Well, I am definitely not getting any younger...

It has been about two months since my last post and I can honestly say that I miss it. I will get ideas in my head of what to say but when it comes down to staring at this blank screen, I am just that - blank.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely despise my birthday. Between sharing it all of my life with my grandparent's anniversary, not having any real friends through middle/high school, and having a boyfriend who couldn't care less about it; I have had anything special happen on it. For some reason, unfortunate events always seem to occur on September 17 and this year I was hoping to break the curse.

Friday night after having dinner with a small group of friends, I ended up in a bar that I somewhat despise. I always meet the creepiest of men when I am there and the bar is just over-all grimy. Having one of my pledge sister's boyfriends spot the cover charge for us made it all worth it though. I ended up meeting a girl with almost the exact same tattoo that I have, on her wrist as well. After a while, everyone had to leave earlier, leaving my friend K and I as the last girls standing.

It was then, that something that I had no expectation of happening, occurred - I met a guy. It started off with me kissing him on the cheek for luck during his pool game (he won!) and ended up with him and I discussing Sigmund Freud and our life dreams at 3AM in a bar. Feeling elated that I not only met a cute guy, but an intelligent one at that, I dismissed myself to use the restroom as he promised to be there when I returned. After some bathroom fun (an entire group of girls singing Happy Birthday to me), I decided to return to my suitor, to only realize that he was GONE. Apparently, he was walking over towards K (who knows his friend) and busted his ass, drenching himself with my drink and his. Also, their other friend had called telling them to get to the airport for the flight they were on later that day.

I feel like I have had a Craigslist missed-connection. The cynic in me is saying that if he really was interested, he would have made sure I was given his number or vice versa. In reality, he was drenched and probably was concerned with getting the fuck out of there. He also left on a plane a few hours later to go to California and won't be back until late next week. At least K and his friend have each other's numbers so all hope is not lost, yet. I just hate having to deal with middle men and would rather have things happen on my own accord, but whatever.

Thanks to my bladder, I narrowly missed getting my birthday kiss. I guess I really am getting old.

My problem is that I focus too much on the future instead of living in the now.

DAY 08: A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

Honestly, I have yet to feel completely satisfied with my life. As of right now, I am content with where my life is going but until I get there, I won't be completely satisfied. I am just happy to finally have a direction, as opposed to just wandering around aimlessly like I had done for the first 22 years of my life.


DAY 09: How you hope your future will be

I hope to make enough money that I could live comfortably, without being in debt, and afford to buy the things that I want. I hope to meet the man of my dreams (yes, I believe he is still out there), marry him and have children. Most of all what I want is to just be happy. So many people go through life hating their job, their spouse and overall path they have chosen in life. I vow to never be that person and to wake up each morning thankful for what I have. Of course my life won't be easy, that man and I will probably fight (I mean, he's marrying me) and other obstacles will be thrown my way, but I hope to just keep my head held high through it all.

One of my resolutions for this year is to stop thinking about the future and live in the moment. This has always been a problem of mine, combined with anxiety surrounding what is going to happen. For one, take the situation with Dusty (AKA the new guy, he would understand the name). Things were going pretty well with that, he showed interest in me and treated me very well. Instead of enjoying it -- which I definitely did to an extent -- I constantly thought about what was going to happen. I have no doubt in my mind, based on things that he was saying and how things were going, that it would have eventually evolved into a relationship but now I am not so sure. I just feel that he was different from the rest, yet I did not treat him like that. Instead I treated him as if I was just waiting for him to fuck up and screw me over and never really gave him a chance. In an effort to prevent myself from getting hurt, I managed to push him away and mess up something that could have been great. Unfortunately I cannot change what I have done, all I can do is to just give it time and hope that if it was meant to be, it will happen.

Everyone else is doing it.

Since I have work in two and a half hours, laundry in its rinse cycle, curly hair and furry eyebrows, I decided to make a post and furthermore press myself for time today. 2010 was actually quite successful for me. I made a few mistakes, definitely learned a lot and overall made some changes that will affect me for the rest of my life. Here's a month-to-month look back at this past year of my life.

January 2010

I started this blog but wasn't too optimistic about keeping up with it. I guess I proved myself wrong. I pursued a job opportunity and started a DayZero Project as a way to keep my accountable with my goals for the near-future. I decided that I was going to stay single until I worked on myself enough first.

February 2010

I did not make one post however - I GOT A JOB! Quite possibly one of the two best things that have happened to me this year. I was very happy to start work and to finally start making money again. My sorority had formal recruitment and I officially became old when my little took a little of her own. I continued at St. John's and was actually doing pretty well with the semester at that point.

March 2010

I also did not make one post this month. In a moment of weakness I started things up with Minute Man again and we accidentally (because it was not the intention) became friends-with-benefits. Whoopsies. I went through training at work and became a certified teller. I started to become completely frustrated with my situation at St. John's and stopped going to class (!!) but worked my ass off and made MAD DOUGH, yo! So, I guess it could have been worse there. Also, things with Minute Man quickly ended because well, fucking duh. I vowed to never be that stupid again with a man.

April 2010

I made the biggest decision of my life. On Easter I was sitting with my cousin talking about life in general, where I felt mine was going etc… when I realized that I needed to make a change. I knew that I was not going to be able to finish St. John's. I was not able to the first time around and I knew deep-down that it was not what I wanted for my life. Not to mentioned the $100,000+ in debt I would have been after graduation and STILL having to go to grad school, it was just not sensible. I decided to look into court reporting, something that I have always found interesting. I knew a few friends from HS who are reporters and decided to ask them about it. My mother FREAKED out and basically told me I was on my own. So I took the initiative, made appointments with people and registered myself there. It was the biggest step I have ever taken on my own but I knew that good things were going to come from it. Minute Man got a girlfriend in like literally a week so that was my way of realizing that things were just never meant to be.

May 2010

I found it very hard to finish strongly at St. John's especially now that I had officially transferred out and was taking classes that would not transfer over to NYCI. Finals week was a complete joke and I bullshitted my way through all of them. I took what could have been a 4.0 semester (I was working that hard) and wasted it ALL away. Oh well, lesson learned. I also did the most fucked up thing that I have ever done to a guy and not even seven days later had it completely blow up in my face. I went to formal anyway, got shitfaced and made an ass out of myself. What else is new? I also started classes at NYCI and realized that it was not going to be as easy as I thought.

June 2010

I got a little bored with the monotony of school/work/friends/rinse and repeat that my summer was about to become so I decided, like a moron, to subscribe to eHarmony. Just for shits and giggles, definitely looking to get a few laughs out of it. Laughs are definitely what I got. After some one disaster after another (and countless others) I decided to give up and change the premise of this blog from being about dating to being about myself.

July 2010

Never the one to easily give up, I decided to embark on a new dating journey with my best friend Dora and pretty much laughed at every desperate man that came my way. Dora seemed to have some success and I just ended up with the biggest creeps ever. I managed to find a normal seeming guy and then ended up having it not work out. I came to the conclusion that whenever I find a guy who seems to "get me", it never seems to work out. I also kept up with eHarmony because I was paying for it and ended up babysitting a child one Friday night.

August 2010

Since July had been cluttered with dating disasters and awkward moments, I decided to completely focus on myself and school from here on out. I realized that I have issues when it comes to dating and men but decided to put it all on the back burner. I purchased a MacBook and quickly realized that this would be the best credit card debt that I would ever have. I kept up with school and worked extra hours at work and finally realized that for the first time I was happy with where I am in life.

September 2010

Ah, my favorite month! I changed the name of my blog (for good!) and looked back on my life and realized how far I have come in the past year. I turned 23 and ended the semester, looking forward to a well-deserved week off. During that week I drove down to Lancaster, PA to visit Marathoner and her husband and had an amazing weekend. I also began a new semester and realized how tough it was going to be.

October 2010

Not much happened this month. School MURDERED me and I let pretty much every other aspect of my life (with the exception of work) take a backseat to it. One thing I wrote about was my Single-versary and I took a look back on how much my life has changed in the two years since Tight Wad and I had broken up. On Halloween I did something that I thought I would NEVER do in my life - I got a tattoo! and to me it was a sign of changing who I was for the better.

November 2010

This was a HUGE month for me school-wise. We started speed building in school and then testing. We took our 20 WPM and 30 WPM tests and I ended up getting 100 on both of them! I also got on the Dean's List which has ALWAYS been a goal of mine. I just felt so proud of myself for the first time in a very long time. On Thanksgiving I realized that I have so much to be thankful for. I started talking to the new guy and already began to create scenarios about how it was not going to work out.

December 2010

I started doing the Reverb10 prompts but then quickly stopped when I realized how every one of my answers were starting to sound the same. I went on a few dates with and started to really get to know the new guy. Of course I go crazy on him from time to time and so far he has been able to handle it. I am just worried that I am going to mess it up BECAUSE it seems to be going so well. I know, I sound insane but I am almost getting excited for it and I don't want that to cloud my judgment or make me blind to what really is going on. We took our 40WPM right before our Christmas break and I got 100 on that as well! It probably will be the last 100 I see but it was a great confidence boast to nail the first three speed tests that I took.

I really have to cut this short or else I am going to be late for work. There you have it, my 2010 in a nutshell, broken down by month. It wasn't always fun but for what I learned this year, I have absolutely no regrets!

I hope everyone has a happy and safe new year!

You're just not used to normal.

Last night Dora had a rare opportunity - she was able to come out and play. We really didn't play, just went out for dinner and had some well-needed conversation. One of the things that we started to talk about was my situation with the new guy. Of course I have anxiety surrounding this, I have anxiety surrounding everything but from what I have learned in the past the anxiety is usually what kills things. This guy (will think of a name for him) has given me NO reason, other than the ones I create, to have any doubt in this situation so I just have to calm down. I really don't talk about him to my friends yet (its still in the beginning stages) so I tend to just act on my instincts/impulses and sometimes I do not do the best thing. Besides Dora the only other person I have discussed him with is Ms. Pulitzer, who ended up FUELING my neurosis as she told me about the negative intentions she feels he might have. THANK GOD for Dora because she definitely helped to ground me. She summed it up the best - "It seems to be going very well, and its normal. You're just not used to normal." and she's absolutely right.

I am not used to normal. I am used to a guy rushing things, not being sure about what he wants, not being sure about how to handle his feelings, etc… I am not used to a MAN that knows what he wants. This guy is slightly older than any guy I have seen and he is set in his life and career. He seems to have a great head on his shoulders and these are the things that attract him to me the most. Of course he is going to want to take things slowly. Also, I have never been in a successful "adult" relationship (or the beginnings of one). The last successful (at the time) relationship that I have started was when I was 18 years old. I am 23 now, things are bound to be different. My worrying comes from the fact that I do not know what to expect next. I am really not one to take a risk and jump into things not knowing whether or not I will get hurt. I have done things with him that I have not done with other guys, like initiating hanging out/dates. That is something that I would NEVER have done before because I feel that the guy should make the first move and that I would be needy if I did. Since I have learned to do that maybe now I can learn to just close my eyes and let it all happen.

Since New Year's Eve is tomorrow and January 2nd (I looked it up) was the day of my first post, I plan to do a "Year in Review" type of post. I don't have as many pictures for it as I would like so that is definitely something I am going to change for the next year.

Leave it to the holidays to make you realize how crazy you are.

Obviously I realize that I am crazy. Not only is it my twitter name but it is also the title and theme of my blog. I can't say that I am proud of it but I have definitely accepted myself for who I am. A fucking loon. I took a drive with my cousin Ms. Pulitzer to drop her grandmother off at home and we had a lovely discussion about this and the childhood events that could be blamed for my insanity. I figured since this is the season of giving and the fact that I have nothing better to do at the moment, I will share (some of) them.

1) I was not a planned baby.

Since my mother feels the need to hide basic details from me, I had no idea about this until some time last year when Ms. Pulitzer and her mom (my loving Aunt) just casually mentioned it in convo, thinking I had known about it. My mother was not my father's first wife. Actually she's not his second either. Or his third or fourth. For the mathematically challenged individuals out there, she was his fifth wife. Their wedding was his sixth though since he married his first wife twice.¹ When my father was married to his first wife they had three children; two daughters and a son. Unfortunately two days before Christmas their son (the youngest) died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Afterwards they decided they did not want to have anymore children so my father had a vasectomy. Then they divorced for whatever reasons² and he went on to marry other women, (yadda, yadda, yadda) and then somehow ended up with my mother. There was a 15 year age difference between my parents and my mother was in her mid-thirties when they met and married so my father was no spring chicken then. Now since we really are not close, I don't know how my mother felt about marrying a man who was only nine years her mother's junior much less one who had already had children and was "fixed" but knowing how she is, she definitely had a lot of comments and guilt that she fed to my father. I'm not sure how my mother managed to get pregnant, maybe vasectomies were not done right in the '60s but I was born. My father had not only raised his children already but was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was very young. My mother just had no idea what she was doing and this led to me not being disciplined and getting away with anything that I tried. It was all well and good until it became time for me to go to school and be around children my age because my um, "rambunctious" behavior definitely did not attract others to me.

2. I was poorly socialized.

This ties in with reason #1. Aside from half-sisters who were in their 30s and had children of their own, I was an only child. My parents both worked and were older so they really did not give me the attention that I needed and certainly did not bothering socializing me with other children my age. Before I started school the only other children that I knew were my cousins, Ms. Pulitzer (who is all of 9 weeks younger than I am) and her older brother. Since Ms. Pulitzer and I were forever put against each other (we even have the same first name) we did not get along at all and constantly fought. Also since I was not used to being around other children I clung to her, which definitely did not help the situation. As if that wasn't enough, we moved around the corner from my cousins and my mother decided to put me in the same school as them. Now we went to a small parochial school where there was only one class per grade and about thirty students to a class, so we were together all day long. Same problem, I clung to everyone since I was not used to being around kids and ended up driving everyone away from me. I was abused in grammar school (Ms. Pulitzer, who had friends, would chime in) and would often act out just for the attention. When I say that I had no friends, I literally mean that I had no friends. Like I would sit alone during the lunch period and just wonder around during recess, while everyone else was playing. As if that was not bad enough, the minute I got into high school I decided to completely make up an entire life to mask the one I had because I felt that it would better help me to make friends. Obviously it did not and I left high school with one or two girls who I still talk to and consider a friend.

Of course there are more things that have happened in my life but when it comes down to it, they always revolve around the two reasons that I listed above. As a result of this I am still somewhat socially awkward (it has improved, trust me) and I am a fucking neurotic mess. I think this partially has to do with being an imperfect perfectionist but also because I am terrified of people not accepting me. Growing up I was so used to having the people I tried befriending not liking me or becoming sick of me (I was told this to my face) so when I finally meet those who like me, I almost get too excited and eventually end up pushing them away. To this day Minute Man is still my favorite example of this, when he figured out that I was crazy homeboy fucking took off like a bat out of hell. I almost feel bad for the new guy because well A) he has to put up with me and B) nothing that I over-think and question (yes, he gets questioned) him about has to do with him. He said it the best when he had rhetorically asked if anything he had said/done caused me to question his intentions or where this was going. They haven't. In fact, he has treated me better than most of the men I dated but because he wants to take things slowly (which if anything should be a good sign) I take it as a bad sign and think that he must be getting sick of me. Hopefully I will learn to calm the fuck down, or get my hands on a prescription for Xanax before I do end up driving this one away.

All in all, Christmas 2010 was very nice. I had a great weekend with my family and Santa treated me very well. Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!

<sub>1. I guess she was his "one true love", especially since my father was about to leave my mother but ended up dying first.

2. I have heard that my father was a philanderer and apparently had cheated on every one of his wives with the exception of my mother since he was too sick/old.</sub>

Procrastination at its finest.

I cannot even believe myself right now, its three days before Christmas and I haven't even STARTED Christmas shopping yet. I only brought some gifts for Dora because I know that our time together is limited so I had to be prepared. Aside from Dora I am only getting gifts for family members this year. Funds are just way too low and I actually have one of my bills due on New Year's Day, so its gonna be pretty fun. I'm thinking of using the Christmas money that my grandmother is giving me to help pay for that one, since it falls right in the middle of my pay period. Speaking of which, my paycheck was less than half of what it normally is and my next check is going to be missing two Saturdays in a row (no, I don't get paid holidays) so I'm lucky if its gonna be triple digits. I need to rob a bank, no joke. Or at least have the one I work for give me more hours so I can have a decent paycheck.

This sort of brings up an important (not really though) question - what do I get the new boy for Christmas? I have only been seeing him for a few weeks so I'm definitely not getting him anything major but I feel that I at least have to get him something. He's a huge nerd so I was thinking of going somewhere along the lines of that. Whatever, its the least of my worries right now but usually I am so good at putting together gifts. Whatever I end up doing, I know it will be funny. Any suggestions? Help a girl out!

Out of my two week mini break from school I have SIX days where I have nothing (school, work, holidays) to do. I feel like I have completely wasted my first three, all I have managed to get done is my laundry and OCD-clean my room. The visions I had of getting all of my homework and Christmas shopping done by now have long since faded away and I find myself sleeping until at least noon on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong, it feels amazing to relax but I kind of feel like I am wasting this break and not getting done all the things that I need to. I have not even touched my machine other than to move it out of the way when I was cleaning last night. I know that I need to really practice this break or I am going to lose where I am at, which will cripple me if we take our 50WPM the week that we come back from break.

Enough procrastination, its time to make breakfast (its almost 4 in the afternoon), and get to shopping. Today is Macy's last One Day Sale before Christmas so the chances of me strangling someone are greatly increased. Has anyone else really procrastinated this holiday season?

I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need.

Let me just say that I have the WORST writer's block (which really I don't believe in, its just an excuse for being a shitty writer) that I have had since I started this blog. Fuck Reverb10. We can all just add that to the list of things that I have set out to do and ended up not finishing. I was too tired of answering almost every post with "Well, changing schools was the best decision ever." I mean don't get me wrong, it was, its just I had a few more things go on this year that deserve to be elaborated on as well. I probably will not have many pictures to go with it but expect some type of year-recap-thing post in the near future.

This week was pretty much one of the worst weeks that I have had in recent memory. Just the combination of stress from school, work and friends really did it in for me. I ended up taking a great deal of it out on the new guy. I'm still not willing to go into too much detail on that yet, I do not wanna jinx anything but aside from me sometimes going crazy, its going quite well. I went over his house yesterday and between demolishing his ass in Operation and then watching Drop Dead Fred, my bad week was just swept away and now I feel like my normal self again.

As of Thursday I am officially off from school for two whole weeks. It feels amazing but I am also terrified that I am not going to practice at all. I have a feeling that I have passed the point where I can get away with it and if we take our 50 the week we come back, I definitely will end up coming close to or actually failing it. Basically I have two goals set for this break: FINISH my room since my shelving piece finally came in and to PRACTICE MY ASS OFF. If I'm gonna be a court reporter, this is what I need to do.

Cutting this way short since shenanigans with aforementioned boy caused me to only get an hour of sleep today and I have yet to nap. Hopefully I will post again soon, if not Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!

Its always a good idea to make a blog post when you're running late.

So I had such good intentions of being on the road early, getting to East Stroudsberg (whaddup stalkers) during the early afternoon, etc… But I don't think I am going to end up leaving until at least noon. Considering I just woke up, need to pack (i.e. figure out what I am wearing tomorrow), get a quick mani/pedi and then run over to work and settle some business. Yes, I am fucking awesome when it comes to time management. Oh and my mother just texted me, apparently I have to add stopping by my uncle's repair shop to make sure my car can handle the ride. Yeah, I think we're just gonna lie about that one.

So last night I had what I would like to call an Amazing First Date. I have only had a few AFDs in my life so far so this is kind of a big deal and pretty sweet. More deets on that at a later time, I just don't have the time to write about it now and also I don't wanna talk about something until I know what it is. Just know, that it was REALLY GOOD.

I guess I will also get today's Reverb10 out of the way. Obviously I am not going to be able to do tomorrow's on time so Sunday will just be my make-up day. I actually like today's and feel that it is more relevant to my life than my blog (which is my life so that statement makes NO SENSE but whateva).

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

In September during the week I had off from school Dora and I spent a lot of time together and explored a lot of new places (to me at least). One of the places that she took me to was the Gateway National Recreation Area (Great Kills Marina/Park/ish). We parked over by the water and stared out at the marina. It was the end of September and we were by the water so it was very windy but I did not mind. I just stood there, staring out, letting the wind mess up my hair. The water seemed like it just went on forever and the sun's reflection off of it was absolutely beautiful. Dora and I were sitting in different areas just thinking. I was reflecting on the semester that just ended and how far I had come as person in just a short period of time. I have no idea what Dora was thinking of but I hope sitting there helped her find some peace in this rough time that she is going through. Afterwards we cleaned out her trunk, took some great pictures and then explored a little more. When the weather gets warmer I would definitely love to go back out there. Who knew such beauty could exist on Staten Island?

I have a family wedding this weekend and I am kind of excited for it. This is my father's family and while I love that I have contact with them because they are my only link to them, I still need to fully warm up to them. This is my third time in 15 years being around them so I feel that its only normal. The last Pennsylvania wedding that I went to was um, different then what I was expecting so I am definitely curious to see what happens at this one.

Well, I'm off to shower/pack/complete my laundry list and definitely get a last minute cuddling session with my dog. Have a great weekend!!

Precisely why I am not allowed to like guys.

I seriously cannot handle myself anymore. I mean don't get me wrong, I take pride in the fact that I am a neurotic little mess, hell I even have a blog about my life entitled "Color Me Neurotic" but sometimes I just take it way too far. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Now I have not really divulged into the mess that I have been with other men in my life. Mainly because I had not been blogging at the time or was and just did not feel like humiliating myself in front of the world (or whoever the fuck reads this). I could assure you that I have taken part in destroying some things. Tight Wad for one went really well, for a really long time but then when it fell apart, it was like the Vietnam War in the sense that it was prolonged, useless and not many (only him) survived. Since I have such a fucked up sense of humor I could actually laugh at the whole Minute Man situation. Unfortunately Dora is still trying to recover from that whole debacle. It is something that I can only describe as the "Train Wreck of Nikki Jo". I was deceiving, he thought I was some cool, level-headed, normal girl. When my neurosis surfaced, he ran like a bat out of hell. Obviously he could not handle me and who could really blame him? I'm a mess, however deep-down inside, I am an amazing girl who wants nothing more than to find someone who can catch her drift.

So it goes without saying that I am definitely one to lose her cool with guys. I guess it may be insecurity but I am not afraid of not being able to GET a man. Whatever, I'm overweight but I am still pretty and I have an awesome personality. I just am… different and as I have figured out, am too much for some people to handle. So I guess my real challenge is to find someone who can just accept and love me for who I am, flaws and all. I always manage to get excited when I find someone who just might do that and almost expect something to go wrong. I need to learn how to stop sweating the small stuff and just LET IT FLOW. I have to get over it and realize that just because it hasn't worked with anyone else does not mean that it will not work with anyone. I don't like to be blind-sighted with things so in my craziness I figure that if I prepare for failure I will not be hurt or affected by it. This all sounds somewhat logical except for the fact that I often take this preparation way too far and end up killing something that would have worked out otherwise.

I think I am starting to do this right now in a situation that I possibly have going in. This particular situation is not even blog-worthy (yet!) and I am still in KNOTS thinking of ways that it will not work. For sure I am going to drive this person away even though he seems to be fine with me being a crazy fuck. I don't know what the future holds for it though, I have yet to even meet this person but all I know is that my text message count with him is almost 1000 more than the ones I have with the members of my inner circle so maybe that says something. All I know is that I cannot worry about a situation that has yet to even develop. I guess I should be happy that I am at least logical and aware of my problem. I just wish that I could listen to my own advice and take a big fucking chill pill. Oh, to the man that I am going to marry - This will ALL be worth it, promise : )

bitches love my new MacBook, if they don't, fuckin' skanks

So I went and did something that is a little irresponsible, I purchased the MacBook. I needed a little help from my mother but now I finally have one! This is almost two and a half years in the making so this is a pretty big deal for me. Regrets? None whatsoever. Just ones from my unreliable internet connection. Overall, I am absolutely in love with this machine. It was so easy to set up and is very user friendly. It also came with a free ipod touch (which became my mother's birthday gift) and a printer (which they did not have in stock so I am buying at a later date). As a result of the shitty internet connection it took a while to set up her ipod but we finally were able to do it and now she is very happy and has one album already on it. Yeah, she gives me a lot of shit and is a royal pain in my ass but it was great to see her so happy. Now I want an ipod touch! I'll wait though to either Christmas or my birthday. I've seriously never been so happy to be in credit card debt though. I went ahead and purchased iWorks (which is compatible with the MS Office), a pink case (of course), some iTunes gift cards and a three year protection plan. I almost purchased the Sims 3 but decided not to. I cannot get obsessed with that game again! Between that and blogging I will never practice my machine again. I think I am officially a Mac now ... :)

In other news, things are going well with both men lol. This is so out of character for me! AH, another idea for the eHarmony guided communication question. I wonder if this one will scare him off? I have semi-concrete plans to meet up with both of them during the week. I guess I am just going to keep it casual for now and then change it when feelings do (or don't) develop. Oh hayyy, I think I might be crossing something else off of my Knot List.

Happy August! What does this mean? My birthday, end of the semester and FALL are almost here :)

Date with the security guard - follow me young grasshopper.

So last night was my first date with the Security Guard. I worked until 8 and we agreed to meet at Chili's at 9:30 for dinner and drinks. I had a hard day at work so I was dying for some margaritas. I was slightly nervous when I got there but I definitely felt more comfortable when I saw him. He is definitely my type physically. He's a clean cut, Jersey boy. This was his first time in Staten Island which blew my mind. I've been to Jersey many times, hell I even dated someone who lived there for three years, how has he never ventured across that bridge? The conversation flowed well throughout dinner with no awkward silence. Since I had work early this morning, we did not go out after dinner. Instead we sat in his car, listened to mixes that he made (he's a DJ sometimes, for funsies I guess) and then made out for a little.

I don't know what it was about him, he's only a little over a year younger than me but I just feel so much older than he is. Maybe we are in different places in life and have had different experiences? Not sure but that is where the title of this entry comes from. Honestly it is nothing against him but I just don't feel like a relationship is going to come from this. This is so unlike me, I am usually the girl who would kill to be in a relationship with a guy after just one date. I guess I am growing up? He is a really nice guy, goodlooking and a great kisser, I might definitely keep him around but casually just to see if it goes anywhere. I'm 22 and single, why not have all the fun I can have while I still got it?

Tomorrow is Ice Crotch's birthday. Yes, I call my mother Ice Crotch. I swear though, it is all out of love. I am actually not giving her a gift tomorrow because in a few weeks I am going to finally buy myself a macbook! The special for students (yay for being a super-duper senior!) is that you buy and macbook and get an ipod touch for free. Since my mother has been dying for an ipod touch and I've been dying for a macbook, this is perfect. While this purchase will not put me in a hole per se, it definitely is not a financially responsible move. The zero interest for the first year on the card is a definite incentive though so I'm gonna to save up for a few more weeks and then put the remaining balance on that card. I have wanted a white macbook for two years now. It is a beautiful machine and I truly cannot wait to have one to call my own.

So Electric Man and I were talking earlier and we decided that one day during the week (since tomorow night it will be thunderstorming) we are going to finally meet and either go for a walk on the boardwalk or at Ft Wadsworth because it is right under the bridge and is beautiful at night. Not sure which day yet, that all depends on the whether and our schedules. While I'm still excited to finally meet this man, some of it has faded since what it was. That's only expected though, considering we've been talking for nearly a month and have still not met.

We shall wait and see ...

I got you all figured out, you need everyone's eyes just to feel seen.

So since things with Electric Man are kind of at a stand still (we are still talking regularly but nothing has been mentioned about rescheduling our date), I've decided to take eharmony more seriously. After all, I am paying for it. I started talking to this guy who will be referred to simply as The Security Guard yesterday and our exchange quickly switched the regular e-mail. He is a little over a year younger than me but is physically my type and so far it seems that personality-wise he is as well. We are actually looking to possibly meet up this weekend. Considering I have yet to meet ANY of these men in person, this is really bold for me. I have decided to stop being such a pansy and just go for it because again, I PAID for these services that have been rendered but am not taking advantage of. There is absolutely nothing that I can lose from this, only gain.

Another match from eharmony that I have that seems promising is at a bit of a standstill for a moment because for the life of me I cannot answer one of his open-ended questions. The question asked If I could do something completely out of character and remain anonymous, what would it be? Normally, you would think that this would be an easy question for me to answer since I am somewhat of a tight-ass and a lot of things are out of character for me. This is true, however none of those things are actions that I would like to remain anonymous for. One of the things that I immediately thought of was to have a one night stand. I am one of those people that put the pussy on a pedestal, my pussy that is, so a one night stand is definitely out of character for me. I would not mind if I was anonymous for this act however I feel that my match would kind of be weirded out by this answer so, no bueno. Another possible response I thought of was to be carefree and relaxed. I was all for that until I realized that I would not want to remain anonymous for that. I would want to shout it out to WHOMEVER it may concern that I am no longer a neurotic whack-a-doodle. Another possibility would be to say that I would love to be more confident and allow people to see the REAL ME. Yes, definitely out of character but impossible to remain anonymous for, it would almost defeat the purpose.

Le sigh, I just hope he does not become impatient and close the match because I haven't responded yet. Fuck you eharmony, bad enough you have to give us "guided communication", as if we are too inept to freely speak to our matches, but you had to go make the questions difficult. Don't you realize what type of crazy might be using your services?!

In better news, I seem to be kicking ass at both school AND work. We received our midterm grades today and my grades are 3 A's and 1 B, making my GPA (as of right now) a 3.79. I have actually done better in school before but hopefully that will be good enough to make the Dean's List (a goal on my Day Zero Project). If not, I will just have to raise that B to an A which is very possible considering the B is in a class that I failed the first test for. At work yesterday one of the girls I work with over-heard the Head Teller saying that I no longer have differences and that I am getting good. That felt SO good to hear! Let's just hope that she did not jinx me and I end up with a difference tonight! I'm excited, I've never ruled at work and school simultaneously so I hope I can keep this up!

Now, if I can just rule the dating scene as well, I will be all set!

its been one week since you looked at me

and also one week since I've written a post! I do apoloize, it was my summer break and I was being extremely lazy. Now that my summer vacation is over and I am back to school, I will probably be back to updating ad nauseum. You have been warned.

My, my, where have I left off? Oh yes, my new dating adventure. Stay tuned for a post about some poor soul that I appear to have offended, it should be hilarious and more importantly touches on an issue very near and dear to my heart, a future HEFFER PRIDE PARADE. More about that in my next post though.

So, I believe I have met someone normal! I know, I am shocked as well. On Wednesday or Tuesday a man that I will now refer to as Electric Man (serious, SERIOUS brownie points for those who picked up on the Family Guy reference) emailed me and we have been talking ever since. We seem to have a lot in common, especially with our personalities and how much we both love to talk and tell stories, so it seems like it will go well. I am still extremely skeptical, especially because of where I met him off of. As a result of this, I am no longer posting ads on that site. I no longer have time for the level of crazy that responds and also, I feel the Electric Man will probably be the most normal guy I meet off of there so I am just going to quit while I am ahead. Oh, and Jesus Christ the mother fucker COOKS! I have never met a man who can cook before!? Oh dear, definitely only a matter of time before I fuck this one up! We are most likely going out for drinks on either Friday or Saturday night. Even though I feel mildy comfortable and he agreed (without any argument) to meet up on Staten Island so I'm comfortable, I am still notifying Dora of my whereabouts on an hourly basis. I am sure serial killers usually make their victims feel comfortable as well, before they slice their throats open.

The only thing that really concerns me about Electric Man is how smart he is. This was one of the things that first attracted him to me, how smart I sounded in emails but emails are very different from texting. I take the time to carefully craft what I am going to say and how I am going to say it. Texting? I just let whatever shit to come out of my mouth flow. Speaking of shit that comes out of my mouth. Dora made a post about that very thing here. (Follow her btw, maybe then she'll post more) Granted those are only a few examples but you could definitely tell that I'm a winner. I am afraid that he's going to realize this and instead of appreciating it as part of my charm, turn around and have the biggest WTF moment known to man.

How this will all pan out? I guess we just have to wait and see...