Obviously I realize that I am crazy. Not only is it my twitter name but it is also the title and theme of my blog. I can't say that I am proud of it but I have definitely accepted myself for who I am. A fucking loon. I took a drive with my cousin Ms. Pulitzer to drop her grandmother off at home and we had a lovely discussion about this and the childhood events that could be blamed for my insanity. I figured since this is the season of giving and the fact that I have nothing better to do at the moment, I will share (some of) them.
1) I was not a planned baby.
Since my mother feels the need to hide basic details from me, I had no idea about this until some time last year when Ms. Pulitzer and her mom (my loving Aunt) just casually mentioned it in convo, thinking I had known about it. My mother was not my father's first wife. Actually she's not his second either. Or his third or fourth. For the mathematically challenged individuals out there, she was his fifth wife. Their wedding was his sixth though since he married his first wife twice.1 When my father was married to his first wife they had three children; two daughters and a son. Unfortunately two days before Christmas their son (the youngest) died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Afterwards they decided they did not want to have anymore children so my father had a vasectomy. Then they divorced for whatever reasons2 and he went on to marry other women, (yadda, yadda, yadda) and then somehow ended up with my mother. There was a 15 year age difference between my parents and my mother was in her mid-thirties when they met and married so my father was no spring chicken then. Now since we really are not close, I don't know how my mother felt about marrying a man who was only nine years her mother's junior much less one who had already had children and was "fixed" but knowing how she is, she definitely had a lot of comments and guilt that she fed to my father. I'm not sure how my mother managed to get pregnant, maybe vasectomies were not done right in the '60s but I was born. My father had not only raised his children already but was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was very young. My mother just had no idea what she was doing and this led to me not being disciplined and getting away with anything that I tried. It was all well and good until it became time for me to go to school and be around children my age because my um, "rambunctious" behavior definitely did not attract others to me.
2. I was poorly socialized.
This ties in with reason #1. Aside from half-sisters who were in their 30s and had children of their own, I was an only child. My parents both worked and were older so they really did not give me the attention that I needed and certainly did not bothering socializing me with other children my age. Before I started school the only other children that I knew were my cousins, Ms. Pulitzer (who is all of 9 weeks younger than I am) and her older brother. Since Ms. Pulitzer and I were forever put against each other (we even have the same first name) we did not get along at all and constantly fought. Also since I was not used to being around other children I clung to her, which definitely did not help the situation. As if that wasn't enough, we moved around the corner from my cousins and my mother decided to put me in the same school as them. Now we went to a small parochial school where there was only one class per grade and about thirty students to a class, so we were together all day long. Same problem, I clung to everyone since I was not used to being around kids and ended up driving everyone away from me. I was abused in grammar school (Ms. Pulitzer, who had friends, would chime in) and would often act out just for the attention. When I say that I had no friends, I literally mean that I had no friends. Like I would sit alone during the lunch period and just wonder around during recess, while everyone else was playing. As if that was not bad enough, the minute I got into high school I decided to completely make up an entire life to mask the one I had because I felt that it would better help me to make friends. Obviously it did not and I left high school with one or two girls who I still talk to and consider a friend.
Of course there are more things that have happened in my life but when it comes down to it, they always revolve around the two reasons that I listed above. As a result of this I am still somewhat socially awkward (it has improved, trust me) and I am a fucking neurotic mess. I think this partially has to do with being an imperfect perfectionist but also because I am terrified of people not accepting me. Growing up I was so used to having the people I tried befriending not liking me or becoming sick of me (I was told this to my face) so when I finally meet those who like me, I almost get too excited and eventually end up pushing them away. To this day Minute Man is still my favorite example of this, when he figured out that I was crazy homeboy fucking took off like a bat out of hell. I almost feel bad for the new guy because well A) he has to put up with me and B) nothing that I over-think and question (yes, he gets questioned) him about has to do with him. He said it the best when he had rhetorically asked if anything he had said/done caused me to question his intentions or where this was going. They haven't. In fact, he has treated me better than most of the men I dated but because he wants to take things slowly (which if anything should be a good sign) I take it as a bad sign and think that he must be getting sick of me. Hopefully I will learn to calm the fuck down, or get my hands on a prescription for Xanax before I do end up driving this one away.
All in all, Christmas 2010 was very nice. I had a great weekend with my family and Santa treated me very well. Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!
1. I guess she was his "one true love", especially since my father was about to leave my mother but ended up dying first.
2. I have heard that my father was a philanderer and apparently had cheated on every one of his wives with the exception of my mother since he was too sick/old.
Showing posts with label in a family potrait. Show all posts
Showing posts with label in a family potrait. Show all posts
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Its always a good idea to make a blog post when you're running late.
So I had such good intentions of being on the road early, getting to East Stroudsberg (whaddup stalkers) during the early afternoon, etc… But I don't think I am going to end up leaving until at least noon. Considering I just woke up, need to pack (i.e. figure out what I am wearing tomorrow), get a quick mani/pedi and then run over to work and settle some business. Yes, I am fucking awesome when it comes to time management. Oh and my mother just texted me, apparently I have to add stopping by my uncle's repair shop to make sure my car can handle the ride. Yeah, I think we're just gonna lie about that one.
So last night I had what I would like to call an Amazing First Date. I have only had a few AFDs in my life so far so this is kind of a big deal and pretty sweet. More deets on that at a later time, I just don't have the time to write about it now and also I don't wanna talk about something until I know what it is. Just know, that it was REALLY GOOD.
I guess I will also get today's Reverb10 out of the way. Obviously I am not going to be able to do tomorrow's on time so Sunday will just be my make-up day. I actually like today's and feel that it is more relevant to my life than my blog (which is my life so that statement makes NO SENSE but whateva).
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)
In September during the week I had off from school Dora and I spent a lot of time together and explored a lot of new places (to me at least). One of the places that she took me to was the Gateway National Recreation Area (Great Kills Marina/Park/ish). We parked over by the water and stared out at the marina. It was the end of September and we were by the water so it was very windy but I did not mind. I just stood there, staring out, letting the wind mess up my hair. The water seemed like it just went on forever and the sun's reflection off of it was absolutely beautiful. Dora and I were sitting in different areas just thinking. I was reflecting on the semester that just ended and how far I had come as person in just a short period of time. I have no idea what Dora was thinking of but I hope sitting there helped her find some peace in this rough time that she is going through. Afterwards we cleaned out her trunk, took some great pictures and then explored a little more. When the weather gets warmer I would definitely love to go back out there. Who knew such beauty could exist on Staten Island?
I have a family wedding this weekend and I am kind of excited for it. This is my father's family and while I love that I have contact with them because they are my only link to them, I still need to fully warm up to them. This is my third time in 15 years being around them so I feel that its only normal. The last Pennsylvania wedding that I went to was um, different then what I was expecting so I am definitely curious to see what happens at this one.
Well, I'm off to shower/pack/complete my laundry list and definitely get a last minute cuddling session with my dog. Have a great weekend!!
So last night I had what I would like to call an Amazing First Date. I have only had a few AFDs in my life so far so this is kind of a big deal and pretty sweet. More deets on that at a later time, I just don't have the time to write about it now and also I don't wanna talk about something until I know what it is. Just know, that it was REALLY GOOD.
I guess I will also get today's Reverb10 out of the way. Obviously I am not going to be able to do tomorrow's on time so Sunday will just be my make-up day. I actually like today's and feel that it is more relevant to my life than my blog (which is my life so that statement makes NO SENSE but whateva).
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)
In September during the week I had off from school Dora and I spent a lot of time together and explored a lot of new places (to me at least). One of the places that she took me to was the Gateway National Recreation Area (Great Kills Marina/Park/ish). We parked over by the water and stared out at the marina. It was the end of September and we were by the water so it was very windy but I did not mind. I just stood there, staring out, letting the wind mess up my hair. The water seemed like it just went on forever and the sun's reflection off of it was absolutely beautiful. Dora and I were sitting in different areas just thinking. I was reflecting on the semester that just ended and how far I had come as person in just a short period of time. I have no idea what Dora was thinking of but I hope sitting there helped her find some peace in this rough time that she is going through. Afterwards we cleaned out her trunk, took some great pictures and then explored a little more. When the weather gets warmer I would definitely love to go back out there. Who knew such beauty could exist on Staten Island?
I have a family wedding this weekend and I am kind of excited for it. This is my father's family and while I love that I have contact with them because they are my only link to them, I still need to fully warm up to them. This is my third time in 15 years being around them so I feel that its only normal. The last Pennsylvania wedding that I went to was um, different then what I was expecting so I am definitely curious to see what happens at this one.
Well, I'm off to shower/pack/complete my laundry list and definitely get a last minute cuddling session with my dog. Have a great weekend!!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The best man I knew...
Today, November 11 is not only Veteran's Day but also would have been my grandfather's 84th birthday. He was an amazing man - a devoted husband, loving father and a great grandfather.
My grandfather was born on November 11, 1926 in Manhattan, New York. The son of Italian immigrants, he was the oldest of their three sons. Growing up my grandfather was best friends with one of my grandmother's brothers and the rest is history. They dated throughout their teen years and were married on September 17, 1949. My grandparents were blessed with two children, a son and a daughter and though it was not always easy, they made the best of it and provide a good life for their children.
I seriously hit the jackpot when it comes to grandfathers. I was super close to him because my mother was a daddy's girl and them being close led to him and I being close. After my father passed away my grandfather really stepped in and was a great father figure for me. He accompanied me to father/daughter dances at school, picked me up from chemistry review (read: detention) in high school and always offered his advice and listening ear.
Father/Daughter Dance 2001.
He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer when I was younger but it ended up coming back years later in 2008. After battling it for months he passed away on May 10, 2008. During that time I was taking an English class and the professor I had just changed my whole outlook on life and death. While I was crushed that I was losing a second father, I was very at peace with his death. One thing that my professor kept mentioning throughout the semester was making sure that you spent your "dash" (as in the dash between the year you were born and the year you will die) as best as you can. My grandfather was married to the love of his life for 58 years, raised and watched his two children marry and give him three grandchildren, made his only grandson a Yankees fan and had an amazing life. I cannot think of a better way that he could have spent his dash.
My grandfather loved the summer and the beach. Right now he is probably relaxing on the beach with a beer in his hand.
My grandfather was born on November 11, 1926 in Manhattan, New York. The son of Italian immigrants, he was the oldest of their three sons. Growing up my grandfather was best friends with one of my grandmother's brothers and the rest is history. They dated throughout their teen years and were married on September 17, 1949. My grandparents were blessed with two children, a son and a daughter and though it was not always easy, they made the best of it and provide a good life for their children.
I seriously hit the jackpot when it comes to grandfathers. I was super close to him because my mother was a daddy's girl and them being close led to him and I being close. After my father passed away my grandfather really stepped in and was a great father figure for me. He accompanied me to father/daughter dances at school, picked me up from chemistry review (read: detention) in high school and always offered his advice and listening ear.
Father/Daughter Dance 2001.
He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer when I was younger but it ended up coming back years later in 2008. After battling it for months he passed away on May 10, 2008. During that time I was taking an English class and the professor I had just changed my whole outlook on life and death. While I was crushed that I was losing a second father, I was very at peace with his death. One thing that my professor kept mentioning throughout the semester was making sure that you spent your "dash" (as in the dash between the year you were born and the year you will die) as best as you can. My grandfather was married to the love of his life for 58 years, raised and watched his two children marry and give him three grandchildren, made his only grandson a Yankees fan and had an amazing life. I cannot think of a better way that he could have spent his dash.
My grandfather loved the summer and the beach. Right now he is probably relaxing on the beach with a beer in his hand.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Date with the security guard - follow me young grasshopper.
So last night was my first date with the Security Guard. I worked until 8 and we agreed to meet at Chili's at 9:30 for dinner and drinks. I had a hard day at work so I was dying for some margaritas. I was slightly nervous when I got there but I definitely felt more comfortable when I saw him. He is definitely my type physically. He's a clean cut, Jersey boy. This was his first time in Staten Island which blew my mind. I've been to Jersey many times, hell I even dated someone who lived there for three years, how has he never ventured across that bridge? The conversation flowed well throughout dinner with no awkward silence. Since I had work early this morning, we did not go out after dinner. Instead we sat in his car, listened to mixes that he made (he's a DJ sometimes, for funsies I guess) and then made out for a little.
I don't know what it was about him, he's only a little over a year younger than me but I just feel so much older than he is. Maybe we are in different places in life and have had different experiences? Not sure but that is where the title of this entry comes from. Honestly it is nothing against him but I just don't feel like a relationship is going to come from this. This is so unlike me, I am usually the girl who would kill to be in a relationship with a guy after just one date. I guess I am growing up? He is a really nice guy, goodlooking and a great kisser, I might definitely keep him around but casually just to see if it goes anywhere. I'm 22 and single, why not have all the fun I can have while I still got it?
Tomorrow is Ice Crotch's birthday. Yes, I call my mother Ice Crotch. I swear though, it is all out of love. I am actually not giving her a gift tomorrow because in a few weeks I am going to finally buy myself a macbook! The special for students (yay for being a super-duper senior!) is that you buy and macbook and get an ipod touch for free. Since my mother has been dying for an ipod touch and I've been dying for a macbook, this is perfect. While this purchase will not put me in a hole per se, it definitely is not a financially responsible move. The zero interest for the first year on the card is a definite incentive though so I'm gonna to save up for a few more weeks and then put the remaining balance on that card. I have wanted a white macbook for two years now. It is a beautiful machine and I truly cannot wait to have one to call my own.
So Electric Man and I were talking earlier and we decided that one day during the week (since tomorow night it will be thunderstorming) we are going to finally meet and either go for a walk on the boardwalk or at Ft Wadsworth because it is right under the bridge and is beautiful at night. Not sure which day yet, that all depends on the whether and our schedules. While I'm still excited to finally meet this man, some of it has faded since what it was. That's only expected though, considering we've been talking for nearly a month and have still not met.
We shall wait and see ...
I don't know what it was about him, he's only a little over a year younger than me but I just feel so much older than he is. Maybe we are in different places in life and have had different experiences? Not sure but that is where the title of this entry comes from. Honestly it is nothing against him but I just don't feel like a relationship is going to come from this. This is so unlike me, I am usually the girl who would kill to be in a relationship with a guy after just one date. I guess I am growing up? He is a really nice guy, goodlooking and a great kisser, I might definitely keep him around but casually just to see if it goes anywhere. I'm 22 and single, why not have all the fun I can have while I still got it?
Tomorrow is Ice Crotch's birthday. Yes, I call my mother Ice Crotch. I swear though, it is all out of love. I am actually not giving her a gift tomorrow because in a few weeks I am going to finally buy myself a macbook! The special for students (yay for being a super-duper senior!) is that you buy and macbook and get an ipod touch for free. Since my mother has been dying for an ipod touch and I've been dying for a macbook, this is perfect. While this purchase will not put me in a hole per se, it definitely is not a financially responsible move. The zero interest for the first year on the card is a definite incentive though so I'm gonna to save up for a few more weeks and then put the remaining balance on that card. I have wanted a white macbook for two years now. It is a beautiful machine and I truly cannot wait to have one to call my own.
So Electric Man and I were talking earlier and we decided that one day during the week (since tomorow night it will be thunderstorming) we are going to finally meet and either go for a walk on the boardwalk or at Ft Wadsworth because it is right under the bridge and is beautiful at night. Not sure which day yet, that all depends on the whether and our schedules. While I'm still excited to finally meet this man, some of it has faded since what it was. That's only expected though, considering we've been talking for nearly a month and have still not met.
We shall wait and see ...
Monday, June 21, 2010
A change of spelling and scenary.
CONGRATS! If you are reading this, that means you found my new URL. If not, everyone else will follow over once they see my post on my former URL. I was just tired of seeing my spelling error and my OCD got the best of me. I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you! Your comments and support put the BIGGEST smile on my face =)
I'm a tad late with this but I do have a Father's Day post in the works. I just wanted to dig out pictures and also figure out how to use the scanner in my mom's room. Its most likely not hooked up but if it is, I will definitely use pictures for the post!
I'm a tad late with this but I do have a Father's Day post in the works. I just wanted to dig out pictures and also figure out how to use the scanner in my mom's room. Its most likely not hooked up but if it is, I will definitely use pictures for the post!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
eighteen years, eighteen years and on the eighteenth birthday found out it wasn't his
I pledged my sorority in fall 2005 and KanYe's Gold Digger was playing EVERYWHERE so every time I hear that song I am taken back to me frantically driving up campus or us in the car, nervously driving to the pledge night. I always look back on that week and smile, even though it was very difficult I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
I headed to Lane Bryant today since one of my pledge sisters was working and I am in desperate need of a new wardrobe. I did not get much, just some bras/panties/a few cocktail rings. Ice Crotch is taking me on a much needed shopping spree after work on Saturday so right now, I am a very happy camper! Also Starbucks had half priced frappucinos today so I went and got one :) That was basically all that I did today, this is my last day of my summer vacation. I did my semester end paper-sort and tomorrow between orientation and work I am going to try and tackle the disaster that is my bedroom. If I don't get to it tomorrow, then definitely Friday before work!
So... I don't know if I have ever mentioned my cousin before. I will refer to her as Ms. Pulitzer. You'll see the reason as I explain more. Its hard to explain Ms. Pulitzer in a nutshell... Just that she tends to exaggerate things to the point of being obnoxious and its even better when I know the truth through an outside source. For example, she is now working for the census (along with my BEE EFF EFF Dora the Explorer) and totally fabricated everything about her new job while I sat next to Dora who told me the TRUTH about everything. Ever since we were little Ms. Pulitzer has always tried to one-up me or make me feel that I cannot measure up to her. I have no clue why she has done this but I does not bother me anymore. One thing is that all of the sudden she is a novelist. Apparenly she has books that are waiting to be published and is consider the "writer of the family", who knew? I had no clue that books that have yet to be writen (she asked me to practice steno while typing the book as she dictates it) can already have a publisher set up, especially for a first time author. I will tell you one thing, the second this book comes out I will take a bottle of wine and read it while dying laughing. She's not all bad, she has been there for me in times when no one else has and I am forever grateful for that. Its just she makes me scratch my head sometimes.
Speaking of family writers, I know for a fact that I one day will write a book. I have had an online journal/blog since I was 12 and even before then I just loved to write and think of stories. I have no idea what my book will be about though. I just hope that I remain as ridiculous as I am now, as I get older. Not only will I have material for a fabulous book, but I can guarantee that myself and any one who is in and will come into my life (future hubby, perhaps?) will have a blast. Maybe my book will be about finding love in the city? Or how to bounce back after a divorce and date good-looking men who are 20 years younger than you.. Whatever my book is about, or what happens in my life, I can assure whomever may be concerned, that it won't be boring.
I headed to Lane Bryant today since one of my pledge sisters was working and I am in desperate need of a new wardrobe. I did not get much, just some bras/panties/a few cocktail rings. Ice Crotch is taking me on a much needed shopping spree after work on Saturday so right now, I am a very happy camper! Also Starbucks had half priced frappucinos today so I went and got one :) That was basically all that I did today, this is my last day of my summer vacation. I did my semester end paper-sort and tomorrow between orientation and work I am going to try and tackle the disaster that is my bedroom. If I don't get to it tomorrow, then definitely Friday before work!
So... I don't know if I have ever mentioned my cousin before. I will refer to her as Ms. Pulitzer. You'll see the reason as I explain more. Its hard to explain Ms. Pulitzer in a nutshell... Just that she tends to exaggerate things to the point of being obnoxious and its even better when I know the truth through an outside source. For example, she is now working for the census (along with my BEE EFF EFF Dora the Explorer) and totally fabricated everything about her new job while I sat next to Dora who told me the TRUTH about everything. Ever since we were little Ms. Pulitzer has always tried to one-up me or make me feel that I cannot measure up to her. I have no clue why she has done this but I does not bother me anymore. One thing is that all of the sudden she is a novelist. Apparenly she has books that are waiting to be published and is consider the "writer of the family", who knew? I had no clue that books that have yet to be writen (she asked me to practice steno while typing the book as she dictates it) can already have a publisher set up, especially for a first time author. I will tell you one thing, the second this book comes out I will take a bottle of wine and read it while dying laughing. She's not all bad, she has been there for me in times when no one else has and I am forever grateful for that. Its just she makes me scratch my head sometimes.
Speaking of family writers, I know for a fact that I one day will write a book. I have had an online journal/blog since I was 12 and even before then I just loved to write and think of stories. I have no idea what my book will be about though. I just hope that I remain as ridiculous as I am now, as I get older. Not only will I have material for a fabulous book, but I can guarantee that myself and any one who is in and will come into my life (future hubby, perhaps?) will have a blast. Maybe my book will be about finding love in the city? Or how to bounce back after a divorce and date good-looking men who are 20 years younger than you.. Whatever my book is about, or what happens in my life, I can assure whomever may be concerned, that it won't be boring.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
so now i see through your eyes, all that you did was love
Not the usual type of post that I would make but I think I'll give it a go.
So today is Mother's Day. Since I have a good job and for once I make a decent chunk of change, I decided to get Ice Crotch something nice for MD. I went to Macy*s (which is like my DisneyLand) with Dora and found this pretty peridot journey necklace and just my luck - it was on sale! Ice Crotch actually cried when she saw it and I'm glad I could make her happy for once! While yes, she annoys the shit out of me on a regular basis I know deep down that she is really not that bad. When I think back to all of the crazy things that I have done (and still continue to do) I realize how much my mother has had to put up with. Not to mention she had to put up with it ALONE. I think I've mentioned this before but one thing that I hope to take from my mother is her self-sufficency. She did not marry until she was older (and had time to travel when younger) and when my father passed away, she was able to bounce right back up and raise her eight year old daughter as a newly single mom. It was as if she almost did not have time to grieve because she had to work on being strong for me. We are two entirely different people and I guess that is where our fighting comes from, because neither of us really understand each other. I hardly say this but I truly appreciate and love her for all that she has done for me. Happy Mother's Day, Ice Crotch.
So finals came and went and I am officially down with St. John's!! I have never been so relieved in my life! I completely trashed theology - the class is not transferring over so who cares what my grade is?! Instead of writing a research paper relating my own personal religious experience on the class, I wrote a completely opinion-based paper on why I think catholicism is bullshit. Then since I did not study for the final, I wrote my professor a rhyming story on the paper. I figured it was better than submitting a blank test. I will probably never have the opportunity to not care again so why not make the best out of it?
Cutting this short because I am absolutely exhausted and wish to join my cuddly pug in bed!
So today is Mother's Day. Since I have a good job and for once I make a decent chunk of change, I decided to get Ice Crotch something nice for MD. I went to Macy*s (which is like my DisneyLand) with Dora and found this pretty peridot journey necklace and just my luck - it was on sale! Ice Crotch actually cried when she saw it and I'm glad I could make her happy for once! While yes, she annoys the shit out of me on a regular basis I know deep down that she is really not that bad. When I think back to all of the crazy things that I have done (and still continue to do) I realize how much my mother has had to put up with. Not to mention she had to put up with it ALONE. I think I've mentioned this before but one thing that I hope to take from my mother is her self-sufficency. She did not marry until she was older (and had time to travel when younger) and when my father passed away, she was able to bounce right back up and raise her eight year old daughter as a newly single mom. It was as if she almost did not have time to grieve because she had to work on being strong for me. We are two entirely different people and I guess that is where our fighting comes from, because neither of us really understand each other. I hardly say this but I truly appreciate and love her for all that she has done for me. Happy Mother's Day, Ice Crotch.
So finals came and went and I am officially down with St. John's!! I have never been so relieved in my life! I completely trashed theology - the class is not transferring over so who cares what my grade is?! Instead of writing a research paper relating my own personal religious experience on the class, I wrote a completely opinion-based paper on why I think catholicism is bullshit. Then since I did not study for the final, I wrote my professor a rhyming story on the paper. I figured it was better than submitting a blank test. I will probably never have the opportunity to not care again so why not make the best out of it?
Cutting this short because I am absolutely exhausted and wish to join my cuddly pug in bed!
Friday, January 29, 2010
She ain't got a man, but she's not alone
I figured this title was fitting because all of my doodling in school has consisted of either this or "Me, Myself and I". I guess doodling is limited for us single gals?
School has been going really well and I've managed to stay on top of all my assignments. This weekend is my half-sister's suprise 50th birthday party so I have to drive out to the Poconos early Sunday morning and as a result will not be going out Saturday night. Or if I do, it will be very lowkey. I will take that opportunity to do all the work I have due for next week and to get a nice, good night sleep. I have not seen them since the summer and things were a lot different then (mainly because Minute Man was in my life and it really seemed to be going somewhere) so I hope that we don't really focus on "catching up".
In that news, I still have not spoken to him and its been like a month. If he's not going to make any effort to be friends with me then I will not make any effort as well. I heard he is finally closing on his house on Monday so good luck to him if he is.
In much, much better news - I GOT A CALL BACK FROM THE BANK!! I interviewed today and I believe it went really well. Only problem might be my availablity (my class hours and the banks hours have left me available only 4 hours on two days) but the guy who interviewed me was in contact with the branch manager and will let me know by Monday if he needs me in his schedule! I'm so excited yet so, so nervous. I have never needed/wanted a job this badly before! I'm serious when I say my life will improve ten-fold. AH, well enough about that because I seriously do not want to jinx this. I have been looking in the paper everyday and it seems like the available jobs I qualify for are getting less and less each day so that's rather depressing.
I've decided to start doing weight watchers core again. Its the only thing that has really worked for me in the past and I find it the easiest to stick to. If I get this job I am going to be extremely busy so I probably would not have time for much else.
Well - those are my updates as of recently! Nothing really exciting, mainly because I am broke and can't go anywhere but hopefully this will be changing very soon!
School has been going really well and I've managed to stay on top of all my assignments. This weekend is my half-sister's suprise 50th birthday party so I have to drive out to the Poconos early Sunday morning and as a result will not be going out Saturday night. Or if I do, it will be very lowkey. I will take that opportunity to do all the work I have due for next week and to get a nice, good night sleep. I have not seen them since the summer and things were a lot different then (mainly because Minute Man was in my life and it really seemed to be going somewhere) so I hope that we don't really focus on "catching up".
In that news, I still have not spoken to him and its been like a month. If he's not going to make any effort to be friends with me then I will not make any effort as well. I heard he is finally closing on his house on Monday so good luck to him if he is.
In much, much better news - I GOT A CALL BACK FROM THE BANK!! I interviewed today and I believe it went really well. Only problem might be my availablity (my class hours and the banks hours have left me available only 4 hours on two days) but the guy who interviewed me was in contact with the branch manager and will let me know by Monday if he needs me in his schedule! I'm so excited yet so, so nervous. I have never needed/wanted a job this badly before! I'm serious when I say my life will improve ten-fold. AH, well enough about that because I seriously do not want to jinx this. I have been looking in the paper everyday and it seems like the available jobs I qualify for are getting less and less each day so that's rather depressing.
I've decided to start doing weight watchers core again. Its the only thing that has really worked for me in the past and I find it the easiest to stick to. If I get this job I am going to be extremely busy so I probably would not have time for much else.
Well - those are my updates as of recently! Nothing really exciting, mainly because I am broke and can't go anywhere but hopefully this will be changing very soon!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Eyeliner and cigarettes
One thing you'll start to notice is that a majority of my blog titles will be Lady Gaga-related. I am obsessed with Lady Gaga, she is the next Madonna. She will creep you out but she could do no wrong. I think people are frightened by her because there are not many TRUE artists out there, like her. Just my personal opinion...
Dora the Explorer and I went shopping and then to dinner and we had quite the interesting conversation. Dora and I are opposites in many ways, especially when it comes to sex and matters of the heart. You see, Dora has the ability to "have sex like a man" and seperate all feelings and emotional attachment from it. I, on the other hand, do not. I am still building my list of things to accomplish and this is one of them. One thing I am scared of is just doing this but then becoming attached to a guy who wants nothing more than a casual thing. I am also afraid of it actually being good and me being SO excited about it that I post-coitally profess my love to him, scarring myself and chosen partner for life. Refer down a few posts to get what I mean by "actually being good". Its sad but my dog has probably have better sex than I have. I say this because before we adopted her she was a puppy mill dog used for breeding. I hope to make it my year for this and one of the things I am going to do (Dora suggested this) is to make a risk of rules and limitations for when I do have casual sex and I cannot bend these rules for ANY men, because well he does not matter. I feel bad, almost as if I will be using them but maybe this is just what I need. Maybe I'll learn valuable things about relationships, like when to walk away for example. That has always been a hard thing for me. I guess we shall just stay tuned and see what happens... BTW, still have not heard from Minute Man at all this year. Just saying.
I must say, Ice Crotch (my mom, don't ask.. she's had this nickname for like three years now) is really starting to get on my nerves. It is just the little things but still they are testing my patience, which there is not a lot of to begin with. For example I like to cook recipes off of hungry girl so we do food shopping according to these recipes. I like to have a few of them prepared in advance because they are very tedious. IC usually does this for me and I asked her on Saturday to prepare two for me this week. Do you think she did? No. When I go out to eat with friends she then complains that she has nothing to eat... um, cook for yourself? Thanks. She is completely able-bodied and capable of doing this on her own, yet she does not. She does work during the week but her work consists of sitting in her chair all day, on facebook playing farmville. That is another thing. Her computer died (um, its 8 years old so OF COURSE it died) so my laptop is the sole computer in the house. I actually have to ASK to use MY laptop which was supplied to me by school. Its really getting on my nerves lately especially since I'll close my laptop with things left up (such as my blog or photobucket) and when I come back she'll be using it. I don't want her to see these things and I just feel that it is a huge invasion of privacy. Ok, I'm done ranting, I'm sure people have it much worse off than I do.
School starts in a week from Wednesday and I am BEYOND terrified. I don't want to mess up this semester like I did last semester. Seeing those grades really did not make me feel good about myself. I just hope I really learned my lesson this time because I am paying $15,000 a semester and getting mediocre grades is just not acceptable.
Well I have to go tidy up my room a little since I have trouble falling asleep when it is messy. Goodnight!
Dora the Explorer and I went shopping and then to dinner and we had quite the interesting conversation. Dora and I are opposites in many ways, especially when it comes to sex and matters of the heart. You see, Dora has the ability to "have sex like a man" and seperate all feelings and emotional attachment from it. I, on the other hand, do not. I am still building my list of things to accomplish and this is one of them. One thing I am scared of is just doing this but then becoming attached to a guy who wants nothing more than a casual thing. I am also afraid of it actually being good and me being SO excited about it that I post-coitally profess my love to him, scarring myself and chosen partner for life. Refer down a few posts to get what I mean by "actually being good". Its sad but my dog has probably have better sex than I have. I say this because before we adopted her she was a puppy mill dog used for breeding. I hope to make it my year for this and one of the things I am going to do (Dora suggested this) is to make a risk of rules and limitations for when I do have casual sex and I cannot bend these rules for ANY men, because well he does not matter. I feel bad, almost as if I will be using them but maybe this is just what I need. Maybe I'll learn valuable things about relationships, like when to walk away for example. That has always been a hard thing for me. I guess we shall just stay tuned and see what happens... BTW, still have not heard from Minute Man at all this year. Just saying.
I must say, Ice Crotch (my mom, don't ask.. she's had this nickname for like three years now) is really starting to get on my nerves. It is just the little things but still they are testing my patience, which there is not a lot of to begin with. For example I like to cook recipes off of hungry girl so we do food shopping according to these recipes. I like to have a few of them prepared in advance because they are very tedious. IC usually does this for me and I asked her on Saturday to prepare two for me this week. Do you think she did? No. When I go out to eat with friends she then complains that she has nothing to eat... um, cook for yourself? Thanks. She is completely able-bodied and capable of doing this on her own, yet she does not. She does work during the week but her work consists of sitting in her chair all day, on facebook playing farmville. That is another thing. Her computer died (um, its 8 years old so OF COURSE it died) so my laptop is the sole computer in the house. I actually have to ASK to use MY laptop which was supplied to me by school. Its really getting on my nerves lately especially since I'll close my laptop with things left up (such as my blog or photobucket) and when I come back she'll be using it. I don't want her to see these things and I just feel that it is a huge invasion of privacy. Ok, I'm done ranting, I'm sure people have it much worse off than I do.
School starts in a week from Wednesday and I am BEYOND terrified. I don't want to mess up this semester like I did last semester. Seeing those grades really did not make me feel good about myself. I just hope I really learned my lesson this time because I am paying $15,000 a semester and getting mediocre grades is just not acceptable.
Well I have to go tidy up my room a little since I have trouble falling asleep when it is messy. Goodnight!
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