guess I was just lazy. I hope everyone enjoyed their New Year's and made lots of resolutions that they plan to keep.

Here are some resolutions that I decided to make -

I for one, made a resolution to take a chill pill for this new year and ended up breaking that almost immediately. I ended up pulling a somewhat crazy move (not a biggie, just questioning something I had no reason to) with the new guy and I believe I might have fucked things up there. I don't know for sure but between him being annoyed with me and being mega busy at work, I have gone from speaking to him all day to not remembering the last time I had an actual conversation with him. I don't really know what to think or what I should think right now but all I know is that I don't chase guys. We seemed like we were really getting along there and that this might go somewhere but now I am not so sure. I know its cliche but I am a firm believer that if something is meant to happen, then it will happen so I guess we will just wait and see. I would be lying if I said that I would not be disappointed if this were the end of him and I but of course I would be fine and move on with my life. So I guess we try again with this resolution.

Of course I made the usual "Lose 1000 lbs resolution" and I think I am doing ok with that. I haven't gone back to a Weight Watchers meeting however I am just trying to eat better. When I get my finances back in order (almost there!) I am going to rejoin Planet Fitness since its basically open 24/7 and was the only gym I actually went to. I'm still eating (mostly drinking) the things that I want to, just in lesser quantities… That has to help somewhat, right?

The last resolution that I made was to completely get out of credit card debt. I am not in much and what I am in has zero interest until later this year but I am still having trouble paying it all off. My hours at work have decreased from when I charged up my cards so I am not paying them off as quickly as I had hoped. Hopefully my tax return will be somewhat decent so that I can pay a huge chunk of my bills off with it. As of right now, I have officially paid off ALL of my interest-baring cards! So far, this is the resolution that I have been most successful with. However, we are only 8 days into the new year and as we all know, this can change.

Also I hope to write in this at least 10 times a month and get myself to the point where I can post my link on Twitter. I know the chances of people that I know in real life are slim but just having the link out there is enough to make me cringe. Maybe this could be the year that I stop giving a fuck about what people think about me? I know that I have already said that if things do not work out with the new guy then I am officially becoming a slut this year. Because this whole catching feelings shit is getting much too old.

As far as school is concerned I really don't have a resolution, other than to practice more, I have more of a goal. By January 2012, I want to be either in the last class (180-225) or done with school. Its a biggie and it means that I have to practice much, much more than I already do but it needs to be done. Especially if 2012 (or the year I turn 25) is going to be the best year of my life.

Well, I gotta go get ready and figure out where I am getting dinner with one of my pledge sisters. Have a great night!

Everyone else is doing it.

2010-12-31T14:07:00.003-05:00

Since I have work in two and a half hours, laundry in its rinse cycle, curly hair and furry eyebrows, I decided to make a post and furthermore press myself for time today. 2010 was actually quite successful for me. I made a few mistakes, definitely learned a lot and overall made some changes that will affect me for the rest of my life. Here's a month-to-month look back at this past year of my life.

January 2010

I started this blog but wasn't too optimistic about keeping up with it. I guess I proved myself wrong. I pursued a job opportunity and started a DayZero Project as a way to keep my accountable with my goals for the near-future. I decided that I was going to stay single until I worked on myself enough first.

February 2010

I did not make one post however - I GOT A JOB! Quite possibly one of the two best things that have happened to me this year. I was very happy to start work and to finally start making money again. My sorority had formal recruitment and I officially became old when my little took a little of her own. I continued at St. John's and was actually doing pretty well with the semester at that point.

March 2010

I also did not make one post this month. In a moment of weakness I started things up with Minute Man again and we accidentally (because it was not the intention) became friends-with-benefits. Whoopsies. I went through training at work and became a certified teller. I started to become completely frustrated with my situation at St. John's and stopped going to class (!!) but worked my ass off and made MAD DOUGH, yo! So, I guess it could have been worse there. Also, things with Minute Man quickly ended because well, fucking duh. I vowed to never be that stupid again with a man.

April 2010

I made the biggest decision of my life. On Easter I was sitting with my cousin talking about life in general, where I felt mine was going etc… when I realized that I needed to make a change. I knew that I was not going to be able to finish St. John's. I was not able to the first time around and I knew deep-down that it was not what I wanted for my life. Not to mentioned the $100,000+ in debt I would have been after graduation and STILL having to go to grad school, it was just not sensible. I decided to look into court reporting, something that I have always found interesting. I knew a few friends from HS who are reporters and decided to ask them about it. My mother FREAKED out and basically told me I was on my own. So I took the initiative, made appointments with people and registered myself there. It was the biggest step I have ever taken on my own but I knew that good things were going to come from it. Minute Man got a girlfriend in like literally a week so that was my way of realizing that things were just never meant to be.

May 2010

I found it very hard to finish strongly at St. John's especially now that I had officially transferred out and was taking classes that would not transfer over to NYCI. Finals week was a complete joke and I bullshitted my way through all of them. I took what could have been a 4.0 semester (I was working that hard) and wasted it ALL away. Oh well, lesson learned. I also did the most fucked up thing that I have ever done to a guy and not even seven days later had it completely blow up in my face. I went to formal anyway, got shitfaced and made an ass out of myself. What else is new? I also started classes at NYCI and realized that it was not going to be as easy as I thought.

June 2010

I got a little bored with the monotony of school/work/friends/rinse and repeat that my summer was about to become so I decided, like a moron, to subscribe to eHarmony. Just for shits and giggles, definitely looking to get a few laughs out of it. Laughs are definitely what I got. After some one disaster after another (and countless others) I decided to give up and change the premise of this blog from being about dating to being about myself.

July 2010

Never the one to easily give up, I decided to embark on a new dating journey with my best friend Dora and pretty much laughed at every desperate man that came my way. Dora seemed to have some success and I just ended up with the biggest creeps ever. I managed to find a normal seeming guy and then ended up having it not work out. I came to the conclusion that whenever I find a guy who seems to "get me", it never seems to work out. I also kept up with eHarmony because I was paying for it and ended up babysitting a child one Friday night.

August 2010

Since July had been cluttered with dating disasters and awkward moments, I decided to completely focus on myself and school from here on out. I realized that I have issues when it comes to dating and men but decided to put it all on the back burner. I purchased a MacBook and quickly realized that this would be the best credit card debt that I would ever have. I kept up with school and worked extra hours at work and finally realized that for the first time I was happy with where I am in life.

September 2010

Ah, my favorite month! I changed the name of my blog (for good!) and looked back on my life and realized how far I have come in the past year. I turned 23 and ended the semester, looking forward to a well-deserved week off. During that week I drove down to Lancaster, PA to visit Marathoner and her husband and had an amazing weekend. I also began a new semester and realized how tough it was going to be.

October 2010

Not much happened this month. School MURDERED me and I let pretty much every other aspect of my life (with the exception of work) take a backseat to it. One thing I wrote about was my Single-versary and I took a look back on how much my life has changed in the two years since Tight Wad and I had broken up. On Halloween I did something that I thought I would NEVER do in my life - I got a tattoo! and to me it was a sign of changing who I was for the better.

November 2010

This was a HUGE month for me school-wise. We started speed building in school and then testing. We took our 20 WPM and 30 WPM tests and I ended up getting 100 on both of them! I also got on the Dean's List which has ALWAYS been a goal of mine. I just felt so proud of myself for the first time in a very long time. On Thanksgiving I realized that I have so much to be thankful for. I started talking to the new guy and already began to create scenarios about how it was not going to work out.

December 2010

I started doing the Reverb10 prompts but then quickly stopped when I realized how every one of my answers were starting to sound the same. I went on a few dates with and started to really get to know the new guy. Of course I go crazy on him from time to time and so far he has been able to handle it. I am just worried that I am going to mess it up BECAUSE it seems to be going so well. I know, I sound insane but I am almost getting excited for it and I don't want that to cloud my judgment or make me blind to what really is going on. We took our 40WPM right before our Christmas break and I got 100 on that as well! It probably will be the last 100 I see but it was a great confidence boast to nail the first three speed tests that I took.

I really have to cut this short or else I am going to be late for work. There you have it, my 2010 in a nutshell, broken down by month. It wasn't always fun but for what I learned this year, I have absolutely no regrets!

I hope everyone has a happy and safe new year!

You're just not used to normal.

2010-12-30T14:19:00.001-05:00

Last night Dora had a rare opportunity - she was able to come out and play. We really didn't play, just went out for dinner and had some well-needed conversation. One of the things that we started to talk about was my situation with the new guy. Of course I have anxiety surrounding this, I have anxiety surrounding everything but from what I have learned in the past the anxiety is usually what kills things. This guy (will think of a name for him) has given me NO reason, other than the ones I create, to have any doubt in this situation so I just have to calm down. I really don't talk about him to my friends yet (its still in the beginning stages) so I tend to just act on my instincts/impulses and sometimes I do not do the best thing. Besides Dora the only other person I have discussed him with is Ms. Pulitzer, who ended up FUELING my neurosis as she told me about the negative intentions she feels he might have. THANK GOD for Dora because she definitely helped to ground me. She summed it up the best - "It seems to be going very well, and its normal. You're just not used to normal." and she's absolutely right.

I am not used to normal. I am used to a guy rushing things, not being sure about what he wants, not being sure about how to handle his feelings, etc… I am not used to a MAN that knows what he wants. This guy is slightly older than any guy I have seen and he is set in his life and career. He seems to have a great head on his shoulders and these are the things that attract him to me the most. Of course he is going to want to take things slowly. Also, I have never been in a successful "adult" relationship (or the beginnings of one). The last successful (at the time) relationship that I have started was when I was 18 years old. I am 23 now, things are bound to be different. My worrying comes from the fact that I do not know what to expect next. I am really not one to take a risk and jump into things not knowing whether or not I will get hurt. I have done things with him that I have not done with other guys, like initiating hanging out/dates. That is something that I would NEVER have done before because I feel that the guy should make the first move and that I would be needy if I did. Since I have learned to do that maybe now I can learn to just close my eyes and let it all happen.

Since New Year's Eve is tomorrow and January 2nd (I looked it up) was the day of my first post, I plan to do a "Year in Review" type of post. I don't have as many pictures for it as I would like so that is definitely something I am going to change for the next year.

Leave it to the holidays to make you realize how crazy you are.

2010-12-26T01:39:00.003-05:00

Obviously I realize that I am crazy. Not only is it my twitter name but it is also the title and theme of my blog. I can't say that I am proud of it but I have definitely accepted myself for who I am. A fucking loon. I took a drive with my cousin Ms. Pulitzer to drop her grandmother off at home and we had a lovely discussion about this and the childhood events that could be blamed for my insanity. I figured since this is the season of giving and the fact that I have nothing better to do at the moment, I will share (some of) them.

1) I was not a planned baby.

Since my mother feels the need to hide basic details from me, I had no idea about this until some time last year when Ms. Pulitzer and her mom (my loving Aunt) just casually mentioned it in convo, thinking I had known about it. My mother was not my father's first wife. Actually she's not his second either. Or his third or fourth. For the mathematically challenged individuals out there, she was his fifth wife. Their wedding was his sixth though since he married his first wife twice.¹ When my father was married to his first wife they had three children; two daughters and a son. Unfortunately two days before Christmas their son (the youngest) died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Afterwards they decided they did not want to have anymore children so my father had a vasectomy. Then they divorced for whatever reasons² and he went on to marry other women, (yadda, yadda, yadda) and then somehow ended up with my mother. There was a 15 year age difference between my parents and my mother was in her mid-thirties when they met and married so my father was no spring chicken then. Now since we really are not close, I don't know how my mother felt about marrying a man who was only nine years her mother's junior much less one who had already had children and was "fixed" but knowing how she is, she definitely had a lot of comments and guilt that she fed to my father. I'm not sure how my mother managed to get pregnant, maybe vasectomies were not done right in the '60s but I was born. My father had not only raised his children already but was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was very young. My mother just had no idea what she was doing and this led to me not being disciplined and getting away with anything that I tried. It was all well and good until it became time for me to go to school and be around children my age because my um, "rambunctious" behavior definitely did not attract others to me.

2. I was poorly socialized.

This ties in with reason #1. Aside from half-sisters who were in their 30s and had children of their own, I was an only child. My parents both worked and were older so they really did not give me the attention that I needed and certainly did not bothering socializing me with other children my age. Before I started school the only other children that I knew were my cousins, Ms. Pulitzer (who is all of 9 weeks younger than I am) and her older brother. Since Ms. Pulitzer and I were forever put against each other (we even have the same first name) we did not get along at all and constantly fought. Also since I was not used to being around other children I clung to her, which definitely did not help the situation. As if that wasn't enough, we moved around the corner from my cousins and my mother decided to put me in the same school as them. Now we went to a small parochial school where there was only one class per grade and about thirty students to a class, so we were together all day long. Same problem, I clung to everyone since I was not used to being around kids and ended up driving everyone away from me. I was abused in grammar school (Ms. Pulitzer, who had friends, would chime in) and would often act out just for the attention. When I say that I had no friends, I literally mean that I had no friends. Like I would sit alone during the lunch period and just wonder around during recess, while everyone else was playing. As if that was not bad enough, the minute I got into high school I decided to completely make up an entire life to mask the one I had because I felt that it would better help me to make friends. Obviously it did not and I left high school with one or two girls who I still talk to and consider a friend.

Of course there are more things that have happened in my life but when it comes down to it, they always revolve around the two reasons that I listed above. As a result of this I am still somewhat socially awkward (it has improved, trust me) and I am a fucking neurotic mess. I think this partially has to do with being an imperfect perfectionist but also because I am terrified of people not accepting me. Growing up I was so used to having the people I tried befriending not liking me or becoming sick of me (I was told this to my face) so when I finally meet those who like me, I almost get too excited and eventually end up pushing them away. To this day Minute Man is still my favorite example of this, when he figured out that I was crazy homeboy fucking took off like a bat out of hell. I almost feel bad for the new guy because well A) he has to put up with me and B) nothing that I over-think and question (yes, he gets questioned) him about has to do with him. He said it the best when he had rhetorically asked if anything he had said/done caused me to question his intentions or where this was going. They haven't. In fact, he has treated me better than most of the men I dated but because he wants to take things slowly (which if anything should be a good sign) I take it as a bad sign and think that he must be getting sick of me. Hopefully I will learn to calm the fuck down, or get my hands on a prescription for Xanax before I do end up driving this one away.

All in all, Christmas 2010 was very nice. I had a great weekend with my family and Santa treated me very well. Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!

_{1. I guess she was his "one true love", especially since my father was about to leave my mother but ended up dying first.

2. I have heard that my father was a philanderer and apparently had cheated on every one of his wives with the exception of my mother since he was too sick/old.}

Procrastination at its finest.

2010-12-22T15:43:00.001-05:00

I cannot even believe myself right now, its three days before Christmas and I haven't even STARTED Christmas shopping yet. I only brought some gifts for Dora because I know that our time together is limited so I had to be prepared. Aside from Dora I am only getting gifts for family members this year. Funds are just way too low and I actually have one of my bills due on New Year's Day, so its gonna be pretty fun. I'm thinking of using the Christmas money that my grandmother is giving me to help pay for that one, since it falls right in the middle of my pay period. Speaking of which, my paycheck was less than half of what it normally is and my next check is going to be missing two Saturdays in a row (no, I don't get paid holidays) so I'm lucky if its gonna be triple digits. I need to rob a bank, no joke. Or at least have the one I work for give me more hours so I can have a decent paycheck.

This sort of brings up an important (not really though) question - what do I get the new boy for Christmas? I have only been seeing him for a few weeks so I'm definitely not getting him anything major but I feel that I at least have to get him something. He's a huge nerd so I was thinking of going somewhere along the lines of that. Whatever, its the least of my worries right now but usually I am so good at putting together gifts. Whatever I end up doing, I know it will be funny. Any suggestions? Help a girl out!

Out of my two week mini break from school I have SIX days where I have nothing (school, work, holidays) to do. I feel like I have completely wasted my first three, all I have managed to get done is my laundry and OCD-clean my room. The visions I had of getting all of my homework and Christmas shopping done by now have long since faded away and I find myself sleeping until at least noon on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong, it feels amazing to relax but I kind of feel like I am wasting this break and not getting done all the things that I need to. I have not even touched my machine other than to move it out of the way when I was cleaning last night. I know that I need to really practice this break or I am going to lose where I am at, which will cripple me if we take our 50WPM the week that we come back from break.

Enough procrastination, its time to make breakfast (its almost 4 in the afternoon), and get to shopping. Today is Macy's last One Day Sale before Christmas so the chances of me strangling someone are greatly increased. Has anyone else really procrastinated this holiday season?

I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need.

2010-12-18T23:56:00.001-05:00

Let me just say that I have the WORST writer's block (which really I don't believe in, its just an excuse for being a shitty writer) that I have had since I started this blog. Fuck Reverb10. We can all just add that to the list of things that I have set out to do and ended up not finishing. I was too tired of answering almost every post with "Well, changing schools was the best decision ever." I mean don't get me wrong, it was, its just I had a few more things go on this year that deserve to be elaborated on as well. I probably will not have many pictures to go with it but expect some type of year-recap-thing post in the near future.

This week was pretty much one of the worst weeks that I have had in recent memory. Just the combination of stress from school, work and friends really did it in for me. I ended up taking a great deal of it out on the new guy. I'm still not willing to go into too much detail on that yet, I do not wanna jinx anything but aside from me sometimes going crazy, its going quite well. I went over his house yesterday and between demolishing his ass in Operation and then watching Drop Dead Fred, my bad week was just swept away and now I feel like my normal self again.

As of Thursday I am officially off from school for two whole weeks. It feels amazing but I am also terrified that I am not going to practice at all. I have a feeling that I have passed the point where I can get away with it and if we take our 50 the week we come back, I definitely will end up coming close to or actually failing it. Basically I have two goals set for this break: FINISH my room since my shelving piece finally came in and to PRACTICE MY ASS OFF. If I'm gonna be a court reporter, this is what I need to do.

Cutting this way short since shenanigans with aforementioned boy caused me to only get an hour of sleep today and I have yet to nap. Hopefully I will post again soon, if not Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!

I really don't need a prompt to tell me what my best decision this year was.

2010-12-10T13:52:00.001-05:00

So since I really have to get ready for work and blogger failed at saving my first draft to this post, it will be very short and just mention the prompts from Reverb10.

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

Either this year was just boring or I cannot think right now but I guess I am going to have to go with my sorority's formal that was in the spring. Despite having some fun date drama I still managed to have a good time and get incredibly shit faced. The drinks were not watered down as usually are and I found myself very drunk by the end of cocktail hour. The rest of the night consisted of even more drinking, sloppy dancing, me crying my head off and then throwing up in another girl's room. I woke up the next morning on the floor, wrapped in a blanket and still wearing my dress. When I was finally able to pick my head up I looked over to see one of the new girls passed out in a ball pit. I guess you could say that Formal 2010 was a success. I'm still not sure if I am going to go next year, it all depends on who is going and where I am with my life.

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

The wisest decision that I made this year was to transfer out of St. John's and into court reporting school. I have never been happier and have never done so well in school. My motivation has not let up, mostly because I now have a direction in my life. I know that upon graduating I will have a job and be a court reporter. In St. John's I had NO idea what I was going to do after graduation. I knew that I was going to have to be placed on suicide watch because of my student loans though and with an entry-level position in the hospitality industry, had NO clue how I was going to pay them off. Court reporting school is cheaper so my loans will not be too, too bad but I will still have my loans from St. John's to pay off. These are just some of the many reasons why I feel I made the best decision that I could have made for my life.

This was like the third or fourth prompt that the answer has been about school. I guess it really was the best decision I could have made for my life.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away

2010-12-08T23:56:00.000-05:00

… Well, in the case of my last Christmas he didn't even take it at all!

Since its too late to begin a real post (I like to get at LEAST six hours of sleep at night) I will just do two Reverb10 prompts.

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

The only thing that I could really think of is the one of court reporting students. Between students that are in higher speeds in school and ones that I have found on twitter, I know that I have a support system to go to whenever I feel frustrated with school and get stuck at a speed.

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I guess it would be my personality? I like to make people laugh. I accept that I am not normal, know my biggest flaws and find that they are what make me, me.

What I have made, besides a mess.

2010-12-06T21:24:00.002-05:00

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I have no idea what to make of this one. The last thing I made was something that I cooked so I guess I will go along with that?

"Chocolate Covered Strawberries" Pancakes

All I did was make whole wheat pancakes from a mix. I folded 1 tbsp. of chocolate chips into the batter and instead of butter and syrup I topped them with strawberry preserves. These are amazing, healthy and they really do taste like chocolate covered strawberries.

One of the items on my 101 in 1001 is to learn how to cook some new dishes so I definitely would love to set aside some time to do that. What I know how to cook, I can cook it well but I am definitely always up for some new recipes.

Sometimes its better to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

2010-12-05T23:27:00.002-05:00

Here are the two Reverb10 prompts from this weekend that I missed.

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

I guess I just did a lot of wondering about my future and where my life was going. Its not that much different from what I have wondered every other year of my life though.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

I let go of the dream that I had of graduating from St. John's and becoming an event planner (ultimate goal is to open my own catering hall). I am 23 and would be 27 by the time I would have been done with everything, including grad school. I also would be in close to $150,000 worth of debt starting out in an entry-level position in the hospitality industry. Not happening. Now I am much more motivated to go to class and do my work because I know what direction I am heading towards now. Who knows, maybe one day I will eventually open that catering hall but for right now, I know that I am meant to be a court reporter.

I had a lot of fun this weekend thanks to both my family and the guy that I went on the date with. He ended up driving down to PA, going out with us after the wedding and staying over with me. I am still behind on my homework so I am going to go into the details and that and the weekend in general tomorrow.

Its always a good idea to make a blog post when you're running late.

2010-12-03T09:25:00.005-05:00

So I had such good intentions of being on the road early, getting to East Stroudsberg (whaddup stalkers) during the early afternoon, etc… But I don't think I am going to end up leaving until at least noon. Considering I just woke up, need to pack (i.e. figure out what I am wearing tomorrow), get a quick mani/pedi and then run over to work and settle some business. Yes, I am fucking awesome when it comes to time management. Oh and my mother just texted me, apparently I have to add stopping by my uncle's repair shop to make sure my car can handle the ride. Yeah, I think we're just gonna lie about that one.

So last night I had what I would like to call an Amazing First Date. I have only had a few AFDs in my life so far so this is kind of a big deal and pretty sweet. More deets on that at a later time, I just don't have the time to write about it now and also I don't wanna talk about something until I know what it is. Just know, that it was REALLY GOOD.

I guess I will also get today's Reverb10 out of the way. Obviously I am not going to be able to do tomorrow's on time so Sunday will just be my make-up day. I actually like today's and feel that it is more relevant to my life than my blog (which is my life so that statement makes NO SENSE but whateva).

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

In September during the week I had off from school Dora and I spent a lot of time together and explored a lot of new places (to me at least). One of the places that she took me to was the Gateway National Recreation Area (Great Kills Marina/Park/ish). We parked over by the water and stared out at the marina. It was the end of September and we were by the water so it was very windy but I did not mind. I just stood there, staring out, letting the wind mess up my hair. The water seemed like it just went on forever and the sun's reflection off of it was absolutely beautiful. Dora and I were sitting in different areas just thinking. I was reflecting on the semester that just ended and how far I had come as person in just a short period of time. I have no idea what Dora was thinking of but I hope sitting there helped her find some peace in this rough time that she is going through. Afterwards we cleaned out her trunk, took some great pictures and then explored a little more. When the weather gets warmer I would definitely love to go back out there. Who knew such beauty could exist on Staten Island?

I have a family wedding this weekend and I am kind of excited for it. This is my father's family and while I love that I have contact with them because they are my only link to them, I still need to fully warm up to them. This is my third time in 15 years being around them so I feel that its only normal. The last Pennsylvania wedding that I went to was um, different then what I was expecting so I am definitely curious to see what happens at this one.

Well, I'm off to shower/pack/complete my laundry list and definitely get a last minute cuddling session with my dog. Have a great weekend!!

Day 2 of Reverb10

2010-12-02T15:18:00.001-05:00

Since I might possibly have a date (more on this later!) tonight, I am going to rush through the Reverb for today and get it done before work. Todays prompt -

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I'm going to tweak this one a bit because outside of this blog I really don't write and its not this serious. So I am going to refer to writing as writing on my steno machine (AKA practicing). What really affects me from practicing more is utter laziness. I am just so wiped out between work and school then when I get to go home and have free time, I sleep. A two hour nap turns into a four hour nap and then I end up not practicing that night because I am too tired. Right now I am still at lower (i.e. - EASIER) speeds so its not too big of a deal but in a few weeks I will be taking my 50WPM and 60WPM tests and for those I NEED to practice. It is impossible to get through court reporting school without practicing on your machine for at least 1-2 hours a day in addition to class time so I really need to step up my game. To help with this I have been staying after school (where I can't sleep) and practicing for a few hours a night and I am already starting to see an improvement.

Someone suggested on my last post that to celebrate 100 posts I should do a small re-cap of my favorite posts so far. I will definitely think about that, especially for my new followers (shoutout!) who might not know what is going on. I have an out-of-town wedding this weekend but will get that post started soon.

100th Post and Reverb10

2010-12-01T21:03:00.001-05:00

Today is kind of a blogging milestone for me - its my 100th post! I usually don't keep up with things so the fact that I kept up with somewhat-regular posts (I missed a month or two somewhere) must really say something. I'm not going to do a a review of all my posts because I plan to do one later this month for the upcoming new year. I first started this blog in May of 2009 with the title "A Single Girl in the City" thinking that I was going to write all about my adventures with being newly single in New York City but that never happened. I had met Minute Man that summer, never got to act single and forgot that I had made a blog. January of this year I remembered this blog and decided to keep the title because I had no clue what direction I wanted to take this in. I was in such a different place from where I am now. I had no job and basically no direction in life. In one of my earlier posts from January I decided that 2010 was going to be the Year of Nikki and I almost feel that it has been. The job opportunity¹ that I mentioned in that post ended up becoming a reality and I have been there almost a year now. I knew that I needed to make a change in my life in order to survive, I just had no idea what that change would be.

I am also participating Reverb10 this year.

Each day in December you get a prompt on something to post that reflects on the past year and helps you look forward to the new one.

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

I guess in going with this post and what I have done this year my word for 2010 would have to be CHANGE. I know that it is cliche but this year has just brought forth so many changes that have all been for the better, even if I had not felt so at the time. The word I hope will capture 2011 will be SUCCESS. Yes, its another cliche but by this time next year I want to be healthier, happier and most of all, I want to be typing at (or very close) to 225 wpm. I know this is an achievable goal, because of the many people I have seen in school complete this in the same timeline. I know that I have the mindset for this, I hear it all the time. I also know how I am and that if I put my mind to this, practice just a little more each day, I can definitely achieve this goal. I desperately want to run the 2012 ING NYC Marathon and by this time next year I would need to have made some serious steps towards this goal. I just hope that somewhere I can find the strength and motivation to do this because I know how proud of myself and how much happier I will be.

What would your word for 2010 be?

_{1. Ironically, the hot guy that aided in getting me the job is now the manager at my branch.}

Red Velvet Cupcakes

2010-11-30T18:51:00.003-05:00

Like most people I did not get fat from eating salads and tofu all day long. I LOVE cupcakes, mainly all kinds. One day in March Dora and I had a bake-a-thon and we made awesome looking cupcakes and buttercream decorating frosting from scratch. One of my far-fetched dreams in life would be to open a cupcakery (patent?) and have Dora be like my head-decorator. Except everyone seems to be doing that now-a-days so its probably not going to happen. Anyway this post was not to talk about how much I love cupcakes, I'm not that much of a fatass… It was to give you one of my favorite recipes!

I do make an honest attempt (most of the time) to eat more healthy and lose weight so you could just imagine how stoked I was to find a recipe for red velvet cupcakes on Hungry Girl's website. These are absolutely amazing! Better than most red velvet cakes/cupcakes that I have had and what's best is they are only 140 calories per cupcake. Without further ado…

Ingredients:

Frosting

6 tbsp. Jet-Puffed Marshmallow Creme
6 tbsp. Cool Whip Free, thawed
1/4 cup fat-free cream cheese, softened
1 tbsp. Splenda No Calorie Sweetener (granulated)

Cupcakes

1 cup Devil's Food cake mix
1 cup Classic Yellow cake mix
Two 25-calorie diet hot cocoa mix packets
1/2 cup fat-free Egg Beaters
1/4 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips, divided
Entire bottle of red food coloring
1 tsp. Splenda No Calorie Sweetener (granulated)
1/8 tsp. salt

Directions:

Place half of your chocolate chips (2 tbsp.) and the contents of both cocoa packets in a tall glass. Add 12 ounces of boiling water, and stir until chips and cocoa mix have dissolved. Place glass in the freezer until mixture is cold (about 30 minutes). Meanwhile, preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a bowl, mix together marshmallow creme, cream cheese, and 1 tbsp. Splenda until smooth. Fold in Cool Whip. Place bowl in the fridge to chill until cupcakes are ready to be frosted. Once the cocoa in the freezer has chilled, give it a stir, and pour it into a large mixing bowl. Add the cake mixes, egg substitute, remaining chocolate chips, red food coloring, 1 tsp. Splenda, and salt. Using a whisk or fork, mix batter for about 2 minutes (until smooth and blended). Batter will be thin, but don't worry, your cupcakes will puff up once baked! Line a 12-cup muffin pan with baking cups, and spray lightly with nonstick spray (or simply spray the pan with nonstick spray). Evenly spoon batter into the pan. Place pan in the oven, and bake for 15 - 20 minutes. Cupcakes will look shiny when done. Once cupcakes have cooled completely, evenly spread the frosting over them.

Change is good, I guess.

2010-11-30T16:39:00.002-05:00

I changed my URL so that it now at least matches my blog and the theme of it. Sorry for any inconvenience!

Two advertisements - I put my blog over on Bloglovin soo be a doll and follow me there.

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Also be sure to check out this week's Mingle Monday over at Life of Meg

Precisely why I am not allowed to like guys.

2010-11-27T23:49:00.000-05:00

I seriously cannot handle myself anymore. I mean don't get me wrong, I take pride in the fact that I am a neurotic little mess, hell I even have a blog about my life entitled "Color Me Neurotic" but sometimes I just take it way too far. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Now I have not really divulged into the mess that I have been with other men in my life. Mainly because I had not been blogging at the time or was and just did not feel like humiliating myself in front of the world (or whoever the fuck reads this). I could assure you that I have taken part in destroying some things. Tight Wad for one went really well, for a really long time but then when it fell apart, it was like the Vietnam War in the sense that it was prolonged, useless and not many (only him) survived. Since I have such a fucked up sense of humor I could actually laugh at the whole Minute Man situation. Unfortunately Dora is still trying to recover from that whole debacle. It is something that I can only describe as the "Train Wreck of Nikki Jo". I was deceiving, he thought I was some cool, level-headed, normal girl. When my neurosis surfaced, he ran like a bat out of hell. Obviously he could not handle me and who could really blame him? I'm a mess, however deep-down inside, I am an amazing girl who wants nothing more than to find someone who can catch her drift.

So it goes without saying that I am definitely one to lose her cool with guys. I guess it may be insecurity but I am not afraid of not being able to GET a man. Whatever, I'm overweight but I am still pretty and I have an awesome personality. I just am… different and as I have figured out, am too much for some people to handle. So I guess my real challenge is to find someone who can just accept and love me for who I am, flaws and all. I always manage to get excited when I find someone who just might do that and almost expect something to go wrong. I need to learn how to stop sweating the small stuff and just LET IT FLOW. I have to get over it and realize that just because it hasn't worked with anyone else does not mean that it will not work with anyone. I don't like to be blind-sighted with things so in my craziness I figure that if I prepare for failure I will not be hurt or affected by it. This all sounds somewhat logical except for the fact that I often take this preparation way too far and end up killing something that would have worked out otherwise.

I think I am starting to do this right now in a situation that I possibly have going in. This particular situation is not even blog-worthy (yet!) and I am still in KNOTS thinking of ways that it will not work. For sure I am going to drive this person away even though he seems to be fine with me being a crazy fuck. I don't know what the future holds for it though, I have yet to even meet this person but all I know is that my text message count with him is almost 1000 more than the ones I have with the members of my inner circle so maybe that says something. All I know is that I cannot worry about a situation that has yet to even develop. I guess I should be happy that I am at least logical and aware of my problem. I just wish that I could listen to my own advice and take a big fucking chill pill. Oh, to the man that I am going to marry - This will ALL be worth it, promise : )

Well since it is Thanksgiving...

2010-11-24T23:44:00.001-05:00

I don't care if its cliche, I am making a post of all the things that I am thankful for. I am thankful for -

MY FAMILY Whatever, we don't always get along and its definitely not normal but that does not change what they mean to me.

MY (CLOSE) FRIENDS The ones who know how crazy I am yet still love me. The friends that I could go to for anything and know that even though I might sometimes be yelled at for it, they will never judge me.

MY HEALTH Because yanno, its nice to be alive.

MY JOB The economy fucking sucks. I feel fortunate enough to not only have a job but one that I like and make decent money at. Its great for working part-time and still going to school.

FINALLY KNOWING WHAT I WANT TO DO This one is a biggie. I've spent many years of my life unhappy and just not feeling complete because I never knew what I wanted to do. My life has improved tenfold, even things like my confidence have gotten better because I know how a direction. I am thankful that I finally figured it out.

That's my list for this year! Happy Thanksgiving : )

Songs that will always mean something to you...

2010-11-19T13:42:00.001-05:00

Inspired from a tweet by Ashley Zarlin I decided to make a list of the songs that I would never forget. Everyone has them, those certain songs that will almost bring you back to a point in your life when you hear them. Here are my top 10 (because really this list could go on forever) -

10) Your Song - Elton John.
This is one of my ALL TIME favorite love songs. In a creepy moment The Security Guard sang this to me but it wasn't as romantic as I had always imagined. It was kinda creepy and a wee-bit too much for a first date. This song will be played at my wedding.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTa8U0Wa0q8

9) Forgot About Dre - Dr. Dre & Eminem
This song was my shit back in 7th and 8th grade. I remember requesting this on TRL non-stop until it was retired.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFcv5Ma8u8k&feature=channel

8) Oops! I Did It Again - Britney Spears
Obsessed was not the word!! I remember watching the Making The Video for this and DYING. On a more embarrassing note I recently found my diary from when I was younger and in an entry I actually wrote about being sad over this video's retirement from TRL. True story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CduA0TULnow

7) Big GIrls Don't Cry - Fergie
This song is basically what gave me the balls to attempt (he pulled me back once he realized what he was doing) to walk away from Tight Wad after the Shitstorm (or the whole summer) of 2007. It just reminds me of trying to be strong when I was being knocked down to the floor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6sqA9QtV5I

6) Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
I believe this song is still my voicemail message. This song always reminds me of going to summer camp when I was younger and everyone singing it on the bus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfRNRymrv9k

5) Suga Suga - Baby Bash
I hear this song and automatically I am brought back to my junior year of high school. No matter what this will ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and I think Dora knows why.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rgStv12dwA

4) You Make Me Wanna - Usher
Holy 5th grade Batman! This song will forever remind me of grammar school and to this day I still blast in when I hear it on the radio as an "oldie" (eye roll)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQRzrnH6_HY

3) I Like The Way You Work It (No Diggity) - BlackStreet
Another grammar school memory, except this is maybe 4th or even 3rd grade. About a decade later I would hear this song again and go on to have a rather slut-tastic drunken moment to it in the basement of a frat house. For many reasons, this song is without a doubt a classic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KL9mRus19o

2) *NSYNC - This I Promise You
I actually went to their No Strings Attached tour in 2001 and CRIED when the stage came out and they sang this. To this day this song turns me into mush and no matter what my future husband says, this WILL be our wedding song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45aGsuOcQO8

1) Gold Digger - Kanye West ft Jamie Foxx
This song was the number one song on my 18th birthday which apparently makes it my "Life theme song". Not only does it remind me of my 18th birthday but when I first started college. I remember driving like a mad-woman up to campus during pledging with this blasting. Will never fail to remind me of that time and bring a smile to my face.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY

What are some songs that you will never forget?

Massive feeling of accomplishment

2010-11-17T20:50:00.001-05:00

In all of my years at school I have never done this well. I just amazes me how much I am able to accomplish when I put my mind to it but at the same time it also angers me because I didn't have to waste three years of my life but not doing what I needed to. Whatever, this post is not to dwell on the past and the what-ifs, its to celebrate how much I am kicking school's ass right now.

This week was probably the busiest one I have had yet, I had midterms in both medical AND legal terminology and my first speed test. I was actually kind of nervous about it. Not because I was afraid I wouldn't pass it, its fucking 20 words per minute if I can't pass that then obviously I am not cut out to be a court reporter. It was more because we are now starting speed and the whole thing is becoming real. Its not secret around school how frustrating it is to build up speed and all the time you hear about people failing tests and being stuck at a certain speed (both are inevitable) and I am just nervous for that. I am nervous because 99% of the time -- the only exception being when I pledged my sorority -- I have given up when things are gotten rough. Right now it is easy because 20 words a minute is not that fast, at all and given how much I practice I should have NO problem getting my 30, 40 or even 50. Its after that I am nervous about because a lot of people I know have gotten stuck at 70. I just don't want to get frustrated and give up. I have to keep remembering that there is a reason this profession pays so well and that just because other people give up does not mean that I have to as well. It all depends on me now and how much I practice, that and that alone will determine how well I succeed at this.

So how have I done on my tests this week you wonder? I got a 100 on medical terminology AND a steno test that I took last week. And my 20 wpm? I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING 100!!! I seriously feel like it is a right of passage that we are in speed now. Let's hope I kick my 30 wpm's ass too. I have my legal terminology midterm tomorrow and I have been studying my ass off for it so hopefully I do just as well on it.

Also, last semester I made the Dean's List for the first time in my life (and crossed it off my my 101 in 1001) and today our school had a little shindig where they handed us out certificates.

Oh yeah. Dean's List yeah.

Anyway off to study for legal terminology. Have a great weekend lovelies!

The best man I knew...

2010-11-11T22:45:00.006-05:00

Today, November 11 is not only Veteran's Day but also would have been my grandfather's 84th birthday. He was an amazing man - a devoted husband, loving father and a great grandfather.

My grandfather was born on November 11, 1926 in Manhattan, New York. The son of Italian immigrants, he was the oldest of their three sons. Growing up my grandfather was best friends with one of my grandmother's brothers and the rest is history. They dated throughout their teen years and were married on September 17, 1949. My grandparents were blessed with two children, a son and a daughter and though it was not always easy, they made the best of it and provide a good life for their children.

I seriously hit the jackpot when it comes to grandfathers. I was super close to him because my mother was a daddy's girl and them being close led to him and I being close. After my father passed away my grandfather really stepped in and was a great father figure for me. He accompanied me to father/daughter dances at school, picked me up from chemistry review (read: detention) in high school and always offered his advice and listening ear.

Father/Daughter Dance 2001.

He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer when I was younger but it ended up coming back years later in 2008. After battling it for months he passed away on May 10, 2008. During that time I was taking an English class and the professor I had just changed my whole outlook on life and death. While I was crushed that I was losing a second father, I was very at peace with his death. One thing that my professor kept mentioning throughout the semester was making sure that you spent your "dash" (as in the dash between the year you were born and the year you will die) as best as you can. My grandfather was married to the love of his life for 58 years, raised and watched his two children marry and give him three grandchildren, made his only grandson a Yankees fan and had an amazing life. I cannot think of a better way that he could have spent his dash.

My grandfather loved the summer and the beach. Right now he is probably relaxing on the beach with a beer in his hand.

Why I am never downloading another app on my phone again.

2010-11-10T00:01:00.000-05:00

For those who do not know, a few weeks ago I traded in my beloved BlackBerry for a Droid phone. I ended up getting the Samsung Fascinate and I am in love with it and all of the cool things that it can do. The only thing I was missing was BBM. Most of my friends have BBM so it was just an easy way to keep in touch with everyone. Recently they came out with this new messenger named KiK that can be used with ALL smart phones. Intrigued and still mourning over BBM, I decided to download it. To make things easier KiK decides to make a list of "People you may know" and update it every time someone knew creates an account. I was fine with seeing friends of Minute Man pop up, even OK with seeing the Security Guard come up on my list and IM me. However, what happened this morning while I was sitting in my legal terminology class was just the last straw. I decided to open the application and what pops up on my screen? "You may know TIGHT WAD" … Yeah, NO SHIT I know him. I only dated him for three fucking YEARS. I have not seen or spoken to him in two years and honestly seeing his name just sort of threw me for a loop. I quickly closed the application and put my phone away in my bag. The guy who sits next to me turned to me and said that I looked like I just saw a ghost. I did, I saw a ghost of my relationships past.

For some reason seeing his name caused my mind to fill with memories, good but mostly bad, of all the times that we had together. Especially memories of our breakup which went from being amicable to be very, very ugly. That is the one reason why we vowed to never speak to one another again. While I know this is for the better and that no matter what I will NEVER try to, part of me still hurts that he has never tried. Like if I was such a great girl wouldn't he miss me even the slightest? Or at least wonder about where I am in my life and if I'm happy? I guess seeing his name there and knowing that he had the ability to contact me yet still did not is what hurt the most. I cannot even believe I am admitting this, yet alone feeling it. I know that I am over him and am in places that I never thought I would be in without him but part of me is still not over IT. Don't get me wrong, it was not a perfect relationship and it had definitely run its course but it was nice to love someone who loved me back and just really UNDERSTOOD me. As I have learned, its hard to find men who will put up with a crazy, neurotic moron like myself.

Finally after a few cigarettes and a cheeseburger I was able to snap out of my funk and focus on my steno test. I think I did pretty well and hope to get back my grade tomorrow. Its official though, we start speed building and testing next Tuesday. It will be our 20wpm test which I am not too nervous about since that is pretty god-damn slow. I guess it is just hitting me how fast this is going. I'm excited yet kind of nervous at the same time. I have never actually been on a clear path in my life and succeeded it at, so this is a first for me.

Don't forget to check out Mingle Monday! There are still a few more hours left to participate.

Commercial break - An advertisement and previews of a new series.

2010-11-08T17:28:00.002-05:00

If you are looking for more followers/blogs to read then I suggest you stop over at the Mingle Monday that Meg is hosting!

I'm also thinking of doing a series (I guess?) of posts entitled "Reason # ?? why I am still single" and posting something that I have already done that just might have driven a man away from me. I'm either going to call it that or "Reasons why I need to be on meds" because unfortunately both of those lists continue to grow each and every day.

The innocence of childhood...

2010-11-05T23:59:00.000-04:00

When you're a little kid you ALWAYS have these real shoot-for-the-stars kind of dreams that you could be or doing anything that you want to in this world. When you get a little older, maybe middle school-high school those dreams change into more realistic ones and then as you approach the real world the reality sets in. You realize that you most likely will not be achieving those dreams and that are you in fact not as incredible as you once thought you were. I'd love to have a little kid's mentality again, so naive and innocent, imagining (and believing) that you had the world at your fingertips. You know, the way that you look at the world before you experience personal failure and heartache, before you learned to expect nothing so that way you would avoid any disappointment. I would like to think that as a child I probably was not neurotic. Actually scratch that, I had social anxiety. So ok, maybe I did have issues back then as well but I wasn't aware of them yet so I guess I did not worry about them much.

As a child my babysitter was the television and from watching re-runs of I Love Lucy and Saturday Night Live I fell in love with both Lucille Ball and Gilda Radner. I touched into my past Lucy obsession in this post. I always saw Lucille Ball and Gilda Radner as these two women who were hilarious and stopped at nothing to make people laugh. My far-fetched childhood dream was to be a cast member on Saturday Night Live. I guess young Nikki thought older Nikki would actually be funny but unfortunately, I was wrong. Not saying that I don't make my friends laugh because I definitely do, but I am definitely not up to par with a cast member of the show. I take that back, with recent seasons I definitely am as funny if not funnier than half the cast members on now but that really is not saying much given the show sucks right now.

What was your far-fetched dream as a child?

Holy shit… This thing is never coming off

2010-11-02T22:19:00.002-04:00

So on Saturday I did something that is not me. Something that I swore I would never, EVER do… No, I did not have a one-night stand - I GOT A FRIGGIN TATTOO! My father was a sailor and had many tattoos, one being a naked woman on his arm and um lets just say when HE got older, she did as well. He also had his name on one set of knuckles and his first wife's name on the other and when I was little I would ALWAYS ask when they were getting back together. My mother loved that. As a result of that I kind of swore off tattoos and any kind of major body modification. That is until Friday where I somehow grew the balls to want a tattoo. I was debating between a pink heart or a little ladybug on my wrist but I am definitely happy with what I ended up getting.

If you cannot tell, that is the Open Hearts Collection by Jane Seymour (yanno, Dr. Quinn). When Tight Wad and I first broke up I was OBSESSED with this collection and the quote If your heart is open it will never stay broken and not only with that but I have also had an open heart towards other things in my life and I feel that it has helped me get through them. I love it and I feel that the tattoo is very "Nikki Jo". I am already thinking about my next one but I am not sure where I should put it …

Today was the first FULL day off (from both work AND school) that I have had off in a long time. What did I accomplish? Absolutely NOTHING. My room is still slightly messy (blasphemy) and I have yet to do my laundry. Whatever, I still managed to sleep 10 hours, get my nails done and spend $40 to rebound a book that cost me $60. I also spent some much needed time with Dora! I had not seen her in almost two weeks and even though we could not go roaming today (stupid early sunset) we went out to dinner at Chevy's and discovering that our Angel was hired back! It made our reunion THAT much more meaningful. We just happen to have one of those friendships where we could go weeks without seeing each other and just sort of pick right back up from where we left off. I know she is going through a really tough time right now but I would hope that she knows that no matter what I will FOREVER be there for her.

The back of my throat is numb… What are you doing?

2010-10-29T08:49:00.002-04:00

I hate not having enough time to post in this. School and work have just been in full swing lately and even though it is stressful, I feel that I am doing quite well. We are on the last chapter of theory in our book and now we start to build speed very soon so I am kind of nervous about that. I know I will be fine in the beginning. Just from seeing/hearing others I am confident that I will end up passing my 70 at the end of this semester. I manage to practice often and I just know myself. After that? ... not so sure. I have heard that a popular speed that people get stuck on is 90 so I've braced myself for it. I know that this is a hard and frustrating thing to do however, I also know that it is not impossible. I also know what I am capable of doing once I apply myself to something but unfortunately this is something that I have failed to do consistently all throughout my life. I was starting to feel bad that the majority of my posts are about school but then I thought fuck it. This is MY blog, about MY life and if right now my life is mainly just school, then so be it. It is not going to be like this forever. This is just one long, boring chapter in the book of Nikki.

Speaking of school, I guess I must have not graduated high school in 2005 because I feel that I am right back there all over again. There is A LOT of drama that goes on here and I actually think its because the majority of us are from Staten Island. I guess I just expected this to be more of a professional environment, especially because everyone here is training for a career as opposed to say a job. Whatever, I need to block it out and not have it bother me. In the end, this is MY life I am bettering so it really does not matter what the people around me are choosing to do with theirs.

For reasons that I will not go into at this time, I have been feeling very lonely lately. On Saturday I went over one of my sorority sister's houses and had a much needed girls night. We ended up going to the local sex store and just having a lot of fun. I guess its been a long time since I was regularly getting laid because they have all of this new stuff that I was not aware of. One of the items that someone had found and purchased were these mints that numbed the back of your throat. Trust me, they actually work as well. Unfortunately I have not yet learned to separate sex from emotion (that summer goal was not completed... FAIL) so I did not have a little um "friend" that I could send a text to about this. This does not bother me as much because for the first time in like ever I am actually truly content with being single. Not to say if I met a guy who truly knocked me off my feet I would not go for it but for right now, this is working for me. I guess it is a blessing in disguise that the guy I have a serious crush on might have a girlfriend. Sometimes life is funny that way I guess. Its just a little unfortunate that somewhere out there, there is a guy who missed out on an amazing blow job.

Two years later ...

2010-10-19T22:57:00.000-04:00

Today is a very special anniversary for me. On October 19, 2008 (yes, I remember the date) Tight Wad and I broke up for good. It definitely was not easy, especially once my anger finally subsided and I had realized what happened but I felt that I dealt with it in a very positive way and I managed to grow a lot from it. This was also at the point of my life when I had turned my back on all of my friends (for Tight Wad) so I pretty much had no body when I went through this, just a few girls who did care but I was not extremely close with. If I could get through that alone then I could pretty much get through anything else that is thrown my way alone, which is what I am now. But that's just another can of worms that I don't feel like opening right now, at least with this post. I just cannot believe how much my life has changed in these past two years…

For one I was getting laid regularly. That kicked back up again last summer but it has not been on a regular basis since then. Its not the most important but nonetheless it is still a major difference in my life. Also, I had absolutely NO IDEA what I wanted to do with my life. I was still attending this school that I nick-named "The Zoo" because in all honesty, that is what it was. It is the community college in Manhattan and basically everyone that goes there does so because they are not ready for college. Saying the school is a joke would be a complete understatement and yet somehow I ended up there. Definitely not one of my proudest moments but honestly I don't feel that I would be where I am today if it were not for this school and one of the professors that I had there. After Tight Wad and I broke up I bounced around between schools and finally on Easter I figured out needed to be. Also, I was working at a job that I was not too fond of and did not make too much money. Now, I have the job at the bank and I can honestly say that I do like my job. I do get paid a lot when compared to other jobs however I also tend to spend a lot more as well, so money is pretty tight right now.

I guess the only thing that has remained the same or maybe even worsened is my weight. I think I've gained around 10-15 pounds in the last two years. I finally have my life under control for the most part and it feels amazing. Now I really need to get this under control. I don't know how many times I have said those or even have written about this in my blog but I really need to get my weight under control. I pay for the gym and for weight watchers monthly and am literally wasting $80 every month. Right now I am trying to use that as my motivation for going. I just know how much that losing weight will impact and more importantly improve my life. I know I will be more confident and will be able to do many of the things that I do a lot easier. I just don't know why it is not clicking for me at the moment. I know I do not want to be in a relationship for at least another two years (25 I think is going to be a BIG year for me) so really besides that whole building speed thing, what else do I have to work on right now? I just need to find the right kind of motivation and I need to do so, fast.

If you would have told me two years ago, as I was sitting on my bed HYSTERICAL crying… that I would not only be OK but that I would be even better, I would not have believed you. I can honestly look back on the relationship I had with Tight Wad and say that I am truly grateful for it. I am grateful that I fell in love and learned what it was to love someone and have them truly love you back. I also learned what it was to feel extreme heartbreak and disappointment and from this I am a better person and now know what I want out of a relationship. I hope that he learned a lot of things as well that have helped him to become a better man. I hope that wherever he is and whatever he is doing that he is happy because I know that he would want the same for me.

Now lets see how I continue with this chapter of my life …

To whom it may concern...

2010-10-15T12:13:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, the new semester hit me harder than I thought it would. So far it has been going smoothly and I am definitely practicing more, which is good. I still really like it and I hope that I stay as motivated as I am now, especially when I get into speed building. I have so much to update about it and will hopefully do so this weekend but I am just stopping by to quickly say that I am alive and have not abandoned this blog!

Easy semester? Well shit I spoke too soon.

2010-09-27T22:40:00.005-04:00

I had such a relaxing week off. I got most of what I wanted accomplished, my room is nearly done and I am just waiting on my corner piece which has been backordered until early November. I decided to cap off the week by driving down to Lancaster, PA to visit Marathoner and her husband at their new house. I woke up really early and it took me about 2-2 1/2 hours to get there. Not bad, just a very boring drive to do alone. We had a lot of fun and it was great to see them and catch up. We went to the outlets and I kind of went crazy in Coach. Like $300 worth of crazy. I guess I could justify it with the fact that I got a lot of school and if I paid retail I would have spent over $700. I ended up FINALLY getting a brown bag that I loved and got a really good deal on it. After that debacle they took me out to dinner for my birthday which was great since we ended up missing each other's birthday celebrations because of life getting in the way. Instead of going out we ended up spending a quiet evening at their house playing guitar hero, rummy 500 and monopoly with Marathoner's mother and friend. It was a lot cheaper than going out drinking and definitely made it much easier to wake up Sunday morning. I guess I just really needed a nice, relaxing end to my mini vacation and that is exactly what I got. Also, I realized that playing guitar hero could help improve my finger dexterity which would overall help me build speed so I guess I will be practicing more after all.

So the semester started again today. I seriously could not believe that I was waking up for school again this morning especially with this shitty weather that we have been having. I was fine in my medical terminology class and can even be quoted saying that I felt that this was going to an easy semester. That all changed when I walked into my steno class. The way this class is set up is that for the first 10 lessons we have theory and then we start learning how to build speed. I like our teacher so far, today he actually introduced us to a new way of sitting which has improved my writing. Then came the fun part - the homework. Now don't get me wrong, last semester our teacher did assign us homework but nothing like this guy. Today was just the first day and already he has us doing two lessons, two times each. Unfortunately, I can't just wing it and do the homework between my breaks anymore, I actually have to practice. I knew this point would come sooner or later. Well, goodbye social life... It was fun while it lasted!

So far my predictions for the semester are - A) I go for a drive, park my car on the lower level of the Verrazano Bridge¹ and decide to take a swim or B) I will become completely dependent on Adderall causing me to have a Jessie Spano-like freak out at 4AM while practicing. Lets just hope that no innocent bystanders will be harmed during this term.

_{1. Ironically there is a sign that reads Life is worth living at the entrance of that bridge. Apparently that is THE bridge to jump off of if you live in Staten Island.}

With a new season comes new priorities.

2010-09-22T23:03:00.005-04:00

Sorry I have not been posting as much, since the semester ended last Thursday and we have a week off from classes I decided to take off from work as well this week. I have been taking a lot of time to just relax and do the things that I will not have time to do once the next semester begins. Not gonna lie, it feels fucking AMAZING not to have any responsibilities. I guess this is why I loved living a lazy existence for so long. I have said it before and I will say it as many times as I deem necessary, I cannot believe that I am here and how proud I am of myself. I know its only one semester and I have to complete many others but given my history with school, having a successful semester is a huge deal for me. I am just kind of nervous about next semester and starting speed. Everyone says that building speed is one of the most frustrating things you will ever do so needless to say, I am freaked out. Ugh anyway enough about this court reporting shit on my week off.

This week I have been semi-productive. My aunt and I finally finishing decorating most of my bedroom, a project that has been in the making for three years now. I say almost because I have this corner tower thingamabob coming in the mail. Once that arrives my room will be complete and I will take some pictures. I am truly happy with the outcome of it so far and since it is such a change (we all know how I love change) it will just get some getting used to. One of my goals for this break is to flip my closet from summer clothes to fall clothes. I am convinced that I am starting to develop OCD because I have recently become obsessed with organizing and cleaning up things. To the point that I cannot rest without things in the room being fixed. I am sure my co-workers love this because not one person who I close with has had to clean for the past few weeks. The only thing else I could think of is nesting but since its been a one-way street down there for a few, I highly doubt it. Anyway, tomorrow my mother is taking off of work (solely to annoy me) I am taking advantage of it and recruiting mommy for a little shopping spree. I am paying of course but sometimes she will throw a shirt or two my way, just for shits. I figure once I buy all of my fall/winter clothes THEN i could convert my closet/drawers. I guess this is what you think and write about when you have no life. My school and work life have teamed up and turned my social life to shit. I guess its for the better though since I am starting to save money. Another thing I have been doing this break is going exploring with Dora! On Monday we went to a few more historical places on Staten Island and I took many pictures. (Whaddup Flickr) We also just talked about everything going on in life and it was just nice to have that kind of a day with her.

I have also done a lot of thinking this week. I have probably said this before but right now, I actually do not want a relationship. I am usually that girl who always needs to have a constant guy in her life but I don't know, I guess I just grew up? I just have a lot going on and unfortunately school is just going to become more and more demanding so this is something that I know I cannot handle right now. Since I have not had a guy in my life, it has just been so much less stressful and it has caused me to realize that it is just not worth it. Of course I have my um needs and all but that goes back to my learning how to separate sex from emotions. I guess that is one thing in life that I cannot plan (but we all know that I will try) so I guess this is a way that I could learn how to just go with the flow and let things happen. I just do not feel like dealing with the stress of if a guy likes me or if he is going to call/text me, I am on such a straight track with school right now that I do not need anything to deflect me. I guess I really am growing up...

So today was the first day of fall!! I celebrated by getting a dark color on my nails and toenails and by polluting the air in my house with apple cinnamon candles. The leaves are already starting to turn and hopefully soon enough the air will become cool and crisp! I am definitely looking forward to having a great fall and I hope everyone has one as well!

Nobody likes you when you're 23

2010-09-17T01:04:00.004-04:00

Don't worry - I have not abandoned this blog! I am actually in the process of writing a post and so far it has been taking my four days to complete. Neurosis/procrastination at its finest!

So today I am 23... That's kind of a scary thing. I mean, I'm not dreading it like I was my 22nd birthday but it just feels weird to me. I would kill to go back to 5 years ago this time. I was going to meet this guy that I met off of facebook (FB was ONLY for college kids back then, so it was legit lol) who lived in Long Island. I was driving there with two of my friends that I had met during freshman orientation and even though we did not get to hang out with my guy, we had a blast just having dinner in this random diner in Syosset, Long Island. Lesson learned, of course but still a fun night. I also remember that recruitment had just ended and that next morning I had a missed call from my would-be pledge mistress, telling me that she was giving me a bid to join the sorority. Things are done a lot differently now-a-days but I remember that seriously made my birthday. So much has changed in my life since then. For one, I was only on TAKE ONE of college and had yet to assfuck my life. Second, I had yet to fall in love. I did not meet Tight Wad until a couple of months later and although looking back that relationship was anything but ideal, I am still forever grateful for what I learned during it. I guess everything happens for a reason...

Cutting this short because its my birthday and I need my beauty rest!

How many boxes of Kotex does one really need?

2010-09-09T11:35:00.001-04:00

My mother and I are two completely different people. One of the major differences is with cleanliness/organization. It must be the Virgo in me because when I get the free time (which I have some more of now), I am a freak with organizing things. My mother on the other hand, is not. I don't know if I would classify her as a hoarder but she is not too good about throwing things out. Case and point, the upstairs (full) bathroom. Tuesday night I was brushing my teeth and getting ready to go to bed early (like 11:00) when I noticed how packed the bathroom cabinet was. Upon further investigation I realized that the majority of items crammed in there were about to celebrate their 3rd birthday. A half hour and a bag filled with expired products later, I was finally ready for bed. The amount of useless junk in the cabinets did not even COMPARE to what was actually under the sink. There was a mountain-sized pile under there just waiting to either capsize or have someone rescue it. Since I was off from work on Wednesday I decided that I would tackle that pile after school. So I put on some Eminem (best music to clean to), brought over the arsenal of cleaning products that I keep in my room, sat Indian-style on the bathroom floor and went to work. I threw out almost everything that was under there. Who knew that common items such as hydrogen peroxide and static guard have expiration dates? While I was cleaning things out, I found some mold. I had to send pics to Dora to clarify that it was in fact mold and not... presents from a little visitor. I seriously would not have recovered from that or finding the dead (or... alive) culprit in the back of all of this stuff. I guess this explains why I have this hacking cough in the bathroom and only the bathroom. Then I decided to tackle one of the drawers in the bottom of the counter. I could not believe all of the crap that I found down there! I swear we must own stock in Kotex or something. So I went on a throwing out rampage of all of the feminine products as well. As being the sole menstruating being in this household (the dog was sewn up), I feel that I have the authority to pick and choose which products I will use and will not. This is around the time that my mother came home from work. The conversation then proceeded to go a little like this:

Ice Crotch: "Um... why are you throwing out these perfectly good tampons?!"
Nikki: "I think I have the right to decide what I do and do not stick up my vagina"

Seriously, its not like I was throwing out anything that she might use one day. One does not need four different kinds of pads and three different types of tampons. Its not like I have the flood gates going, it comes every month for like 3-5 days. One box of each is sufficient. Don't even get me started on the twelve different kinds of floss that are in the toothpaste drawer. I guess I will get to that another day.

I have to go to work so this will be cut short but let this be a lesson to everyone - EVERYTHING expires eventually and even so often you should clean the bottom of your bathroom sink because it WILL get moldy.

fuck you, fuck you very very much

2010-09-07T09:45:00.000-04:00

So last night Dora and I had some much-needed alone time and where else to spend it but Chevy's. As of Friday Dora became FUNemployed so we had to go out and celebrate how much life is shitting on her at the moment. We ended up requesting our new favorite waiter Angel. He remembered us and we really had great conversation with him and OMG he is just fucking fabulous. I die. Dora and I were telling him about when we worked in a restaurant in high school (this is how we met) which turned into the three of us exchanging crazy stories. Apparently Angel, who is not one for hiding his sexuality (not that he should have to) and has actually faced discrimination for it at work. I could not believe that he has actually had tables call him a "fucking faggot" and to his face, no less. I was happy to hear that he comes from a very open family who accepted him for who he is but I just wish that he could have that everywhere he goes. He is just there to make money, plain and simple and that is something that everyone needs to get by.

This almost reminds me of when I was in high school. I went to a catholic all-girls high school and girls were famous for being gay there, almost to the point of it being the cool thing to do. I remember speaking to a girl in my classes about my dreams for getting married and having this lavish wedding and she turned around and said that she had the same dream, only she was not able to see it come true, based on who she loves. That was kind of my wake-up call to realize how unfair it really was. I feel that I would be the same person, regardless if I was gay or straight. That means that I would still want my dream wedding and to think that I could be denied this and basically a right to my happiness is almost sickening. A few years ago for speech class I did a persuasive speech on the sanctity of marriage and basically in my research realized how that all is a bunch of bullshit. I mean hell, I know of a couple (straight) who was married in May and is already getting a divorce. It is almost like marriage is a joke to us and it is kind of like a slap in the face to same sex couples because we are abusing something that they are not allowed to do. Marriage should not be just between a man and a woman but between two people who love each other. I guess I am speaking to the choir here. Its funny because I consider myself to be a person with conservative views as far as politics are concerned but this is just something that I feel is not right. Like who the hell am I to judge if someone can marry their true love or not. Another reason why this is on my mind is because of LZ. I'm not even going to say who she is to me in my life because God forbid someone finds this post but she is in love with another girl. I doubt she is a lesbian because as long as I've known her she has been attracted to men and she still is but she just happened to fall in love with a girl. The very sad part is that very few people know about this. It just makes me think back to my first love, everyone in this world knew about Tight Wad and how excited/happy I was. LZ feels the exact same way only she cannot share it with the people she is closest to, her family. She comes from an extremely conservative family (her and her siblings have not had a sip of alcohol until their 21st birthdays) and she fears that once they find out about her relationship (its been almost 5 months) they will kick her out of her house. Its strange because while I am so happy for them (they are ADORABLE together) I just feel so sad for them all at the same time.

After Dora and I left Chevy's the financial situation left us listening to Lily Allen in the car for a while. I am her new biggest fan, her songs are absolutely amazing! One of them in particular just summed up the conversation for the evening and ended up being the title of this post. This is just the way that I see things, I am a very conservative person, especially with topics such as welfare and immigration but others I feel that as long as you are not hurting others/the economy, which in turn hurts others - then you should be free to live your life as you please. The only thing that offends me about Angel is that he has better eyebrows than I do. But his are drawn on, so he's a little cheater at that one. I'm gonna get all Dr. Martin Luther King on ya'll but I sincerely hope that the world that my children live in is better than the one we are in now.

Just a moment, while we return to your regularly scheduled programming...

2010-09-06T18:06:00.003-04:00

So I made a post but then I TOOK IT BACK because well, I felt that it sucked. So while I hang out with my best friend/re-write the post please head over to Meg's all new Labor Day version of MIngle Monday. While you're there getting new followers/readers, check her out because she's pretty awesome!

HAPPY SEPTEMBER!

2010-09-02T09:32:00.002-04:00

So instead of practicing for the final that I have in approximately THREE hours, I am making a quick, little post. Clearly I have my priorities straight.

Basically I am surrounded by a whirlwind of change right now. For once, I changed my blog's layout/NAME/theme etc so, um... CHECK IT OUT if you have not done so already! One of my closest friends, Marathoner is moving to Lancaster PA in a little less than two weeks. I am basically done with this semester and am moving on to my Advanced Theory class and am kind of terrified about starting speed (I have to ultimately write at 50 words/minute to pass the class). I just cannot believe how quickly this semester went by. More so, I cannot believe that a mere six months ago,I would not have even THOUGHT of doing this or being where I am today. To top this all off, I just started weight watchers today (again) so my eating habits are changing and hopefully I will learn to exercise more.

My favorite change of them all? FALL! I absolutely love fall and the month of September (birthday month!) and cannot be more happy right now. I love when the air gets crisp and you need to start wearing cardigans and light sweaters. I love wearing uggs and being able to paint my nails those dark/almost black colors. I love love LOVE pumpkin spice lattes and sipping them outside on a cool morning. I love the beautiful leaves and just the smell of fall in general. I actually want to take the times to do things this fall, like pumpkin and apple picking. If my sorority does so this year, I will definitely go with them to the Breast Cancer walk/Fright Fest (a yearly tradition). I need to learn how to let go and loosen up a little more, I might start to enjoy life more if I do so. I never used to look forward to fall like this, it always meant back to school so it sucked but now I love it!

I cannot wait for my birthday this year which is a HUGE switch from last year. Last year I basically was unhappy where I was in life. I had a very low paying job where I had NO hours, I was in St. John's still and had basically no credits under my belt and no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was coming off from Minute Man JUST ending things and overall was just in a bad place. Turning 22 did not seem like it was going to be such a great year of change. Boy, was I wrong! It took a few months but I finally got the hang of life. I guess it really does not matter how long you take to get there, just as long as you do.

Whaddup New Layout!

2010-08-31T08:46:00.002-04:00

So along with changing the name/theme of this blog I have changed my layout as well. Some may have seen the adorable one that I was using yesterday but I had mucho trouble editing it so this will have to do. I will get around to maybe making a header eventually.

I have a final in 15 minutes so I am cutting this short. I also have finals the rest of this week (plus work) so I most likely will not be posting. Bring on the pumpkin spice lattes with multiple espresso shots&pulling 1/2 nighters. I cannot BELIEVE that this semester is over already!

GTKY Sunday because flickr is taking a year and a day

2010-08-30T00:13:00.000-04:00

Out of sheer boredom I decided to par-take in another Getting to Know You Sunday. That and Flickr is taking a year to upload all of my pictures. Without further ado, here are my answers!

1. If you accidently knick a car in a parking lot..Do you leave a note or do you get the heck out of there?
Depends on how bad it is. If I just hit the car while getting in/out of mine, I just walk away and justify it as they had it coming for parking so close to the line.

2. Love your body or plastic surgery?
Plastic surgery, no questions asked. Yes, I am a vain bitch.

3. What about your favorite blog(s) continues to drive you back?
Definitely the content and the blogger's ability to tell a story.

4. What percent of your blog is BS just to make your life seem more interesting than it really is?
5% BS and 95% real. This is probably the main reason for my disappearing followers/low readership. I need to either find a more interesting life or learn how to make up better stories.

5. If you had to give up one type of meat for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Pork. I just don't like the consistency of it.

6. How often to you eat out?
Too often. It is where all of my money goes.

7. Skinny jeans or boot cut jeans?
Boot cut. I am far too fat for skinny jeans.

8. If you caught your spouse cheating would you forgive, divorce, or plan your kill?
ONE OF MY GREATEST FEARS IN LIFE. I am hoping that I would access the situation first before doing something. However, this would probably destroy the trust and without trust you cannot have a happy marriage so there is no "stay together for the kids" situation. I would rather my children growing up in a split family than seeing an unhappy marriage.

A permanent change...

2010-08-26T10:01:00.001-04:00

So I'm not sure if you've noticed but I totally re-named this blog, again. I think this one is a keeper though. However, since changing it I have lost two followers so either a) they did not recognize the name/blog and got rid of it or b) my writing it shit and sucks ~~and I suck~~. Unfortunately, it is probably the latter. When I have the free time I will definitely try to make a new header/fix my layout so that everything matches.

I went on a ginormous shopping spree at Lane Bryant and for the most part I am pretty set as far as fall clothes are concerned. I also decided to "Fall clean" (thanks to my blogger crush for that term) my room and got about as far as my closet. I cleaned out all of the shelves that are in my closet and dumped everything out onto my bed. It look horrifying and the mound was as tall as me. So then I went to Bed Bath and Friggin Beyond and purchased a shitload of organization canvas baskets. I threw out so much stuff, things that I forgot that I even owned. I've always been good about throwing things out though, I am sentimental yet practical. And just too much of a neat freak for my own good. After dirt-deviling my shelves (a necessary thing) I sorted everything into bins by categories and 5 hours, 10 bins and 2 HUGE garbage bags later, I was done. I have never felt so accomplished in my life. Next up? My drawers. My drawers are a disaster area and I have so much wasted space. I probably would be able to fit all of clothes in my room if I just organized my drawers. I guess I will leave that and finally finishing my bedroom (decorating) for the full week that I am off. I took off of work that week too because well fuck, I earned it! I am so damn proud of myself after this semester and the fact that I managed to do well at my job at the same time (something I have never done) that I might as well have a party.

Speaking of parties... I have decided what I am going to do for my 23rd birthday - go to Jose Tejas! For those unfortunate enough not to know what that is, it is basically a Tex-Mex restaurant that is not only cheap but the food is amazing! I had a really hard time with the facebook invite for this lol. I did not want to cause drama by leaving people out but lets just say that I hope that not everyone shows up.

I've decided that September 1st will bring forth many permanent changes in my life. I will not smoke anymore. Its mainly just a stress thing but its really not healthy for me and plus its disgusting. I will also try to exercise and definitely monitor/control my eating. Of course September 17 will be the exception but I just really want to change my life. Succeeding in work and school really gave me the feeling that I truly can do anything if I put my mind to it. Lets just hope that I can maintain this burst of energy/motivation that I seem to have. If anything, I always have this blog to help me with it.

Santa rides a bike and Elvis has clearly never left this building

2010-08-24T09:17:00.006-04:00

Well last week was filled with more drama than I would ever like to be present. On Friday, an alumni member on my tree had a BBQ and invited a whole bunch of active girls, including their absentee president. I saw a lot of girls that I have not seen all summer and at one point I actually felt like I was Don Corleone on the day of my daughter's wedding because I kept having private (drama filled) conversations with girls off to the side. First up, my twin! I have not seen/spoken to her since the beginning of the summer so it was just really good to catch up with her. She is someone that I feel that I could trust and I just loved catching up with her. Next was my little, unfortunately this conversation was not so successful. She just denied everything and made it seem like people were spreading all of these rumors about her. Now, I'm sure that some of what I heard was exaggerating but I cannot believe that everything was a lie. I'm just even more disappointed in her because she did not own up to ONE thing. I would have had a lot more respect for her if she did. I guess she truly is not who I thought she was. The next up, my poor little little! Basically she never felt that she had a big to begin with so she really does not know what to miss. I told her how I would always be there for her and she could come to me no matter what. Saturday was the meeting and not much happened there. Just the president giving a huge sob story about her life and promising to do better next term. They did make some changes though regarding the elections for next semester, which might change things for the better. Unfortunately, my little did not attend this meeting. Instead she felt it necessary to play jenga (or so I've been told) with a girl in another sorority. Now, the sorority has not had a meeting in months and you were under the impression that your president was either going to step down or be impeached, isn't this a meeting that you feel would be important to attend? Seriously, I do not get it...

So Saturday night after the meeting me, Z and B went into the city to celebrate B's 23rd birthday. We went to the Trailer Park Lounge in Chelsea and it was kind of hysterical. The place looks like a legit trailer park, complete with a mobile home right in the middle of the bar. We had a good time and drank terribly strong margaritas. Since we did not eat dinner, we decided to get something at the bar and the food was just as trash-tastic. I had (burnt) mac and cheese and tater tots and felt like a kid again. The decor was also amazing. It was as if they raided every garage sale on the east coast for the tackiest shit that they could find. My favorites included the random displaced Christmas decorations click and Santa ridin' dirty click. Also, there was Elvis memorabilia EVERYWHERE. Since Z needed to leave early I caught a ride home with her (I had work the next morning) and was in bed by 2 - no hangover for me at work!

I'm definitely glad that I got to spend a lot of time with my sorority sisters this week but next time I would like to do so, minus the drama. Tonight I am most likely closing and then going for coffee with my big and twin!

Z and I have decided that on September 1 (next week!) we are going to join Weight Watchers. I cannot tell you how many times I have joined but I seriously want to make a change in my life. Let's just hope I follow through with it this time ...

Sunday GTKY

2010-08-22T23:52:00.002-04:00

Join in Getting to know YOU

1. If you could host a Reality TV show, which one would it be?

Top Chef. Although I'd probably be the size of a manatee from all of that food!

2. Do you put your seatbelt on before or after you start the car?

After.

3. Shave or hair removal cream?

Shave/wax. I had a bad experience when I naired my eyebrows and lost half of one, the day before my Confirmation. Oh yes, I was always a bright one.

4. What's your favorite feature in a house?

Kitchen and bathroom.

5. What is your favorite "Fall" scent?

Pumpkin spice :)

6. What tv show are you looking forward to seeing the most this Fall??

I really don't have (or at least I can't think of anything) that I watch during the fall. However, there is a show premiering on HBO called Boardwalk Empire that I am looking forward to.

7. Personal Shopper or Personal Chef?

Chef, without a doubt.

8. What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of "Fall"?

MANY THINGS! Crisp, cool weather, beautiful leaves, pumpkin spice lattes and um, MY BIRTHDAY !!! Yes, fall is my favorite season and it is sooo close!

Soo.. like I promised in my last entry, real update coming! I will make it tomorrow during class since well, I'm usually bored out of my mind in it. EVENTFUL weekend that was both good and bad.

The best I could come up with at this time...

2010-08-18T09:58:00.001-04:00

Soo this one is going to be a quickie ... -_- ok, I guess I need to get laid.

Anyway, you might have noticed a new blog title in your reader - Don't fret, it's just me :)

I'm not 100% thrilled with this name and I'm a little thrown off now because I actually have a frequently used tag with this exact title. I don't know. I have a name that I like better but I'm told that it is not "original" enough to be the title of my blog. Seriously I wish I was more creative sometimes.

Also... See my header? I made that using Paint Shop Pro when I had my old laptop. Since I know have a mac (sticks nose in air), I have NO idea what similar program I could use. What do you guys use?

Real post coming later, promise :)

Idk, my bff Angel?

2010-08-17T09:06:00.009-04:00

Yesterday I ended up taking a mental health day and Dora did as well! We had a much needed bonding day where we both spent way too much money. We started out small, getting our nails done and for the first time in a very long time, I got tips. They are very short because I cannot type with long nails. This is just so they don't break/chip and I actually really like them. Then we turned our madness over to the state of New Jersey and things started to get a little funny.

We first went to Marshalls where I found a cute little trunk for my room and OMG!? my favorite Kathy Van Zeeland wallet but in ZEBRA. So of course I had to fucking buy it. Omg, amazing and only $20. I'm in love. Who needs a man? Seriously, a vibrator and my Visa (credit card that is, not a document stating that I am allowed to be in this country) are all I need to get by. If needed, I'll adopt a baby from Korea because they are adorable. Ok, back to my post...

We then ventured over to Chevy's and that is where the fun began. Dora and I frequent Chevy's to the point of us recognizing (and they do us as well) host/wait staff. Yesterday we had a waiter that I had never seen before. Enter Angel... Instead of my making up a name I will just use his drag queen pseudonym. Angel came over to our table while Dora was in the bathroom and DIED over my wallet (I had a tendency to change wallets/sort receipts at the table at restaurants) and I knew right then and there, that this was love. You see, I need a gay best friend. I need a man who is just a big of a bitch as I am to give me advice. He could make fun of others with me and then turn around and bring me back down to earth when I'm freaking over some asshole that is in my life. I want a boy that I could go shopping with (since my style tends to err towards the side of flamboyant), stare at hot guys with and of course, to go out and make fun of less fortunate looking people with. I definitely need a man like that in my life. I was thinking of posting an ad for one on craigslist and seeing how far that gets me. So for the entire meal Dora and I sat there trying to figure out how we would convince Angel to join our wolfpack. You see, I've never asked a man out before, much less a gay one so I was very nervous. We ended up telling him how fabulous he was and asking him out. He works at deko in Jersey (think the cast of Jersey Shore, going there when they were underage) and gave us his number so maybe one day we might pay him a visit, (hopefully) get drunk for free and then see who can stand on one foot while touching their nose to determine who drives home.

Today I am meeting up with B for lunch since she has an interview this morning in midtown and then after school I have a training class at work and afterwards I will be attending a much needed bitchfest with some more of my favorite sorority sisters. I will be seeing some girls that I have not seen in way too long and I cannot wait for that!

Oh, I need some advice! Since my skin thinks that I am 12 and not 22, I have a slight situation regarding blemishes/mild acne. Ten years ago I would have used proactive to treat this but since that stuff does have an expiration date, I have nothing on hand. I was thinking of trying Zeno since the ads featuring Whitney Port managed to grab my attention. I also basically have spots/giant random pimples so a spot treatment like that seems best. Has anyone tried this?! Does it work!? Please comment, regardless if you follow/normally read me or not! Thank you so much!

Here's to the person that I thought you were...

2010-08-16T11:51:00.002-04:00

Have you ever had that person in your life who you were always proud of? Even though you are not as close as you once were with this person, you always tried to be there for them in anyway possible. My little and I are not as close as we could be but I mainly blame our age difference (she's 20) and thought we would probably hang out more next year when we could get in the same places. She always knew how proud I was of her and that I would be there for her no matter what. Back when we were picking who we wanted, I ended up loosing this one girl to a girl who had the pick before I did. I was crushed but happy once I got to know my little, realizing how similar we were. I guess this summer just changed that all ...

Yesterday as I was clocking out of work I got a call from one of the younger girls on my tree who I adore. She is graduating early and is interested in running for president this winter and calls me, as an older girl, for advice. I knew something was wrong when I picked up and she yelled "I hate your little and (another girl)" - two girls who are not only on her family tree but her pledge sisters as well. For two hours I sat in the parking lot at work listening to the havoc that these girls have wrecked this summer. From causing un-necessary drama with a sister whose father just unexpectedly passed away to sleeping with a guy that another sister was hooking up with, there just seems to be no end in sight. I just feel terrible for her little (my little-little) because now apparently they hate each other. I am not close with my big so I always wanted them to be close with each other. Not only this but there is also drama surrounding the president, or lack thereof and how she was doing her best to ruin everything that I had once stood for. It has gotten so bad that the active girls have not had a meeting (or community service event) since June and we even have a member of the Executive Board thinking about resigning. I have seen the sorority in its highs and lows and this is by far the worse that I have seen. There is a meeting next week that me and some other alumni members are going to attend because there is a lot that is going to happen and be discussed there.

I am definitely not getting as involved as I used to and frankly, I was not going to get involved at ALL (aside from giving advice) but this concerns my little and I feel as though I have to be there. I will still give my little the benefit of the doubt and hear her out but hearing this was just very shocking. Obviously she is not innocent in this but I think that she has been provoked this summer. I will still be there for her if she needs me, I am just very disappointed in her.

Anyway, I ended up meeting up with the girl I was on the phone with and a few other girls that my little apparently terrorized this summer (they are all best friends) and I lost my True Blood virginity! I was very lost but I liked it enough to watch the next episode/catch up on this season.

On Saturday Ice Crotch and I trekked out to Whole Foods which is my favorite store to shop at. We got a lot of healthy things and I plan on cooking for the week so I might be able to get on the right track as far as eating is concerned. My semester is also winding down and my classes for the fall are all confirmed so it seems like this might be a great week coming up. This is good because this weekend was horrible!

Oh and BTW, I made a Tumblr and you can find it here. It basically will be a 365 Project but I just did two posts to "test" it out so I will definitely try to start that today. If I cannot take a picture I will definitely post a quote or something that sums up my day. All of my pictures have to come from my phone since the software for my camera ONLY works on a PC (WTF!!?! Anyone else have this issue?!) so they won't be high quality.

Deep down inside we all want the same thing

2010-08-13T12:43:00.002-04:00

... More followers, that is. So I've decided to join the Follow Friday over at Still on the Verge.

If you want to join up as well, here is her button -

it took almost 23 years but i think i figured something out

2010-08-10T10:16:00.003-04:00

So today is August 10th (almost the middle of August) which means that my birthday is in exactly five weeks. Wow, 23 years old. Oddly enough I am not as upset as I was when I turned 22. All I could think about was how I was no longer 21 and starting to get older. What really depressed me though was that I was turning 22, had a minimum wage job where I was given only 8 hours a week and was basically in my sophomore year of college. There is nothing wrong with being 22 however, there is something wrong with being 22 and having the same lifestyle of a 19 year old. THAT is what I was being faced with. As I read back to the posts that I wrote around New Year's I can see that I just wanted this year to be different. I wanted to free myself from being trapped with the life of a 19 year old. I know that I have messed up in the past but I needed it to stop holding me back in the future. Hell, even six months ago I would not think that I would be where I am right now. I was not even hired at the bank yet, much less a court reporting student. I just feel like so much has changed in my life and for the better.

I am actually looking forward to my job. I have a decent paying job that I love and make good money and I am doing very well in school. I'm finally on my way to being in adult and I truly feel happy with life. It would be lovely to have a boyfriend, I'm sure but at least the more important aspects of my life are being taken care of.

This gets me to the main idea of this post. I have two years until my 25th birthday. Now THAT is scary. I do have a few goals that I would like to accomplish before that. By my 25th birthday - I would like to have graduated and be a freelance court reporter. This is VERY possible. Also, I want to have lost all the weight I want to/be healthy and be in the middle of training for the 2012 NYC Marathon. This I'm not so sure if it is possible. I mean, it could happen. Whether or not it is possible is entirely up to me. I would love for it to happen though, I am not getting younger and I am sure eventually my health will catch up with me. I just want every part of my life to be complete and just how getting job and finally figuring out what I wanted to do with my life have helped, I feel this will as well. Since I am terrible at dieting, I am just going to start with making smarter choices, such as not drinking soda anymore and not eating out as much. Its not that I eat poorly, I just do not exercise in any way, shape or form. Since the dog loves going out maybe I should just stop making excuses and start small with that? I mean, something is better than nothing, which is what I am currently doing. I am so proud of myself for all I have done in these past six months, I want to be able to look back in two years at all I have been able to accomplish with this as well.

I just hope I could finally figure out something that I can stick with.

Getting to Know You (AKA I'm just bored in class)

2010-08-09T09:07:00.002-04:00

So I decided to do the Getting to Know You thing with MannLand because I am bored in class lol. If you want to participate as well, go to that site and just post/link up!

1. Do you think mustaches are sexy?
Not in the least bit! I don't find facial hair sexy, period.

2. What's the last concert you've been to?
*NSYNC - No Strings Attached tour in 2001. I tried changing this and going to a Lady Gaga one this summer but I was unable to get tickets.

3. What was your favorite 80s sitcom?
I was only 3 when the 80's ended. Would Roseanne count?! It did premiere in the 80's and was one of my favorite shows when I was younger.

4. Were you named after anyone?
Yes, my daddy. His name was Nicholas Joseph and my name is Nikki Jo.

5. When you buy new clothes, do you wash before wearing?
Only jeans and bras/underwear.

6. If you didn't blog what would you do with your spare time?
Probably FaceBook so THANK GOD for this blog lol.

7. What is your favorite department store?
Definitely Macy*s, they have EVERYTHING!

8. If you were to get laser hair removal, where would you get it?
Would it be possible to get your um, who-hah hair laser removed? If so, definitely that!

a blog with no name...

2010-08-09T00:53:00.004-04:00

So I still have not come up with an appropriate title or theme for my blog. I have had a few ideas but the consensus was that they were not going to work. I don't know how people have come up with these great names or have made those cute little cartoon-like headings. I just don't feel like "A Single Girl in the City..." is the best way to describe what is written in this blog. Granted, I mention living a single life and dabbling into the dating world and promiscuity but that is not what it I am all about. I am many things, mainly a girl who has a fucked up sense of humor, and is a neurotic nut-case who overreacts to any and everything that happens in her life. I'm a complete mess but at the same time, I have my shit together (for now). I am way to sensitive for my own good and the good of anyone who is involved in my life. I swear a lot and have an uncanny way of wording things. I am also the dumbest brunette one would ever meet. Just yesterday I asked a co-worker if a cardboard box was recyclable. Yet at the exact same time I will reference things such as the First Battle of Saigon and an Amish teen's Rumspringa in everyday language. If I cannot put a label on myself or my personality, how the hell am I supposed to put one on a blog that is about my life?

Perhaps I am thinking way too much into this ...

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming... Yesterday Ice Crotch and I took Marathoner out for her birthday. We went to Arirang and afterwards I went over Marathoner's to keep her company as she packed up her room. Next month her and her husband are moving back to Pennsylvania, for good. It did not really hit me until seeing her pack her closet. We did not really see each other often because of conflicting schedules but now it is going to be even harder now that she is not living two blocks away. Of course I am sad about this but I do realize that it is the best for her and her family. i just feel like it is so sudden. I knew that it was a possibility but down the road, not in 5 weeks. I was fine yesterday but I know I probably am going to lose it as it comes closer and closer. She is one of those people that I know are always going to be in my life. She is not only my sorority sister but she is one of my very best friends. I was in her wedding and I know that she will be in mine. As we danced at her wedding, I told her that I would bring my kids up to visit her and her kids in PA. and I meant that. I really cannot say that many people in my life will be here forever, so when I do say it, you best believe I mean it.

So, tell me about one of those special people in your lives!

this used to be my playground

2010-08-06T12:21:00.004-04:00

So last night after work I drove to Brooklyn to meet up with S, my high school friend. I have not seen her since last August when we went on a double date with her boyfriend and Minute Man. It was so nice to see her and being at her house was just a throwback to my high school years. We went for dinner at this Turkish restaurant named Sahara and it was amazing. Definitely something different and I would so go back there. Then we went back to her house and watched Jersey Shore. After that we FaceBook stalked like pretty much everyone we used to hang out with lol. It was great to see her and reminisce about our best and worst moments. I actually logged into my old LiveJournal that I kept around that time. It was embarrassing lol, I was such a little brat. Apparently I also had yet to learn how to form a correct sentence, because my writing was terrible. Too bad GreatestJournal is no longer around because that would have been even more embarrassing to read. I definitely want to do a post about my unique high school experience. Maybe I will do it later since I am not going out tonight (work early tomorrow) and I now have a printer/scanner. I would do things so much differently in high school but I will definitely go more into that one later. It will be nice to have a relaxing night home, I can get to bed early and be nice and refreshed for work tomorrow.

One of my favorite memories (to look back on) with S and her sister M was one night when we went bowling with S, her then-boyfriend, M, and my first boyfriend (lets call him G). We walked back to G's house after bowling and waited for car service. I guess taking car service was like the big thing to do in Brooklyn when you weren't old enough to drive yet. The car service came and took me, M, and S back to their house. In front of us on 18th Ave there was a really drunk guy who kept swerving and after he had almost caused an accident with us twice, our driver started to honk at him. Unfortunately we were caught at a red light with drunkie. He got out of his car and proceeded to beat the dickens out of our driver, while we were in the back seat of the car. M was trying to call the police, S was trying to see the guy's plate numbers and I (like a retard) was trying to open the locked doors (that had no push button thingee) and get us out of there. Thank God the drunk guy got back into his car and drove away. All would have been fine but the car service driver started to chase after him, with three, screaming sixteen year old girls in the car with him telling him to stop. Finally, we made it back to their house, alive and the driver still had the nerve to charge us for the ride. While yes, that was terrifying at the time its one of those things that we laugh now as we look back. Just like the time when we ended up getting searched by the cops. A story that is great to look back on...

I will definitely make a post later with a story or two that actually were funny then and are now as well.

Does anyone else have a slight-brush-with-death story that they now look back on and giggle at?

and after all of this I still paint my nails like I did when I was five

2010-08-05T09:59:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I decided to paint my nails myself since the manicure that I had paid for had chipped within 24 hours. Much to my dismay, my fingers resembled an art project that I might have done back in Kindergarten. You know, the projects that were an utter disaster yet your mom still hung up on the fridge, beaming with pride? Except I am not beaming with pride right now, I still have polish on certain fingers but at least it is a lot less noticeable.

Many things have changed since I was 5, Chelsea Clinton was a little girl at her father's side during his campaign and now she's a married woman whose wedding was the hottest ticket in town, Zack Morris' cellphone was the hottest thing ever (Fuck that, HE was the hottest thing ever), and staying up later than 9PM was something that I would give anything to do. Of course I have definitely changed in more personal ways, I still had a father and a grandfather, was at a normal weight for my age, had un-pieced ears, and my biggest care in the world was if they were going to play man-hunt that night after dinner. I feel that I have done a lot of growing up in this past year, especially within the last few months. I finally figured out, at age 22, what I wanted to do with my life and now I am taking the steps to get there. I am trying to learn how to take the stick out of my ass (drinking helps with this, a lot) and just let loose and live life.

SO my blogging idol Carrie Bradshaw is Full of Shit (oh and by the way, she does not actually know that she is my idol. It's more like a secret admirer type of thing.. She should start expect anonymous flowers and notes soon) had declared this the Summer of Single for her, which basically helped me put a title on what is going on with my life right now. This is the first summer that I have been truly single. Truly meaning I have not had a boy to love/care about/cry over. Summer 2005 (I was 17) I was crying over my first ex. Summers 2006-2008 (18-20) were spent either in love with or crying over Tight Wad and summer 2009 (21) I dated Minute Man for its entirety. Summer 2010 (22), I have not had to deal with any bullshit that comes with having a man in my life and by George, it has been FABULOUS! A little boring, but fabulous.

While I am deliriously happy that I have been able to avoid clinging onto any guy I find for his attention, I am a little disappointed in myself. One would think that the theme song for this summer would be PROMISCUOUS GIRL but sadly, it has not. I think part of that has to do with having the stick up my ass. Well, at least something is up there but that's not what I would have imagined. A few weeks ago I started talking to this guy who shall be referred to as Jack of All Trades and basically we set it up to be a strictly sex thing. Sounds fun, right? Except we I have yet to plan a date for this. He is really good looking, just a tad older (like he probably watched Sesame Street when it first premiered) so mother would definitely not approve of him. Besides, I really don't want an older man. However, age does equal experience when a man is just that good looking so maybe I could be his little student? I mean if you want to start learning how to have casual sex (yes, that is something that I have to learn how to do), isn't it best to start off with a man who knows what he is doing? Who is to say that I will actually go through with this though? I'm surprised I actually went through with meeting the Security Guard.

Oh well, small steps I guess. Maybe learning how to be promiscuous is the next stage in growing up for me?

I wanna be a stenographer, so freakin' bad.

2010-08-04T09:09:00.002-04:00

I just checked my dashboard and wow, I have 30 followers? That's freakin' amazing! I feel like the little writer that could over here. Well, Willkommen! I hope you enjoy your stay!

I have a few things to look forward to in the near future -

Thursday: After work I am going over my high school friend's house. She's probably the only girl I graduated with that I am still friendly with. If you went to my high school (doesn't matter what year), you would understand this. She called me yesterday and we spent an hour or so catching up and made plans to have a Degrassi marathon. I spent many of my weekends at her house and we would watch the show religiously so it will definitely be a blast from the past.
Friday/Saturday: Not sure yet but I best be hanging out with Dora at least one day!
Monday: I GET MY NEW MACHINE!! Seriously I think you have to be a court reporting student to understand how major (fuck I need to stop watching Rachel Zoe) this is. I will definitely post pictures of my current loaner machine/new machine so you can get a visual. Also, I get the results back for the test that I am taking today so I'm sort of excited/nervous for that as well.

I will also be registering for classes next semester so I'm excited for that as well. (yes, shut up! I'm a fucking nerd!) It kind of sucks though, since I transferred in a lot of my credits I am done with all of my general requirements. Since I'm technically ahead, many of the classes that I need to take I cannot because they don't fit into schedule with the level I am in. The way that it looks, I can only take Medical and Legal terminology (two separate classes) and my steno class next semester. The school highly recommends that I do not take those classes together because they each require a lot of memorization. However, I am not only taking two classes next semester (recommended is three), that is just plain ridiculous. I'd rather take the difficult classes when I am still in the easier levels of steno that do not require me to practice at home for hours on end. Lets face it, if I am trying to build up my speed, I am not going to want to memorize medical terms for some class.

Sorry, that was a paragraph that not many (if any) of you will understand. Looks like I am going to have even less free time next term. OH what ever will the Security Guard do?! Speaking of which, I still have not heard from either boy and I am being completely honest when I say that I do not care. I am going to enjoy being single for as long as I can so bring on the drunken hookups/shameless behavior! Bring on those nights when you are freezing in bed and only have your pillow or pet to cuddle up to and those flowers that I will not be receiving on my birthday/Valentine's Day. I guess each side has their pros and cons but right now, this is what works best for me.

I'm thinking of doing a Way Back Wednesday post today! Please leave me any ideas of what to do it on! Thank you!

If you ever felt that I was normal, I am here to prove you wrong.

2010-08-03T08:50:00.002-04:00

Seriously! I feel that I am so wishy-washy right now when it comes to these two guys. Usually I am one of those girls who craves male attention, to the point that I receive an instant high from it. Right now, I have two guys who I am attractive to, that are interested in me. The needy psychopath inside of me is just beaming and jumping for joy but on the outside? I am calm and as cool as a cucumber. Maybe I am growing older? Being more selective? Not sure but I think this change might be for the better. Maybe I'll finally learn how to separate sex from emotions? That IS on my Knot List, along with dating two men simultaneously. Also, I just checked that list and with the purchase of the new MacBook (last time I mention this thing, I promise) I have doubled my credit card debt. Womp, womp.

I also feel that I may have valid reasons (other than just being a psychotic whore) to not have a high level of excitement over either guy. Electric Man for one has canceled twice 1/2 times on me already (I'll explain the 1/2 in one minute) for our first date/meetup and we've been talking for over a month already. There is just so much attraction/excitement that you can build over emails and texts and I think that we maxed that out within the first week of speaking. Long story short, it faded a little (on my end at least) but I feel that given these circumstances, it was natural. To think, I was excited about this one too! Now, the Security Guard did something last night that really put me off. We started talking sometime last week (I'd like to say Wednesday) and had our first date/meetup on Friday. All went well, said we would definitely do it again. I had fake plans this weekend because I felt that we were not at that level yet where I give up both of my weekend plans for you. Plus I did make tentative plans with Dora that ended up falling through so its not like I lied, I just twisted the truth a little. We texted more or less all day Saturday and all day Sunday and yesterday since I was busy I did not get to text him. I got home from school and went for mani/pedi/shopping/dinner/foolishness with Dora so when he ended up texting me at around 5 I did not get back to him until around 10 when I got home. We did the normal "Hey what's up?" and when I answered he simply stated "I feel like this is going nowhere." Now, of course I knew what he was referring to but I played a-loaf just for his sake, hoping that he really did not mean it. He feels that we are getting nowhere with this because I am busy or he's busy. Mind you, valid point, however... WE JUST MET ON FRIDAY. We met within three days. Its not like I pulled an Electric Man on him and had no time to speak to him/canceled three times already, I just did not text him back until five hours later. We had made tentative plans for Wednesday, which he then canceled because something with his friend needed him and ended with how he was going to be busy too next month when he started fire school. Ok, his point? Shit happens. Granted, I am a busy little bumble bee but I am probably one of the least busy people I know. So I explained that my life is going to be like this for a while, at least another two years and he never answered. Maybe he came to his senses and realized what a little needy bitch he was being?

Seriously, I am going to put on my ad Wanted: A man who has balls and is not a needy little bitch. See how much response I get from that one!

So over the weekend Electric Man and I had made tentative (and weather permitting) plans to go for a walk somewhere on the island. Dora had taken an impromptu sick day from work so we ended up going out. I have not seen her in almost a week so I was not holding out on my possible plans. I get a text from him at around 7 from him canceling again because he had to do something for work. He only gets a 1/2 though because technically I canceled first. He then explained that I caught him at the worst time and how his life is really hectic right now so I simply said to just let me know when it calms down a bit. See, I'm not crazy like the Security Guard, I cannot even imagine what he would have done in my shoes.

I just don't get how normally I would kill for this male attention, to the point of dropping our things (and people) to make plans with guys and do anything in the world to make sure they don't lose interest, which is really counter-productive when you think about it. I just feel like I don't know what I want anymore and that alone is something that is making me crazy.

So I guess my search continues...

bitches love my new MacBook, if they don't, fuckin' skanks

2010-08-02T08:48:00.003-04:00

So I went and did something that is a little irresponsible, I purchased the MacBook. I needed a little help from my mother but now I finally have one! This is almost two and a half years in the making so this is a pretty big deal for me. Regrets? None whatsoever. Just ones from my unreliable internet connection. Overall, I am absolutely in love with this machine. It was so easy to set up and is very user friendly. It also came with a free ipod touch (which became my mother's birthday gift) and a printer (which they did not have in stock so I am buying at a later date). As a result of the shitty internet connection it took a while to set up her ipod but we finally were able to do it and now she is very happy and has one album already on it. Yeah, she gives me a lot of shit and is a royal pain in my ass but it was great to see her so happy. Now I want an ipod touch! I'll wait though to either Christmas or my birthday. I've seriously never been so happy to be in credit card debt though. I went ahead and purchased iWorks (which is compatible with the MS Office), a pink case (of course), some iTunes gift cards and a three year protection plan. I almost purchased the Sims 3 but decided not to. I cannot get obsessed with that game again! Between that and blogging I will never practice my machine again. I think I am officially a Mac now ... :)

In other news, things are going well with both men lol. This is so out of character for me! AH, another idea for the eHarmony guided communication question. I wonder if this one will scare him off? I have semi-concrete plans to meet up with both of them during the week. I guess I am just going to keep it casual for now and then change it when feelings do (or don't) develop. Oh hayyy, I think I might be crossing something else off of my Knot List.

Happy August! What does this mean? My birthday, end of the semester and FALL are almost here :)

Date with the security guard - follow me young grasshopper.

2010-07-31T23:40:00.002-04:00

So last night was my first date with the Security Guard. I worked until 8 and we agreed to meet at Chili's at 9:30 for dinner and drinks. I had a hard day at work so I was dying for some margaritas. I was slightly nervous when I got there but I definitely felt more comfortable when I saw him. He is definitely my type physically. He's a clean cut, Jersey boy. This was his first time in Staten Island which blew my mind. I've been to Jersey many times, hell I even dated someone who lived there for three years, how has he never ventured across that bridge? The conversation flowed well throughout dinner with no awkward silence. Since I had work early this morning, we did not go out after dinner. Instead we sat in his car, listened to mixes that he made (he's a DJ sometimes, for funsies I guess) and then made out for a little.

I don't know what it was about him, he's only a little over a year younger than me but I just feel so much older than he is. Maybe we are in different places in life and have had different experiences? Not sure but that is where the title of this entry comes from. Honestly it is nothing against him but I just don't feel like a relationship is going to come from this. This is so unlike me, I am usually the girl who would kill to be in a relationship with a guy after just one date. I guess I am growing up? He is a really nice guy, goodlooking and a great kisser, I might definitely keep him around but casually just to see if it goes anywhere. I'm 22 and single, why not have all the fun I can have while I still got it?

Tomorrow is Ice Crotch's birthday. Yes, I call my mother Ice Crotch. I swear though, it is all out of love. I am actually not giving her a gift tomorrow because in a few weeks I am going to finally buy myself a macbook! The special for students (yay for being a super-duper senior!) is that you buy and macbook and get an ipod touch for free. Since my mother has been dying for an ipod touch and I've been dying for a macbook, this is perfect. While this purchase will not put me in a hole per se, it definitely is not a financially responsible move. The zero interest for the first year on the card is a definite incentive though so I'm gonna to save up for a few more weeks and then put the remaining balance on that card. I have wanted a white macbook for two years now. It is a beautiful machine and I truly cannot wait to have one to call my own.

So Electric Man and I were talking earlier and we decided that one day during the week (since tomorow night it will be thunderstorming) we are going to finally meet and either go for a walk on the boardwalk or at Ft Wadsworth because it is right under the bridge and is beautiful at night. Not sure which day yet, that all depends on the whether and our schedules. While I'm still excited to finally meet this man, some of it has faded since what it was. That's only expected though, considering we've been talking for nearly a month and have still not met.

We shall wait and see ...

Oh sweet, sweet, morning off…

2010-07-30T11:05:00.003-04:00

Since I have come to the conclusion that I must not be worthy of a full day off, I am trying to enjoy my six hours off that I am lucky enough to have every Friday morning. This morning was great, I woke up around 9AM and actually had a filling, healthy breakfast for once. All was well until I had to waste an hour of my morning off on the phone with Time Warner Cable. Frankly, I am sick of it. My internet connection is so unreliable and the truth is, I had constant internet access only when I stole it off of one of my neighbors. Either they figured me out or their box is off because I have not been able to find it in a few weeks.

So tonight I have my first date with the Security Guard and I am actually kind of nervous. I don't know what kind of nervous I am but I just know that I am un-easy about something. I've never done this before. I mean I've met men from the internet before (Tight Wad) but this was after a full week of talking and I went with Dora to meet him (I was 18 at the time). This just all feels very, sudden to me. I guess this is how online dating works though? I don't know...

Has anyone had an experience with an online dating site and meeting people off them? If so, kindly comment with some advice/inspiration. My email goes to my phone so I will definitely be able to read your comments. Thank you!!

PS - Instead of offering to come into work early today, I am actually going to the gym. Who am I? Seriously!

I got you all figured out, you need everyone's eyes just to feel seen.

2010-07-29T10:01:00.004-04:00

So since things with Electric Man are kind of at a stand still (we are still talking regularly but nothing has been mentioned about rescheduling our date), I've decided to take eharmony more seriously. After all, I am paying for it. I started talking to this guy who will be referred to simply as The Security Guard yesterday and our exchange quickly switched the regular e-mail. He is a little over a year younger than me but is physically my type and so far it seems that personality-wise he is as well. We are actually looking to possibly meet up this weekend. Considering I have yet to meet ANY of these men in person, this is really bold for me. I have decided to stop being such a pansy and just go for it because again, I PAID for these services that have been rendered but am not taking advantage of. There is absolutely nothing that I can lose from this, only gain.

Another match from eharmony that I have that seems promising is at a bit of a standstill for a moment because for the life of me I cannot answer one of his open-ended questions. The question asked If I could do something completely out of character and remain anonymous, what would it be? Normally, you would think that this would be an easy question for me to answer since I am somewhat of a tight-ass and a lot of things are out of character for me. This is true, however none of those things are actions that I would like to remain anonymous for. One of the things that I immediately thought of was to have a one night stand. I am one of those people that put the pussy on a pedestal, my pussy that is, so a one night stand is definitely out of character for me. I would not mind if I was anonymous for this act however I feel that my match would kind of be weirded out by this answer so, no bueno. Another possible response I thought of was to be carefree and relaxed. I was all for that until I realized that I would not want to remain anonymous for that. I would want to shout it out to WHOMEVER it may concern that I am no longer a neurotic whack-a-doodle. Another possibility would be to say that I would love to be more confident and allow people to see the REAL ME. Yes, definitely out of character but impossible to remain anonymous for, it would almost defeat the purpose.

Le sigh, I just hope he does not become impatient and close the match because I haven't responded yet. Fuck you eharmony, bad enough you have to give us "guided communication", as if we are too inept to freely speak to our matches, but you had to go make the questions difficult. Don't you realize what type of crazy might be using your services?!

In better news, I seem to be kicking ass at both school AND work. We received our midterm grades today and my grades are 3 A's and 1 B, making my GPA (as of right now) a 3.79. I have actually done better in school before but hopefully that will be good enough to make the Dean's List (a goal on my Day Zero Project). If not, I will just have to raise that B to an A which is very possible considering the B is in a class that I failed the first test for. At work yesterday one of the girls I work with over-heard the Head Teller saying that I no longer have differences and that I am getting good. That felt SO good to hear! Let's just hope that she did not jinx me and I end up with a difference tonight! I'm excited, I've never ruled at work and school simultaneously so I hope I can keep this up!

Now, if I can just rule the dating scene as well, I will be all set!

In desperate need of a mental health day here

2010-07-26T19:32:00.000-04:00

I have actually taken two mental health days from school very recently, both by complete accident. I'm not at my limit for absences but I am also not too far as well so I definitely need to keep that in check. However, both of those "mental health days" were days that I had work as well, so I really did not have a full day off. Right now, that is what I need more than anything, a full day off where I don't have school or work. I really don't know what I would do with myself. I would probably wake up earlier since my body is somewhat used to it, go to the gym and then the pool when I get home. I have only been in a pool once this summer and have yet to lay out in the sun. I am so pale, you would not think that this was the end of July. Speaking of which, this means that we are a mere six weeks away from fall/my birthday/end of the semester! I never thought I would be wishing the summer away but I need something.

So I finally found a way to manage my credit card debt. Granted, its only a minor amount of debt (thank GOD for that!), I was still having trouble finding a way to pay it all off in a timely fashion and not be flat broke. I applied for major credit card and was approved with a high enough limit to transfer all of my balances over to it. Also, for a year I have no interest on balance transfers! I seriously feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders, I now have a way to pay off all of this debt and I can still have money in my pocket so I don't end up charging back up the cards that I paid off. I think to also cut back on costs instead of getting a $25 gel manicure (that still chips because of work) AND a pedicure every two weeks, I could learn how to paint my own nails and save $50 a month.

I hope to accomplish some of the money saving tasks I have on my Day Zero Project by the end of this year!

How do you manage to save money?

i feel pretty, oh so pretty

2010-07-20T21:54:00.000-04:00

So I took a little extra time to really do my makeup nice this morning. Actually, scratch that, I did my makeup the same excessive way I do every day but this morning I did something different, I put lipgloss on. WHO KNEW that something as simple as putting lipgloss on could boast one's confidence at least 10%?! I wear the same full face of makeup day in and day out and never leave the house without feeling pretty, yet all it takes it some pink goop on my lips and VIOLA! I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

OH I FEEL PRETTY and WITTY AND BRIGHT! AND I PITY...

OK, back to the post.

Last night Electric Man cancelled on me, again for work-related purposes. Now honestly, I don't blame him because I would have done the same thing but at the same time, how many times does he think this is going to fly? I mean the poor thing has already used up two of his three strikes and I have not even met him yet. Last night Dora definitely brought up some valid points for this, that maybe he is nervous/weary about this because he did not go on the website to look for a girl, he just happened to stumble across my ad. I totally respect that and all but let's face fact here, I am fucking amazing. Somewhat insane but still, amazing. It really would be his loss if he chooses to not pursue anything or see where it could go.

Let me just come off my high horse a little...

I so got to thinking at that particular ad that I posted that he responded to. It was almost a joke ad, poking fun at the Ricky Retardos that had answered my two previous ads. I did not expect any feedback except negative, which I did receive some of. I totally used my fucked up sense of humor and almost accidentally, displayed my personality in this ad and ended up getting a response from someone who appreciates it, which is exactly what I need. A recent post by Carrie Bradshaw is full of shit definitely got me thinking that if I were to write my ad on eharmony in this style, what would it say? I might include how messed up/offensive my sense of humor can get, that I love to tell stories and will never shut up, and how up until very recently I thought that Mexico was its own little entity, surrounded by water. I need a man who will enjoy my sense of humor and appreciate the quirks that I have.

I know I will find this man (or he will find me) eventually but its just annoying when something seems like it would go well and then it just does not happen. That is life though and I have a lot to be grateful for if this is my only issue right now.

Dog days of summer...

2010-07-19T09:07:00.000-04:00

So New York City is in the middle of yet another heat wave. Normally by this time of the year, I would have a beautiful cinnamon tan and my hair would even be half a shade later. No, not this summer. If I am not at school from Mon-Thurs all day, I am at work Fri-Sun all day. It leaves me zero time to tan/relax and I have yet to go to the beach this year. One thing that I am thankful for I guess is that I work my weekends away in an air conditioned bank so when customers come in all hot and bothered, I am most likely chilled at room temperature, enjoying myself.

I am going to go ahead and blame my lack of posting on my hectic schedule and the heat. I think of great ideas for posts but I usually cannot find the time to post them. Even when I have an extra half hour to spare, I sometimes cannot find a way to start the post and get my idea across. I promise you, this will go back to normal, just like the weather. We are not even in August yet and I am already sick of this! Last summer, I would have given everything I had to make it last longer. This year? I am just counting down the days until my birthday, which also happens to be the last day of my semester. Its not like I get a break between semesters, just that one weekend but still, it will feel amazing to be done with atleast some of this program. I can't wait for the fall colors to come back in, to be able to wear my uggs again and to sip pumpkin spice lattes. Also, to celebrate my 23rd birthday. I've yet to actually celebrate my birthday like I should but I don't think I can this year, funds are still extremely low.

Speaking of low funds, Marathoner's birthday is coming up next month and she finally figured out what she wanted to do. She wants everyone to go to this casino in Bethlehem, PA. Not bad, its probably cheaper than AC. I was thinking that I would drive out there after work on Saturday (the day of) and just take off the Sunday to stay over and drive back. So that way, I would only miss one day of my weekend, where the bulk of my paycheck comes from. I found out last night that she is spending the DAY at the casino. I don't mean to sound selfish and all, I know she is one of my best friends and she IS moving back to PA this fall (more on that one later) but I simply cannot afford to take a Saturday off.

Tonight is my first date with Electric Man. It was supposed to be on Saturday but he got called in to work so tonight it is. Wish my luck, lets hope I don't fuck this one up!

its been one week since you looked at me

2010-07-13T08:31:00.003-04:00

and also one week since I've written a post! I do apoloize, it was my summer break and I was being extremely lazy. Now that my summer vacation is over and I am back to school, I will probably be back to updating ad nauseum. You have been warned.

My, my, where have I left off? Oh yes, my new dating adventure. Stay tuned for a post about some poor soul that I appear to have offended, it should be hilarious and more importantly touches on an issue very near and dear to my heart, a future HEFFER PRIDE PARADE. More about that in my next post though.

So, I believe I have met someone normal! I know, I am shocked as well. On Wednesday or Tuesday a man that I will now refer to as Electric Man (serious, SERIOUS brownie points for those who picked up on the Family Guy reference) emailed me and we have been talking ever since. We seem to have a lot in common, especially with our personalities and how much we both love to talk and tell stories, so it seems like it will go well. I am still extremely skeptical, especially because of where I met him off of. As a result of this, I am no longer posting ads on that site. I no longer have time for the level of crazy that responds and also, I feel the Electric Man will probably be the most normal guy I meet off of there so I am just going to quit while I am ahead. Oh, and Jesus Christ the mother fucker COOKS! I have never met a man who can cook before!? Oh dear, definitely only a matter of time before I fuck this one up! We are most likely going out for drinks on either Friday or Saturday night. Even though I feel mildy comfortable and he agreed (without any argument) to meet up on Staten Island so I'm comfortable, I am still notifying Dora of my whereabouts on an hourly basis. I am sure serial killers usually make their victims feel comfortable as well, before they slice their throats open.

The only thing that really concerns me about Electric Man is how smart he is. This was one of the things that first attracted him to me, how smart I sounded in emails but emails are very different from texting. I take the time to carefully craft what I am going to say and how I am going to say it. Texting? I just let whatever shit to come out of my mouth flow. Speaking of shit that comes out of my mouth. Dora made a post about that very thing here. (Follow her btw, maybe then she'll post more) Granted those are only a few examples but you could definitely tell that I'm a winner. I am afraid that he's going to realize this and instead of appreciating it as part of my charm, turn around and have the biggest WTF moment known to man.

How this will all pan out? I guess we just have to wait and see...

i've officially become a creeper magnet

2010-07-06T15:03:00.001-04:00

So sorry, I definitely did not neglect this blog. I just had a lovely holiday weekend which included work for 95% of it. I'm not really complaining though, for the first time in a very long time I can honestly say that I love my job. I love the people I work with and the fact that on the fourth of July when it was absolutely dead, we played mad libs and these kids games that we found off of the bank's website. I also got to work with a superviser that I normally don't and ended up bonding a little. I just find it a little odd that a bank was open on a federal holiday. Usually banks are one of the businesses that are closed on those days.

So the new dating adventure is going OK, I guess. I don't know, I guess I am really just not into it anymore. I am the type of girl that loves male attention but honestly that is not really phasing me anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I guess I really have hit that point where I don't care if I am with someone or not. I just hope that if I meet a guy that I am really interested in and like, that this all changes.

The guys that I am talking to; if they are not in their 40s they are divorced w/ kids, only want sex, or are SUPER SUPER CLINGY. To make it even worse, they are being clingy only after talking on BBM for like an hour. Then BBMing me over and over again if I do not answer right away. I've been trying to delete the weirdos right away when the cuckoo clock starts to chime, however the BBM icon is starting to appear as if those convos were still up and they were still talking. Back to the clinginess though, I just don't get it. I think I've mentiond this in other entries but what gives with guys being this clingy? It is SUCH a double standard because God forbid a girl was to act like this, she would be a complete psycho. I have had guys get turned off by my really wanting something to work after a few months yet I have some freakazoid saying that same thing after only BBMing me for an hour, without meeting me or anything.

One of the things that I really want to learn how to do is seperate sex from emotions. In fact it is item on both my 101 in 1001 and Knot List projects. This new dating adventure and me totally not caring would definitely help me accomplish this. Its just that I am ~~a little~~ EXTREMELY cautious to meet men off of the internet. For those of you that have met guys this way, how did you go about doing it? What did you make sure of beforehand? Please give me any advice you have, thank you!

new dating adventure, wherein I end up on the six o'clock news

2010-07-02T10:43:00.004-04:00

So due to Dora's recent success, I decided to try another method of meeting guys. I will not admit what site it is, I'm still trying to get used to the concept but its one where many freaks hide out. I'm just being very cautious but honestly, so far so good. A LOT better than eharmony, especially since its free. Biggest mistake of my life was paying for that site. Lesson learned though.

I started talking to this gorgeous man who is WAY out of my league last night. Actually, I shouldn't say that because I once felt that Tight Wad was out of my league and clearly he wasn't. The whole time I just kept thinking to myself "Too good to be true, too good to be true". Then he started repeatedly asking for me to try and sneak out or to call him (I live with my mom, this was at 3AM) after I said no. Is this how 30 year old men act? Is this the norm and maybe I'm not used to it because I'm still in my early twenties? It just gives me the willies (yes, I did just say that) especially considering where I met him. He gave me his word that he's not a creep but let's be real, his word is going to mean shit when the K-9 squad has to dig up my body in Clove Lakes Park. While he's my type to a T, he is just moving way too fast for my comfort level.

Oh, you are probably what exactly possessed me to join this site? I came to the conclusion last night that I am like a dog in heat. Its bad. Like I never really complain about not "getting any" and I think a lot of my reason for it is because I'm not open to just a random encounter but, its getting bad. Right now I am at the longest point I have gone, I was at this point last year but I was dating Minute Man so I knew that relief was on its way. I did not anticipate that relief being for less than two minutes but, shit happens. Still I am not just looking for a fun night. I'm looking for a guy that I could be excited about again, that I could feel that connection with, that I could want to kiss and just have that attraction to.

All eharmony has bought me are complete dudes and I'm getting tired of it.

challenge wednesdays

2010-06-30T23:51:00.001-04:00

So I've really been enjoying my mini summer vacation so far and I really wish it was for longer than two weeks but oh well, what can you do? Since I am having trouble accomplishing things that I need to (I am being VERY lazy), I have decided to make it thise week's challenge.

Clean my room and put all new clothes away.
Organize shoes in closet.
Practice for one hour a day.
~~Do all of my laundry.~~
Go to the beach at least once.
Go to the gym at least three days a week.
~~Go on a shopping spree.~~
Sleep in until three and go out and drink that night.
Hang out with friends I am normally not able to see.
Go down to the shore.
~~Balance my checkbook/finances.~~
Clean out my school bag and organize it.
Do not drink soda for one week.

That is all that I could think of for now, it is a short break after all.

Oh and I failed miserably at last week's challenge of not drinking soda so I added it to the end of the list.

Also, I received another award from the lovely One Blonde Girl. So to add to my list, make the three entries for the awards!

no, you can't make him take you out to dinner because you wanna wear your new outfit

2010-06-29T17:17:00.005-04:00

So yesterday Dora and I went on quite the successful shopping trip. We went to Kohl's and I finally got a decent green work shirt for Friday's and some really cute sandals. Then we decided to hit up Woodbridge Mall and I went nuts in Macy's and Lane Bryant. I did really well, I got three cute outfits and four pairs of shoes in all. Then we went for lunch at Jose Tejas which was absolutely amazing. Great food and it is SO cheap! Best margaritas EVER btw :)

This is one of my favorite new outfits -

(just pretend that those shoes are brown, I could not find a pic of them)

I really wanted to wear this last night. If you recall, I was meeting bachelor #2 at starbucks. As you see, that outfit is WAY too much for just going out for coffee so I could not wear it :(

By the way, it went well. We had good conversation and it was not awkward, except for when we were saying goodnight. He's really shy and we were just like "ok, goodnight!" and yeah. Awwwwkkkkkwaard. I mean, we ended up closing Starbucks so that can't be too bad, right? I'm really not looking for anything so it will be no big deal if this does not go anywhere.

Looking for new followers?

2010-06-28T15:52:00.003-04:00

Join the fun of Mingle Monday at Life of Meg! I've been doing it for the last three weeks and was able to read MANY new interesting blogs from it :)