challenge wednesdays

So I've really been enjoying my mini summer vacation so far and I really wish it was for longer than two weeks but oh well, what can you do? Since I am having trouble accomplishing things that I need to (I am being VERY lazy), I have decided to make it thise week's challenge.

Clean my room and put all new clothes away.
Organize shoes in closet.
Practice for one hour a day.
Do all of my laundry.
Go to the beach at least once.
Go to the gym at least three days a week.
Go on a shopping spree.
Sleep in until three and go out and drink that night.
Hang out with friends I am normally not able to see.
Go down to the shore.
Balance my checkbook/finances.
Clean out my school bag and organize it.
Do not drink soda for one week.


That is all that I could think of for now, it is a short break after all.

Oh and I failed miserably at last week's challenge of not drinking soda so I added it to the end of the list.

Also, I received another award from the lovely One Blonde Girl. So to add to my list, make the three entries for the awards!

no, you can't make him take you out to dinner because you wanna wear your new outfit

So yesterday Dora and I went on quite the successful shopping trip. We went to Kohl's and I finally got a decent green work shirt for Friday's and some really cute sandals. Then we decided to hit up Woodbridge Mall and I went nuts in Macy's and Lane Bryant. I did really well, I got three cute outfits and four pairs of shoes in all. Then we went for lunch at Jose Tejas which was absolutely amazing. Great food and it is SO cheap! Best margaritas EVER btw :)

This is one of my favorite new outfits -


(just pretend that those shoes are brown, I could not find a pic of them)

I really wanted to wear this last night. If you recall, I was meeting bachelor #2 at starbucks. As you see, that outfit is WAY too much for just going out for coffee so I could not wear it :(

By the way, it went well. We had good conversation and it was not awkward, except for when we were saying goodnight. He's really shy and we were just like "ok, goodnight!" and yeah. Awwwwkkkkkwaard. I mean, we ended up closing Starbucks so that can't be too bad, right? I'm really not looking for anything so it will be no big deal if this does not go anywhere.

Looking for new followers?

Join the fun of Mingle Monday at Life of Meg! I've been doing it for the last three weeks and was able to read MANY new interesting blogs from it :)

well, its not a pulitzer but...

Lazy Sunday night after a weekend filled with works and girls nights. One thing it has not included, practicing. If I don't practice in these next two weeks I will most likely lose any skill that I have acquired so far, so I must MUST practice!

This weekend was one of those "and THIS is why I am fat!" moments. In a surprise twist of events I ended up at The Cheesecake Factory both Friday AND Saturday night. I loved seeing my sorority sisters, especially my pledge sisters! I have not hung out with any of these girls in a really long time. Of course I had cheesecake both nights, I don't usually go there and really how can you not have cheesecake when you go there? So yeah, definitely never eating again starting next week. Also, I totally drank soda this weekend! I guess I FAIL at that challenge.

Well, enough about how much I suck.

So this week I lost my blog award virginity! I received two awards from two blogs that I love reading! Amber and MB are both amazing and I love reading their blogs - check them out right now!!



I have to give both of these awards to 10 bloggers that I have recently discovered. Since its a little late and I'm tired, I will definitely do this over the next couple of days. It will definitely be a hard decision, I read so many amazing blogs!

In other news, tomorrow I am meeting Bachelor #2 for coffee so I will definitely let you know how that goes!

Oh and she'll have a shot of the 1800, thanks.

Last night I went out with Dora who was in much need of a night out. I hope I at least succeeded in taking her mind off of things and having her kick back.

So FINALLY I am on vacation! However, its only from school and unfortunately I happen to work at the one bank that is open on Sunday (including the 4th of July). At least I will finally get to the beach this summer. Usually by this time I am a different race but I am so pale right now, it sucks.

Speaking of summer, a year ago today Michael Jackson died. I still remember how I found out, I was laying on my couch doing nothing and Minute Man texted me because he heard about as he was driving home from work. A lot has changed in that year, for one I was with Minute Man and things were amazing. I was working at Lane Bryant, made absolutely no money and pretty much hated it. I was about to start at St. John's again, trying to prove to everyone that I was capable of sticking it out there. Oh, and I was extremely tan. That weekend I was going up to the poconos for my half-niece's wedding and getting reacquainted with a family that I have not seen in over a decade. I made the drive by myself because this was something I knew that I had to do alone. I saw many pictures that weekend and heard stories about my father that I never knew.

Now, only three hundred and sixty-five days later, so much has changed. I am pale as shit, have not spoke to Minute Man (who has a girlfriend) in a few months, I love my job and I make decent money, and I will never set foot in St. John's again. Instead, I am well on my way to becoming a court reporter. I also keep contact with my father's family and its great because I feel they are my one connection to him.

HOW MUCH HAVE YOUR LIVES CHANGED IN ONE YEAR?

challenge wednesdays

So last week's challenge of not logging onto facebook for a week was somewhat successful. With the exception of a random status update and one notification check (both done on my phone), I did not log onto the site. Today I just logged on for a few minutes and have not logged back in since. I really have no desire to and I just think that the site causes way too much drama. I ended up seeing some pictures from a fraternity's formal that kind of caused me to raise an eyebrow. If you have been reading my blog for a while you would remember the fiasco that occured with picking a date for my formal. While going through the pictures I noticed a girl that I friendly with was LumberJack's date. This stuck out to me, not because I was jealous or anything but because she was one of the few people that I told that I had a slight crush on him. Obviously, the feelings were not mutual or he would not have canceled on me but that's not the point. I don't really associate myself with these people, but I wouldn't want to be a laughing stock either. One of the things on my 101 in 1001 was to wean myself off of facebook, I guess I can cross another item off of this list!
Anyway on to this week's challenge -

DO NOT DRINK SODA FOR ONE WEEK. This includes when I go out to eat, which is when I actually drink the most soda. This one is going to be very difficult, especially since this weekend I am going out to dinner twice.

Who is with me on this one?

[Oh and in reference to my last post, Ellie passed away this morning. May she rest in peace and her family find comfort in knowing that their little girl is at peace and in pain no more]

things we all take for granted

So on Twitter for the past few months I have been following a support site for this eight year old girl named Ellie who has been fighting cancer and her family. The site can be found here. I would catch the updates every now and then, reading about how sick she was but always remained in a good spirit. Today I was on the bus home from school when I noticed on Twitter that they were saying how they are now down to the last few hours of Ellie's life. I clicked on her timeline and immediately found myself in tears as I read about this little girl who was nearing the end of her fight for life.

I don't know if its from watching my dad and grandfather suffer but I developed the mentality that their death was almost a relief in the sense that they were no longer in pain. I know not everyone feels this way, and I don't expect them too but its always been the way that I knew to comfort myself about someone passing. However, one thing just kept bothering me about this...

SHE IS ONLY EIGHT YEARS OLD.

I'm not implying that this would not be sad if she was older, because it still would but its just worse (to me) because she is a child. At eight years old, my biggest worry (well besides my father dying) was whether or not we were playing manhunt that night after dinner. If I was going to pass my spelling test. If my childhood crush (who was married last week) even knew that I existed. There were so many things in life that I had yet to experience at the age of 8. Hell, at the age of 22 there are still many things I have yet to do. This little girl will NEVER get to experience many of the things that we all take for granted in life.

I will say one thing though, from the look of her support site, this little girl was very loved. While yes, she won't get to experience a lot out of life she was still very fortunate enough to have family and friends who loved her so much and fought with her. Unfortunately, there are many people who cannot say the same thing. Also, even with the knowledge that her life was going to be cut short she did not let it get her down and it looks like she kept very high spirits as her condition worsened. I was reading that today while her mother cried at her side, she looked at her and told her that it was ok.

I guess that quote is true that Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

More about Ellie can be found Lift Up Ellie. I hope that Ellie and her family soon find peace and comfort during this difficult time.

I usually don't write about sad things like this but I just could not get my mind off of this today.

A change of spelling and scenary.

CONGRATS! If you are reading this, that means you found my new URL. If not, everyone else will follow over once they see my post on my former URL. I was just tired of seeing my spelling error and my OCD got the best of me. I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you! Your comments and support put the BIGGEST smile on my face =)

I'm a tad late with this but I do have a Father's Day post in the works. I just wanted to dig out pictures and also figure out how to use the scanner in my mom's room. Its most likely not hooked up but if it is, I will definitely use pictures for the post!

the moral of this blog is...

I was reading some blogging advice earlier and one of the things that people kept repeating over and over in their comments was to register my own domain. Since google offers it for the low price of $10 a year, it seems very reasonable. Also, it transfers everything over from your current blog to the next so it is something that I might end up doing. That got me thinking, what would I name my blog? I started this blog back in spring of last year as a way of documenting my life as a single girl in New York City. I was finally 21 and envisioned myself as going out on the town with my friends every weekend, meeting men and then writing about it à la Carrie Bradshaw. That did not take off so well. I ended up meeting someone during the summer and forgot about this blog. I tried to pick it back up this year and I feel I am doing pretty well so far.

Then I realized something ....

I am NOT Carrie Bradshaw. I am not middle-aged, living in my rent controlled apartment on the upper east side, buying CRAZY expensive clothing and shoes on my freelance magazine writer's salary. I am Nikki. I am 22 years old, living with my mom in Staten Island, saving most of my bank teller's salary to pay off small debts and student loans. There is a BIG difference here. I don't feel that my relationship status makes me who I am or should make my blog what it is for that matter. Granted, I made the fatal mistake of signing up for eharmony but even that is not something that I am always writing about. I guess I no longer feel that the title of this blog is appropriate. I will get around to coming up with something new, maybe when I buy paint shop pro 9 and can make a new header for myself.

So until I can decide on what exactly my blog is about, I will not register ANY domain name. Unfortunately, nikkiisapsychopath.com seems like it would be a little too long for people to remember.

one is (so not) the loneliest number

So tonight I was out to dinner with one of my co-workers (ironically, this is the only one that I complain about from time to time) who is the same age as I am and also single. The conversations that we had got me thinking and I finally came to the realization that I am fine being single. I am only 22, I still have plenty of time to find a man. Also I don't feel that I am in the right point of my life to start a serious relationship. If anything, I'm sure I could casually find the time to date someone but as far as establishing a serious relationship goes, I am already in one with my steno. Oh yes, that is what my machine looks like. It is a loaner from the school and hopefully we are getting our real ones soon! Anyway, back on topic. I don't think I want another relationship until I am done with school and working. I just will have my life settled by then and maybe I will be looking to settle down. Of course, if I happen to meet "the one" before then, I won't push him away. I am just no longer concerned or feeling that I am missing out because I am single. I figure that these are going to be the best years of my life, especially after I finish school, start working and have the money to do things that I want to. I without a doubt want to travel before settling down. Sure, traveling with your significant other would be fun but I want to do it with my friends mainly. I don't think I have to worry about not finding someone at my age. In five or so years, when I am inching closer to 30, THEN I will start to get concerned ;) I always told my cousin that if I am not married or in a serious relationship by my 30th birthday that she has to buy me my first cat. In all seriousness, I'll meet him when the time is right.

Not a Michael Buble person but this line definitely sums up how I feel -

"Wherever you are, whenever its right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life"

Give me a few months, once it gets to the winter time I will definitely be longing for someone to cuddle up and stay in with during a snow storm.

challenge wednesdays

So I've decided to try something new, every Wednesday I am going to do a seven day long challenge. I will try and keep up with this and do a new one every week.

This week's challenge - GO SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT LOGGING ON TO facebook.

Now, I've been on FB for around five years now, back when it was just for college students and THEFACEBOOK.COM. Shows my age, huh? So this will be a little difficult. This includes next checking it on my phone either - THIS will be the real challenge!

Anyone wanna join me? Let's do it!

all these things that i've done

Thanks Christy!

BOLD what you have done in life.

1. started your own blog
2. slept under the stars
3. played in a band
4. visited Hawaii
5. watched a meteor shower
6. given more to charity than you could afford to
7. been to Disney
8. climbed a mountain
9. held a praying mantis
10. sung a solo
11. bungee jumped
12. visited Paris
13. watched a thunder and lightning storm
14. taught yourself an art from scratch
15. adopted a child
16. had food poisoning
17. walked to the top of the statue of liberty
18. grown your own vegetables
19. seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. slept on an overnight train
21. had a pillow fight
22. hitch hiked
23. taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. built a snow fort
25. held a lamb
26. gone skinny dipping
27. run a marathon
28. ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. seen a total eclipse
30. watched a sunrise or sunset
31. hit a home run
32. been on a cruise
33. seen Niagara falls in person
34. visited the birthplace of your ancestors (well, one side of the family!)
35. seen an Amish community
36. taught yourself a new language
37. had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. seen the leaning tower of Pisa in person
39. gone rock climbing
40. seen Michelangelo’s David in person
41. sung karaoke
42. seen old faithful erupt
43. bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant - I brought a homeless woman soup on a hot day
44. visited Africa
45. walked on a beach by moonlight
46. been transported in an ambulance - Not for me though
47. had your portrait painted
48. gone deep sea fishing
49. seen the Sistine chapel in person
50. been to the top of the Eiffel tower in Paris
51. gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. kissed in the rain
53. played in the mud
54. gone to a drive-in theatre
55. been in a movie
56. visited the great wall of china
57. started a business
58. taken a martial arts class
59. visited Russia
60. served at a soup kitchen
61. sold girl scout cookies
62. gone whale watching
63. gotten flowers for no reason
64. donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. been sky diving
66. visited a concentration camp
67. bounced a check
68. flown in a helicopter
69. saved a favorite childhood toy
70. visited the Lincoln memorial
71. eaten caviar
72. pieced a quilt
73. stood in times square
74. toured the everglades
75. been fired from a job
76. seen the changing of the guard in London - NO but I've seen it at Arlington National Cemetery.
77. broken a bone
78. been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. seen the grand canyon in person
80. published a book
81. visited the Vatican
82. bought a brand new car
83. walked in Jerusalem
84. had your picture in the newspaper
85. kissed a stranger at midnight on new year’s eve
86. visited the white house
87. killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. had chickenpox
89. saved someone’s life
90. sat on a jury
91. met someone famous - realty TV star, close enough
92. joined a book club
93. gotten a tattoo
94. had a baby
95. seen the Alamo in person
96. swam in the great salt lake
97. been involved in a law suit
98. owned a cell phone
99. been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

(29/100) - Wow, I really have not lived!

Blogging, way cheaper than therapy.

I often think about how much I have to offer people and how I try so hard (I fail, sometimes) not to let them down. However, when it comes to myself, I see that I let myself down more often than not. I am without a doubt disappointed in many things I have done in the past. I was not motivated in high school and literally just made it. Its not that I am stupid, because I am not. Its that I lack the motivation and I don't try. Don't even get me started with college, that it is still a working progress five years later. I think of all the money and more importantly, the time that I have wasted and I cringe. I stayed with Tight Wad because I felt that maybe, just maybe if I stayed with him and treated him right, he would do the same for me. I stayed with Minute Man, thinking that if I showed him how good of a girlfriend I was capable of being, that he would be proud to call me his. All of these hard lessons have one thing in common, I was not letting myself succeed (or be happy). I can look back now and see that I honestly was not happy towards the end of things with both Tight Wad and Minute Man, why did I not just leave and let myself find happiness? Why didn't I just apply myself in high school and allow myself to get good grades and into a better school? And why, oh WHY didn't I just grin and bear it in college? No one wants to be in class, they just go and get it over with. I could have graduated last year with my classmates. I would have even settled for graduating this year with my friends!

Also, I need to stop dwelling on the past so much. This can't be too healthy either. I owe it to myself to succeed. I owe it to myself to walk away from situations with some dignity for once. My life is what I make of it. Granted, you cannot control everything that happens but you control how you react to it. If I somehow learned how to just breathe and take things for what they are, maybe things in my life will come together.

ANOTHER thing I need to stop doing is planning to fail. School especially because I know my past, I know that I start out strong and then lose my motivation. I am terrified not to succeed at this because it is my last resort. I cannot possibly go to another school after this. I cannot do this to myself or to my poor mother. I have been doing well so far but I am just praying that I don't lose the motivation and fail at yet another thing I try. I NEED TO GROW UP. I will be 23 in a few months and god damnit, I need to start acting like it. Part of the reason why I am failing is because of my immaturity. Sure, I am mature in some aspects of life, but this is a large one that I really need to improve on.

I am sure that there is some event from my childhood that can explain why I am the way I am today but I need to stop now. I have not practiced steno ALL weekend and will most likely be lost tomorrow.

hey lets sign this waiver so we can be on MTV!

So last night I ended up going to fushimi with V, our PM (person who brought our class into the sorority) and two other girls. They have $1 drinks from 12-1 every Thursday night and I have always been meaning to go. MTV has been filming this new show called Bridge and Tunnel which is kind of like the new Jersey Shore only its about Staten Island people who recently graduated college and are looking to make it big. So of course they have to be filming there the one week I go. So the place was filled to the brim with your typical Staten Island douchebags, including Angelina from Jersey Shore. I actually went to college with one of the people being filmed so just as I love watching Jersey Shore, I will be tuning into Bridge and Tunnel as well. It was just really refreshing to hang out with some girls that I normally don't see as often and I love getting all dolled up and going out. The fact that Fushimi has AMAZING sangria certainly did not hurt it. Just our luck, one of the retards happen to try to have a drunken conversation with us, so they ambushed us to sign waivers so if MTV airs that particular moment they wouldn't have to blur our faces.

So as I was there of course I was people watching and I claim to the conclusion that I am a well-dressed fat girl! I am being dead serious, I looked cute last night with jeans that fit me and a shirt that flattered me. I was not showing any of my bad areas, AKA stuff that NO ONE, myself included, wants to see. I saw girls that were my size and wore ridiculous things. My favorite one for the night was a teal, satin, SKIN TIGHT tank top. Its not about not having confidence, its about knowing what looks right.

Also, I got to thinking... I am WAY too tired of being fat. I mean I do have some confidence, I am fine talking with guys and I love going out with friends but I am sure my confidence will improve if I was thinner. I was thinking of doing Jenny Craig because I've heard of people being successful on but I'm not sure, it is really expensive and didn't Kirstie Alley like gain ALL of that weight back!? I don't know, I just need to do something and I need it to be strict because if I have too much freedom, I will screw up.

House Keeping!

So since I've stopped abandoning this blog I decided to do some house-keeping. I cleaned up my tags, since I had like 10 million of them and just over all made it more "reader friendly". So, enjoy! Welcome to the new followers that I have! You might want to check out the links on the side to get a better idea of who I am and where I am coming from.

Today was Teacher Appreciation Day and since two of my three teachers for today were not going to be in, I took a mental health day! It was so great to wake up at 9 as opposed to 5:30 and I truly feel relaxed and refreshed.

No real updates in my life at the moment, its been a crazy week but my weekend has started so I will definitely update on what happens!

an advertisement of sorts...

So Meg from Life of Meg came up with this AWESOME idea of a Mingle Party, as a way for people to find more followers/blogs to read! Join in on the fun here!

LUUUUCCYYYY... You got some 'splainin to do

When I was younger I was OBSESSED with I Love Lucy to the point that it was annoying. I would watch the show EVERY night on Nick at Nite and would run around quoting funny things that Lucy had said. I was an odd child, to put it lightly. I was a poorly-socialized only child who craved attention and always wanted to make people laugh. At nearly 23, you can still say the same thing about me. Only, I have much better social skills and am a LOT less annoying now (although I do have my moments).

I was killing time online before and found out that there is a musuem dedicated to Lucy and Desi. It is in Jamestown NY, which is Lucille Ball's hometown. The website also includes a list of Lucy-related places to visit. Only problem is, its a good seven hours away so this trip will most likely require a weekend. I don't care though, my list of things-to-do has clearly been updated!

A small update on the prospects from eHarmony - Bachelor #1 actually tried to impress me by knowing where Vinny from the Jersey Shore's "crib" was (YES, HE ACTUALLY SAID CRIB!) so yeah, kind of a turn-off. Bachelor #2 (met through a co-worker) is on a cruise (LUCKY FUCK) and Bachelor #3 (guy from Boston) told me he was going to call me tonight but did not - so he might not be that into me. Eh, oh well.

BACK TO LUCY! I leave you with one of my ALL time favorite Lucy moments. This scene actually held the record at the time for the longest studio audience laugh.

cause he's still preoccupied with 19, 19, 1999

So, so far eHarmony has not been THAT bad. I have a handful of prospects lined up, all of which seem... promising. This entry (and title) is going to be dedicated to bachelor #1, a salesman who also lives in Staten Island. We were matched on Saturday and went through the usual motions (guided communication) that eHarmony has to offer and eventually we made it through to emails and now text messaging. He is physically attractive, however he is my height, something that I usually do not go for. Still, he does seem really nice.

There is just one, slight issue. He is a few years older than me which is NO big deal but the language he uses kind of turns me off. For example, yesterday we were talking about random things and he totally went off topic and exclaimed that whole foods was "da bomb". Now I'm sure that I once had a Lisa Frank folder or two with J.T.T. IS THE BOMB written on it but then again it 1995 and I was EIGHT. Also, he guessed which bank I work for (when he said how it became obvious) and mentioned the ever-so-wonderful Penny Arcade. I LOATHE Penny, especially after having to deep clean her today. He then went on to say "I hate those peeps (UM HOLY SHIT... PEEPS?!) who come in with the huge water bottle", referring to the customers who come in with a plastic water jug filled with coins. Oh dear, eHarmony. What have you done?!

Needless to say, I'm no longer excited about this one. Also one of his "can't stands" is a girl who is judgemental... LOL is all I have to say about that one. I am going to give this one a shot though because really, what is there to lose? If anything, it will probably make for a fabulous story. Stay tuned...