Monday, April 5, 2010

now if i can only avoid cheesecake like i avoid you, we'd be in business

Well I definitely neglected this thing! SO many things have came together in my life since I last posted. Unfortunately some things have fallen completely apart as well.

Pledging came and went, we got in 9 amazing new girls (including my little little!) and it was just an amazing time to be a DEB. Of course theres drama but really what sorority does not have it. I started talking to minute man again and was actually really happy. I was working on not repeating the things that had caused it not to work in the past and just felt that things were different this time between us. About two weeks ago he texts me saying he just does not see it working out and now last week he tells me that he met someone else. Of course I'm crushed over this, I spent pretty much the last year of my life on and off thinking about this man, hoping it would work out and now it is over for good. We did a lot of talking last week and he flat out admitted that he just gave up. I will be the first to admit that I am not an easy girl to deal with and to please and to be quite honest - I LOVE that about me! I love that I am very complicated and a little crazy at times, it totally makes me who I am. I need someone who is not going to give up on me and that, I deserve much more than that. When I said goodbye to him I used the quote from Boy Meets World that Topanga put under her yearbook picture for Cory -

"I do my thing and you do your thing, you are you and I am I, and if in the end we end up together, its beautiful".

He said that he couldn't agree more and agreed that it was very fitting. Of course I am going to have that hope that one day it could all work out but because of recent events it is very obvious that this is not happening in the near future. It is time to move on, finally, because he has. I simply cannot be the only one still holding on, I will not allow it. I have done well with not contacting him (last spoke to him, told him to take care and not "be a stranger" and he said he wouldn't - its no longer on my terms) and even though its been difficult I have deleted him and his friends from my fb and have yet to look at his page today. I rememeber what I used to tell myself to not look at tight wad's page - I'd remind myself that it takes 23 days to build a habit and that if I go 23 days without looking I will no longer desire to. So I guess this is 1/23.

In other, more important news - I HAVE A JOB !!. In early February TD Bank called me for a second interview and the rest is history. I was offically certified as a teller in mid-March and have been working there part-time ever since. So far I really like my job, I have been doing well and learning everything and I really like the people that I work with. So I finally have a job and I am paying my bills off! I cannot wait to be completely out of credit card debt and to start living a better, more comfortable life :)

So I am doing well this semester, of course it is challenging but so is any other 18 credit semester but I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I am 22 years old, I'll be 23 later this year and I am just completely stuck in the same spot. I am basically on the same level as a 20 year old (thank GOD I do not have the same mentality though!) and it is killing me. Although it was not said, I'm sure that this had something to do with me and Minute Man not working, we are in two different places in our lives! This is not only for him though, it goes for anyone who is my age and I am sick of it! On top of, I cannot see myself as an event planner! I would love to maybe own my own catering hall one day but I honestly do not see myself doing this right now. So I made an executive decision - I will NOT be returning to St. John's next semester! I am just not a school person and I always thought that that was what I had to be and that I had no choice. I have decided to attend the New York Career Institute for Court Reporting. It is an Associate's program that with my credits I could possibly complete this degree in less than two years. It is also in high demand so I will more than likely have a job! It is also high paying and NYCI costs a lot less to attend than St. John's does so I will be able to pay my bills off a lot more quickly than I would if I finished at St. John's. Words cannot express the relief I feel right now! I am very unhappy with where I am in my life and I feel that this is a positive step forward to fixing that. I have an appointment next Monday with the admissions counselor and I am bringing all of what I need for it. The campus is literally down the block from a school that I once attended so I will have no trouble getting there. The next semester starts May 17, one week after finals end at St. John's. I guess having a summer break is over-rated but I really want to get a move on with this.

I do promise to keep up with this more, I've just been super busy as you can tell!

1 comment:

JerseySjov said...

:) glad to see you back on blogger! seems like you have a LOT on your plate and it might be helpful to vent on here a bit more. i know i'd lose my mind if it wasn't for my blog!

Post a Comment