She ain't got a man, but she's not alone

I figured this title was fitting because all of my doodling in school has consisted of either this or "Me, Myself and I". I guess doodling is limited for us single gals?

School has been going really well and I've managed to stay on top of all my assignments. This weekend is my half-sister's suprise 50th birthday party so I have to drive out to the Poconos early Sunday morning and as a result will not be going out Saturday night. Or if I do, it will be very lowkey. I will take that opportunity to do all the work I have due for next week and to get a nice, good night sleep. I have not seen them since the summer and things were a lot different then (mainly because Minute Man was in my life and it really seemed to be going somewhere) so I hope that we don't really focus on "catching up".

In that news, I still have not spoken to him and its been like a month. If he's not going to make any effort to be friends with me then I will not make any effort as well. I heard he is finally closing on his house on Monday so good luck to him if he is.

In much, much better news - I GOT A CALL BACK FROM THE BANK!! I interviewed today and I believe it went really well. Only problem might be my availablity (my class hours and the banks hours have left me available only 4 hours on two days) but the guy who interviewed me was in contact with the branch manager and will let me know by Monday if he needs me in his schedule! I'm so excited yet so, so nervous. I have never needed/wanted a job this badly before! I'm serious when I say my life will improve ten-fold. AH, well enough about that because I seriously do not want to jinx this. I have been looking in the paper everyday and it seems like the available jobs I qualify for are getting less and less each day so that's rather depressing.

I've decided to start doing weight watchers core again. Its the only thing that has really worked for me in the past and I find it the easiest to stick to. If I get this job I am going to be extremely busy so I probably would not have time for much else.

Well - those are my updates as of recently! Nothing really exciting, mainly because I am broke and can't go anywhere but hopefully this will be changing very soon!

Don't you think I know exactly where I stand, this world is forcing me to hold your hand

Sorry I have not posted in almost a week, I just got really busy with school.

With school began unnecessary drama associated with my online Intro to Statistics course. I only took this course because I was desperate to finish my math requirement and there was no physical section offered on my campus for this semester. After three days of pulling my hair out I transferred out of that class and into a 7:30AM Business Writing course, which will complete my english requirements. So on Tuesday&Thursday I will be waking up between 5:15-5:30 and will be in class straight through from 7:30-12:30. Oh boy, this should be fun! One of my sorority sister's is in it so I guess that will be my sanity. I emailed the professor right after I registered for it (Friday morning) because I had missed the first class and she has yet to get back to me. What kind of professor does not check their school email account? I would be such a good professor lol, I always check my email and I always organize a good syllabus/course schedule. I have three hospitality courses this semester and I love them all - especially Event Management! I think I will have a lot of fun with it and the term project is planning an event. I love the professors I have for those courses too which is good since I will problem have them a few times over these next two years. Speaking of professors, my philosophy professor is amazing. On the first day of class he told the guys that if they were able to "go jerk off in the bathroom" then they could take notes for his class. I think this one will be interesting.

I beyond fell off the bandwagon with eating right. Between having no time to think with school and my mom, not being a mommy and going grocery shopping (or going but not getting things I want/need and bringing home an Entenman's cake) I have not had much to eat and go out to eat for the convienence. This is going to require a lot of hardwork and dedication on my end and I really need to work on it. Between this, school and hopefully work I seriously won't have much time to do other things in life but that's good because I want to keep busy. I also want to work on my insecurity issues too because no 22 year old should be insecure, especially if it affects their life.

I have to cut this one short as well because I have a sorority meeting at 8. No longer manadatory for me but I just like to go and see what's going on. I will definitely try to make another post this week and actually go in depth into what I have to say.

a basket case in the city...

After much needed conversing with Dora the Exploror (who rightfully earned her PhD in psychology tonight) I have come to the conclusion that I am, a basket case. Also that I think WAY too much about things that no longer have a baring on my life. I think the main problem is that I am just bored with it all, which goes back to the point that I am unemployed and really do not have the means to have that much of a life. Hopefully this is going to change very soon. Also, I hope that once school starts I am able to stop focusing on this shit (because really that's all it is, shit) and focus on my classes. I can't believe in 34 hours I will be in Philosophy class. That thought is just truly depressing.

I did A LOT today. My bedroom is immaculate and I played Clean House in my room, organizing everything. Between this, 4 loads of laundry and really trying to sort my brain out I am both physically and mentally exhausted so I'm going to just call it a night. I will definitely go into this more with tomorrow's post.

So where do you work? At a funeral home

Now no offense to anyone who works at a funeral home, it just sounds kind of morbid. I was reading the classified ads today and the only one that interested me in terms of the hours and experience level was a receptionist for a funeral home. Its PT, Mon and Fri 5-10PM and Sunday 5-9PM. Only 14 hours but still those 14 hours work well into my school schedule. I went to Staples and faxed over my resume asap. I did a little stalker work with the help of my BFF google and found out that the funeral home is down the block from my house. Can we say perfect? Fingers crossed that I get this job! Its really needed :(

In other news today makes it one year since we've had Tammy!! She has come a very long way since we adopted her. We trained her to go potty outside, to SIT for a treat and she is much more relaxed around people then she used to be. She is still a nervous nelly but it is getting a lot better. As a special little treat we got her these dog cookies from a bakery so she could "celebrate".

OMG do I really go back to school this week? I'm truly going to take advantage of these next two days. Tomorrow I am going to clean my room, do my laundry and get some sushi with a girl who is planning to rush my sorority this semester. Hopefully I'll do something tomorrow night since it is my last night of freedom. Tuesday I'm going to get my car washed (weather permitted), new tires and windshield wipers and probably cook for the week. It is also one of my sorority sister's 21st birthday so I'm going to stop by Rhythem and Brews for a little and celebrate with her. Then Wednesday is the first day of classes :( Unfortunately Ice Crotch is going to be home all this week and already she is starting to annoy me... Great, can't wait!

Here are some pictures of my baby girl -


Me Giving her a cookie


I guess they taste pretty good!

Just another Beth Mackenzie...

The title of this post is from a song, kudos to anyone who knows the name of it.

As I am spending quite the lonely Saturday in I got to thinking... I care way too much about what people think of me. I don't know why I do this nor can I help it but its really annoying. I wish I could just do things and maybe truly be myself without worrying if someone will disprove of it and not accept it. I wish I had a FUCK IT attitude but unfortunately I don't. I'm weird though, like I care what people think but you almost would not know that upon meeting me. I am quite the outgoing person and I can make friends in any social situation but its when you want to get to know me, that I get scared. I know that true friendships and true love are only possible when someone knows the real you so why am I afraid of this. I'm not overly obnoxious but I'm not one of those "universally liked" people, you know that person who everyone loves and always wants to be around. I guess because I'm not like that, I'm scared. How do people get to be like that, so loved? Am I not nice enough, smart enough or pretty enough for that? Maybe this is actually a weight issue that I am in denial of? I hope to hell its not that. This past year I overcame a lot of issues that I used to have about my weight. In the summer I wore sleeveless shirts and went to the beach in the first time in years because I realized that it is what it is. Obviously people know I am not a small girl so what my arms look like and how I look in a bathing suit is really nothing different/fascinating to them. See, baby steps! That is sort of progress towards not caring what others think, right?

Things with Minute Man started off great, I was able to show my personality and be my true retarded self around him. Then something I did annoyed him (I tease - that's my way of flirting and I teased him about him not bowling so well in his league one week and that was too much for his liking) and it made me hold back a lot of my personality and become very insecure. Also, I talk a lot.. Anyone who knows me knows this and since he already had gotten on me about things like the teasing I took it to heart when he would make comments on my talking. I know that he is only one guy and that I have had others in the past who were interested in me and loved my personality but I still managed to let it effect me and I think that's the reason why I'm upset about the situation, because my personality ruined it. (well not all of it, he had a major role in why we didn't work but I'm sure it had some effect)

There are certain inalienable truths in life, one is that people are going to judge you. I am an extremely judgemental person and I know that people judge me in return, but why do I care then? Everyone judges others but why do I care what people think? Speaking of judging last night I went out with Marathoner and Dora the Explorer. The three of us split three pitchers of sangria and sat at a table for 3-4 hours people watching. There were a lot of interesting characters in that bar and some amazing sangria. However, Burrito Bar is definitely not the place to meet any guys, that is for damn sure.

How lovely! Almost an entire post dedicated to my insecurities. Hopefully one day I will learn to move on from them. Until then, Beth Mackenzie is still looking for her Seth Shapiro...

Don't be a little bitch with your chit-chat, just show me where your dicks at

So today was another lazy day. Whoops, I fail at life. I started to get into the habit of watching the back to back episodes of cold case which is good because I will be home from school by the time they are on anyway. I'm going to miss being lazy but I definitely need something to do with my life and to keep myself busy. I still think about Minute Man every now and then, wondering if I will ever hear from him again. I definitely will not count on it but if its meant to be, he'll miss me. I think that I think so much because I truly do not have anything else to do. I have yet another flat tire, wonderful. My car is really starting to die now so hopefully I will have my mom's car sooner than later. I know she is letting me take it up to the Poconos at the end of the month so at least I won't have to worry about getting stuck down there.

So tonight should be fun! I'm going to Burrito Bar with Marathoner and Dora the Explorer. We just ate some yummy L&B and now I have to get ready. Have a good night everyone!

Future Betty motherfuckin' Crocker?

So the last few days I have been doing a lot of cooking and baking and I never realized how much I really enjoy doing so. I'm starting to build my recipe book, taking recipes from family members and other websites so that I could learn how to cook really well. Who knows, maybe this could be something. Instead of concentrating in the events aspect of the hospitality industry maybe I am meant to be in culinary? OR I could do catering which is a combination of both. I have a few things that I would like to do with event management, one would be to either intern or get a job as an event planner for the Waldorf Astoria. I was fortunate enough to receive a free ticket to the President's Dinner at school and it was held there (ticket was worth $750) and going there was just AMAZING!! I took so many pictures and was just truly in awe, it was an amazing night and I will never forget it. That is sort of my dream job but what I have that is more of a realistic goal is to work for a catering company and one day to own my own. It is either this route or corporate events, I like both of them so whatever the outcome I will be happy.

I somehow managed to mess up my sleeping schedule again and class starts on Wednesday so I must fix it. I also have a lot to do tomorrow (food shopping, clean my room, laundry, eyebrows and get a mani) so I have to be up early.

Also - check out my recipe blog here because I have been updating it left and right with things I have been making lately. Enjoy!

G.T.L. baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry.

Today was the first lazy day I have had since the new year. Even though I had gone to bed early and woke up by 8 I decided to just lay in bed for 6 more hours and do absolutely nothing. Yes, this day was a complete waste but I feel that I needed it since I will be going back to school in less than a week. I managed to cook though, dinner for myself and then bake red velvet cupcakes for myself and Marathoner since she stopped by to "catch up". For the recipes for the cupcakes and everything else I made today check out my cooking blog here.

One MAJOR downside to my lazy day is that it is now 4AM and I have to be up and take my car to my uncle (he's a mechanic) for an oil change by 9. Then I am having breakfast with one of my sorority sisters and then getting my eyebrows done. Since Dora the Explorer and I really need to save money I will be serving a three course (guilt-free) meal for us! Same as going out to dinner, just a fraction of the calories and um... FREE!

So here we are, January 14... Just a month away from good old Valentine's Day. I don't care if it is a played-out, commerical "holiday" - I am a true little romantic and absolutely love this day. I just hate not having a valentine and seeing everyone else so happy. Maybe this will change? I mean hey, my cousin did not know she would have a valentine last year until she met her now-boyfriend less than two weeks before. I guess we will just have to see what happens and if not, Tammy will be my valentine again this year! Last year I even took her to the groomers to have her nails painted pink so she looked the part. Its amazing how this poor dog has not run away from me yet!

The Knot List

I started this list over a year ago after my breakup as a way to become excited about being newly single. I always meant to post it on LJ but I had forgotten all about it, until today when I found it while cleaning my desk.

The KNOT List: Things to do before I tie the knot

1) Graduate from college and get my masters degree.
2) Lose all of the weight that I need to/want to
3) Get all of the plastic surgery I need to have after I use the weight. (boob job included)
4) Pay off all of my credit card debt (only about $1500) and most (if not all) of my student loans (will be close to $100,000)
5) Be established in my career and love to go to work everyday
6) Lease a brand new car and get over my fear of driving
7) Travel EVERYWHERE
8) Go on a cruise
9) Go to Vegas
10) Go to NOLA for Mardi Gras
11) Celebrate my birthday as lavishly as I can
12) Move out and live on my own
13) Casually date at least two men simultaneously.
14) Run the NYC marathon
15) Date a man with a shitload of money and allow him to spoil me
16) Go to LA and stalk celebrities
17) Buy myself a very expensive piece of jewerly/pair of shoes
18) Have at least one photo album for every month of my life.
19) Become completely self-sufficent
20) Figure out how to disconnect sex from emotions
21) Learn Italian
22) Take a cooking class
23) Learn how to sew
24) Make a scrapbook for each major stage in my life (eg - HS, sorority years)
25) NEVER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN BUTTERFLIES

Eyeliner and cigarettes

One thing you'll start to notice is that a majority of my blog titles will be Lady Gaga-related. I am obsessed with Lady Gaga, she is the next Madonna. She will creep you out but she could do no wrong. I think people are frightened by her because there are not many TRUE artists out there, like her. Just my personal opinion...

Dora the Explorer and I went shopping and then to dinner and we had quite the interesting conversation. Dora and I are opposites in many ways, especially when it comes to sex and matters of the heart. You see, Dora has the ability to "have sex like a man" and seperate all feelings and emotional attachment from it. I, on the other hand, do not. I am still building my list of things to accomplish and this is one of them. One thing I am scared of is just doing this but then becoming attached to a guy who wants nothing more than a casual thing. I am also afraid of it actually being good and me being SO excited about it that I post-coitally profess my love to him, scarring myself and chosen partner for life. Refer down a few posts to get what I mean by "actually being good". Its sad but my dog has probably have better sex than I have. I say this because before we adopted her she was a puppy mill dog used for breeding. I hope to make it my year for this and one of the things I am going to do (Dora suggested this) is to make a risk of rules and limitations for when I do have casual sex and I cannot bend these rules for ANY men, because well he does not matter. I feel bad, almost as if I will be using them but maybe this is just what I need. Maybe I'll learn valuable things about relationships, like when to walk away for example. That has always been a hard thing for me. I guess we shall just stay tuned and see what happens... BTW, still have not heard from Minute Man at all this year. Just saying.

I must say, Ice Crotch (my mom, don't ask.. she's had this nickname for like three years now) is really starting to get on my nerves. It is just the little things but still they are testing my patience, which there is not a lot of to begin with. For example I like to cook recipes off of hungry girl so we do food shopping according to these recipes. I like to have a few of them prepared in advance because they are very tedious. IC usually does this for me and I asked her on Saturday to prepare two for me this week. Do you think she did? No. When I go out to eat with friends she then complains that she has nothing to eat... um, cook for yourself? Thanks. She is completely able-bodied and capable of doing this on her own, yet she does not. She does work during the week but her work consists of sitting in her chair all day, on facebook playing farmville. That is another thing. Her computer died (um, its 8 years old so OF COURSE it died) so my laptop is the sole computer in the house. I actually have to ASK to use MY laptop which was supplied to me by school. Its really getting on my nerves lately especially since I'll close my laptop with things left up (such as my blog or photobucket) and when I come back she'll be using it. I don't want her to see these things and I just feel that it is a huge invasion of privacy. Ok, I'm done ranting, I'm sure people have it much worse off than I do.

School starts in a week from Wednesday and I am BEYOND terrified. I don't want to mess up this semester like I did last semester. Seeing those grades really did not make me feel good about myself. I just hope I really learned my lesson this time because I am paying $15,000 a semester and getting mediocre grades is just not acceptable.

Well I have to go tidy up my room a little since I have trouble falling asleep when it is messy. Goodnight!