I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

I don't know what it is but right now I feel that I am really confused about my life right now. This explains my lack of posts because I simply do not know what to write about. I thought that it was just a writer's block but then I realized that I am in a total living-block. That and the fact that I cannot write with the freedom I would like to because of the people from my personal life that read this blog. If you think that I am talking about you, well guess what? I am ; )

Well, with that snarky comment said, back to the real reason for this post. I am definitely on the right track with school (even though I overslept and missed steno class today. I seriously have issues) and with Jenny Craig but I feel that my personal life is very up in the air. I don't have a man in my life and that is something that I am beginning to accept again. I am no longer sad or blaming myself for things not working out with that guy and have learned to see that it is was not meant to work out.

I have a lot of uncertainty happening in my friends circle though. As a result of recent events, I am seriously considering cutting a large number of people out of my life. I cannot go into detail because of the people who might read this but it has come down to a respect issue. If you do not have respect for me then I seriously do not need you in my life. Most people do not know that I feel this way because I don't care enough about my relationship with them to frustrate myself with the confrontation. That alone speaks volumes about why these people should be cut out of my life. Of course not everyone will be cut, just those who give me more grief than happiness. Also, I feel that I am drifting further and further apart from my best friend. This is another situation that I have bottled up but not because I don't care enough to mend this, I simply don't want to burden her with my feelings. She has had a rough time this past year (really these past 6-8 months) and I don't want to do anything that might contribute to it. I love her to death though, nothing will ever change that and I know that we will get through this because we are best friends and this is what best friends do - they get through things. I just feel bad because I have not been reaching out to her as much because of this. I do not want to risk being short with her or God forbid, bringing this up, because again - she has way too much going on right now.

I just realized something (while writing this post) about myself. I avoid confrontation. In some ways, this could be a good trait but like everything else, I have taken it to an extreme. I avoid confrontation to the point that I rarely stand up for myself. That does not make me the bigger person of the situation, that actually makes me a coward. I could go on and on about how that guy was a coward because instead of acknowledging there was a problem, he slinked off but in reality - he was just doing what I normally do. I never realized how much of a hypocrite I am. I know this is supposed to be the year of finding myself (and becoming a whore) but I had no idea that I would find so many unattractive personality traits. I knew that I wasn't perfect but shit, I had no clue that I was this bad. I certainly have to mature and how to interact with other people and there is no better time than the present.

I hope everything starts to fall into place soon. A horoscope that I read back in January stated that I would have some personal drama (if you can call this that) in my life but will not see a reason for it until the end of the year. So here's hoping...

Its always a good idea to make a blog post when you're running late.

So I had such good intentions of being on the road early, getting to East Stroudsberg (whaddup stalkers) during the early afternoon, etc… But I don't think I am going to end up leaving until at least noon. Considering I just woke up, need to pack (i.e. figure out what I am wearing tomorrow), get a quick mani/pedi and then run over to work and settle some business. Yes, I am fucking awesome when it comes to time management. Oh and my mother just texted me, apparently I have to add stopping by my uncle's repair shop to make sure my car can handle the ride. Yeah, I think we're just gonna lie about that one.

So last night I had what I would like to call an Amazing First Date. I have only had a few AFDs in my life so far so this is kind of a big deal and pretty sweet. More deets on that at a later time, I just don't have the time to write about it now and also I don't wanna talk about something until I know what it is. Just know, that it was REALLY GOOD.

I guess I will also get today's Reverb10 out of the way. Obviously I am not going to be able to do tomorrow's on time so Sunday will just be my make-up day. I actually like today's and feel that it is more relevant to my life than my blog (which is my life so that statement makes NO SENSE but whateva).

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

In September during the week I had off from school Dora and I spent a lot of time together and explored a lot of new places (to me at least). One of the places that she took me to was the Gateway National Recreation Area (Great Kills Marina/Park/ish). We parked over by the water and stared out at the marina. It was the end of September and we were by the water so it was very windy but I did not mind. I just stood there, staring out, letting the wind mess up my hair. The water seemed like it just went on forever and the sun's reflection off of it was absolutely beautiful. Dora and I were sitting in different areas just thinking. I was reflecting on the semester that just ended and how far I had come as person in just a short period of time. I have no idea what Dora was thinking of but I hope sitting there helped her find some peace in this rough time that she is going through. Afterwards we cleaned out her trunk, took some great pictures and then explored a little more. When the weather gets warmer I would definitely love to go back out there. Who knew such beauty could exist on Staten Island?

I have a family wedding this weekend and I am kind of excited for it. This is my father's family and while I love that I have contact with them because they are my only link to them, I still need to fully warm up to them. This is my third time in 15 years being around them so I feel that its only normal. The last Pennsylvania wedding that I went to was um, different then what I was expecting so I am definitely curious to see what happens at this one.

Well, I'm off to shower/pack/complete my laundry list and definitely get a last minute cuddling session with my dog. Have a great weekend!!

Holy shit… This thing is never coming off

So on Saturday I did something that is not me. Something that I swore I would never, EVER do… No, I did not have a one-night stand - I GOT A FRIGGIN TATTOO! My father was a sailor and had many tattoos, one being a naked woman on his arm and um lets just say when HE got older, she did as well. He also had his name on one set of knuckles and his first wife's name on the other and when I was little I would ALWAYS ask when they were getting back together. My mother loved that. As a result of that I kind of swore off tattoos and any kind of major body modification. That is until Friday where I somehow grew the balls to want a tattoo. I was debating between a pink heart or a little ladybug on my wrist but I am definitely happy with what I ended up getting.



If you cannot tell, that is the Open Hearts Collection by Jane Seymour (yanno, Dr. Quinn). When Tight Wad and I first broke up I was OBSESSED with this collection and the quote If your heart is open it will never stay broken and not only with that but I have also had an open heart towards other things in my life and I feel that it has helped me get through them. I love it and I feel that the tattoo is very "Nikki Jo". I am already thinking about my next one but I am not sure where I should put it …

Today was the first FULL day off (from both work AND school) that I have had off in a long time. What did I accomplish? Absolutely NOTHING. My room is still slightly messy (blasphemy) and I have yet to do my laundry. Whatever, I still managed to sleep 10 hours, get my nails done and spend $40 to rebound a book that cost me $60. I also spent some much needed time with Dora! I had not seen her in almost two weeks and even though we could not go roaming today (stupid early sunset) we went out to dinner at Chevy's and discovering that our Angel was hired back! It made our reunion THAT much more meaningful. We just happen to have one of those friendships where we could go weeks without seeing each other and just sort of pick right back up from where we left off. I know she is going through a really tough time right now but I would hope that she knows that no matter what I will FOREVER be there for her.

Easy semester? Well shit I spoke too soon.

I had such a relaxing week off. I got most of what I wanted accomplished, my room is nearly done and I am just waiting on my corner piece which has been backordered until early November. I decided to cap off the week by driving down to Lancaster, PA to visit Marathoner and her husband at their new house. I woke up really early and it took me about 2-2 1/2 hours to get there. Not bad, just a very boring drive to do alone. We had a lot of fun and it was great to see them and catch up. We went to the outlets and I kind of went crazy in Coach. Like $300 worth of crazy. I guess I could justify it with the fact that I got a lot of school and if I paid retail I would have spent over $700. I ended up FINALLY getting a brown bag that I loved and got a really good deal on it. After that debacle they took me out to dinner for my birthday which was great since we ended up missing each other's birthday celebrations because of life getting in the way. Instead of going out we ended up spending a quiet evening at their house playing guitar hero, rummy 500 and monopoly with Marathoner's mother and friend. It was a lot cheaper than going out drinking and definitely made it much easier to wake up Sunday morning. I guess I just really needed a nice, relaxing end to my mini vacation and that is exactly what I got. Also, I realized that playing guitar hero could help improve my finger dexterity which would overall help me build speed so I guess I will be practicing more after all.

So the semester started again today. I seriously could not believe that I was waking up for school again this morning especially with this shitty weather that we have been having. I was fine in my medical terminology class and can even be quoted saying that I felt that this was going to an easy semester. That all changed when I walked into my steno class. The way this class is set up is that for the first 10 lessons we have theory and then we start learning how to build speed. I like our teacher so far, today he actually introduced us to a new way of sitting which has improved my writing. Then came the fun part - the homework. Now don't get me wrong, last semester our teacher did assign us homework but nothing like this guy. Today was just the first day and already he has us doing two lessons, two times each. Unfortunately, I can't just wing it and do the homework between my breaks anymore, I actually have to practice. I knew this point would come sooner or later. Well, goodbye social life... It was fun while it lasted!

So far my predictions for the semester are - A) I go for a drive, park my car on the lower level of the Verrazano Bridge¹ and decide to take a swim or B) I will become completely dependent on Adderall causing me to have a Jessie Spano-like freak out at 4AM while practicing. Lets just hope that no innocent bystanders will be harmed during this term.



_{1. Ironically there is a sign that reads Life is worth living at the entrance of that bridge. Apparently that is THE bridge to jump off of if you live in Staten Island.}

fuck you, fuck you very very much

So last night Dora and I had some much-needed alone time and where else to spend it but Chevy's. As of Friday Dora became FUNemployed so we had to go out and celebrate how much life is shitting on her at the moment. We ended up requesting our new favorite waiter Angel. He remembered us and we really had great conversation with him and OMG he is just fucking fabulous. I die. Dora and I were telling him about when we worked in a restaurant in high school (this is how we met) which turned into the three of us exchanging crazy stories. Apparently Angel, who is not one for hiding his sexuality (not that he should have to) and has actually faced discrimination for it at work. I could not believe that he has actually had tables call him a "fucking faggot" and to his face, no less. I was happy to hear that he comes from a very open family who accepted him for who he is but I just wish that he could have that everywhere he goes. He is just there to make money, plain and simple and that is something that everyone needs to get by.

This almost reminds me of when I was in high school. I went to a catholic all-girls high school and girls were famous for being gay there, almost to the point of it being the cool thing to do. I remember speaking to a girl in my classes about my dreams for getting married and having this lavish wedding and she turned around and said that she had the same dream, only she was not able to see it come true, based on who she loves. That was kind of my wake-up call to realize how unfair it really was. I feel that I would be the same person, regardless if I was gay or straight. That means that I would still want my dream wedding and to think that I could be denied this and basically a right to my happiness is almost sickening. A few years ago for speech class I did a persuasive speech on the sanctity of marriage and basically in my research realized how that all is a bunch of bullshit. I mean hell, I know of a couple (straight) who was married in May and is already getting a divorce. It is almost like marriage is a joke to us and it is kind of like a slap in the face to same sex couples because we are abusing something that they are not allowed to do. Marriage should not be just between a man and a woman but between two people who love each other. I guess I am speaking to the choir here. Its funny because I consider myself to be a person with conservative views as far as politics are concerned but this is just something that I feel is not right. Like who the hell am I to judge if someone can marry their true love or not. Another reason why this is on my mind is because of LZ. I'm not even going to say who she is to me in my life because God forbid someone finds this post but she is in love with another girl. I doubt she is a lesbian because as long as I've known her she has been attracted to men and she still is but she just happened to fall in love with a girl. The very sad part is that very few people know about this. It just makes me think back to my first love, everyone in this world knew about Tight Wad and how excited/happy I was. LZ feels the exact same way only she cannot share it with the people she is closest to, her family. She comes from an extremely conservative family (her and her siblings have not had a sip of alcohol until their 21st birthdays) and she fears that once they find out about her relationship (its been almost 5 months) they will kick her out of her house. Its strange because while I am so happy for them (they are ADORABLE together) I just feel so sad for them all at the same time.

After Dora and I left Chevy's the financial situation left us listening to Lily Allen in the car for a while. I am her new biggest fan, her songs are absolutely amazing! One of them in particular just summed up the conversation for the evening and ended up being the title of this post. This is just the way that I see things, I am a very conservative person, especially with topics such as welfare and immigration but others I feel that as long as you are not hurting others/the economy, which in turn hurts others - then you should be free to live your life as you please. The only thing that offends me about Angel is that he has better eyebrows than I do. But his are drawn on, so he's a little cheater at that one. I'm gonna get all Dr. Martin Luther King on ya'll but I sincerely hope that the world that my children live in is better than the one we are in now.

Santa rides a bike and Elvis has clearly never left this building

Well last week was filled with more drama than I would ever like to be present. On Friday, an alumni member on my tree had a BBQ and invited a whole bunch of active girls, including their absentee president. I saw a lot of girls that I have not seen all summer and at one point I actually felt like I was Don Corleone on the day of my daughter's wedding because I kept having private (drama filled) conversations with girls off to the side. First up, my twin! I have not seen/spoken to her since the beginning of the summer so it was just really good to catch up with her. She is someone that I feel that I could trust and I just loved catching up with her. Next was my little, unfortunately this conversation was not so successful. She just denied everything and made it seem like people were spreading all of these rumors about her. Now, I'm sure that some of what I heard was exaggerating but I cannot believe that everything was a lie. I'm just even more disappointed in her because she did not own up to ONE thing. I would have had a lot more respect for her if she did. I guess she truly is not who I thought she was. The next up, my poor little little! Basically she never felt that she had a big to begin with so she really does not know what to miss. I told her how I would always be there for her and she could come to me no matter what. Saturday was the meeting and not much happened there. Just the president giving a huge sob story about her life and promising to do better next term. They did make some changes though regarding the elections for next semester, which might change things for the better. Unfortunately, my little did not attend this meeting. Instead she felt it necessary to play jenga (or so I've been told) with a girl in another sorority. Now, the sorority has not had a meeting in months and you were under the impression that your president was either going to step down or be impeached, isn't this a meeting that you feel would be important to attend? Seriously, I do not get it...

So Saturday night after the meeting me, Z and B went into the city to celebrate B's 23rd birthday. We went to the Trailer Park Lounge in Chelsea and it was kind of hysterical. The place looks like a legit trailer park, complete with a mobile home right in the middle of the bar. We had a good time and drank terribly strong margaritas. Since we did not eat dinner, we decided to get something at the bar and the food was just as trash-tastic. I had (burnt) mac and cheese and tater tots and felt like a kid again. The decor was also amazing. It was as if they raided every garage sale on the east coast for the tackiest shit that they could find. My favorites included the random displaced Christmas decorations click and Santa ridin' dirty click. Also, there was Elvis memorabilia EVERYWHERE. Since Z needed to leave early I caught a ride home with her (I had work the next morning) and was in bed by 2 - no hangover for me at work!

I'm definitely glad that I got to spend a lot of time with my sorority sisters this week but next time I would like to do so, minus the drama. Tonight I am most likely closing and then going for coffee with my big and twin!

Z and I have decided that on September 1 (next week!) we are going to join Weight Watchers. I cannot tell you how many times I have joined but I seriously want to make a change in my life. Let's just hope I follow through with it this time ...

Idk, my bff Angel?

Yesterday I ended up taking a mental health day and Dora did as well! We had a much needed bonding day where we both spent way too much money. We started out small, getting our nails done and for the first time in a very long time, I got tips. They are very short because I cannot type with long nails. This is just so they don't break/chip and I actually really like them. Then we turned our madness over to the state of New Jersey and things started to get a little funny.

We first went to Marshalls where I found a cute little trunk for my room and OMG!? my favorite Kathy Van Zeeland wallet but in ZEBRA. So of course I had to fucking buy it. Omg, amazing and only $20. I'm in love. Who needs a man? Seriously, a vibrator and my Visa (credit card that is, not a document stating that I am allowed to be in this country) are all I need to get by. If needed, I'll adopt a baby from Korea because they are adorable. Ok, back to my post...

We then ventured over to Chevy's and that is where the fun began. Dora and I frequent Chevy's to the point of us recognizing (and they do us as well) host/wait staff. Yesterday we had a waiter that I had never seen before. Enter Angel... Instead of my making up a name I will just use his drag queen pseudonym. Angel came over to our table while Dora was in the bathroom and DIED over my wallet (I had a tendency to change wallets/sort receipts at the table at restaurants) and I knew right then and there, that this was love. You see, I need a gay best friend. I need a man who is just a big of a bitch as I am to give me advice. He could make fun of others with me and then turn around and bring me back down to earth when I'm freaking over some asshole that is in my life. I want a boy that I could go shopping with (since my style tends to err towards the side of flamboyant), stare at hot guys with and of course, to go out and make fun of less fortunate looking people with. I definitely need a man like that in my life. I was thinking of posting an ad for one on craigslist and seeing how far that gets me. So for the entire meal Dora and I sat there trying to figure out how we would convince Angel to join our wolfpack. You see, I've never asked a man out before, much less a gay one so I was very nervous. We ended up telling him how fabulous he was and asking him out. He works at deko in Jersey (think the cast of Jersey Shore, going there when they were underage) and gave us his number so maybe one day we might pay him a visit, (hopefully) get drunk for free and then see who can stand on one foot while touching their nose to determine who drives home.

Today I am meeting up with B for lunch since she has an interview this morning in midtown and then after school I have a training class at work and afterwards I will be attending a much needed bitchfest with some more of my favorite sorority sisters. I will be seeing some girls that I have not seen in way too long and I cannot wait for that!

Oh, I need some advice! Since my skin thinks that I am 12 and not 22, I have a slight situation regarding blemishes/mild acne. Ten years ago I would have used proactive to treat this but since that stuff does have an expiration date, I have nothing on hand. I was thinking of trying Zeno since the ads featuring Whitney Port managed to grab my attention. I also basically have spots/giant random pimples so a spot treatment like that seems best. Has anyone tried this?! Does it work!? Please comment, regardless if you follow/normally read me or not! Thank you so much!

a blog with no name...

So I still have not come up with an appropriate title or theme for my blog. I have had a few ideas but the consensus was that they were not going to work. I don't know how people have come up with these great names or have made those cute little cartoon-like headings. I just don't feel like "A Single Girl in the City..." is the best way to describe what is written in this blog. Granted, I mention living a single life and dabbling into the dating world and promiscuity but that is not what it I am all about. I am many things, mainly a girl who has a fucked up sense of humor, and is a neurotic nut-case who overreacts to any and everything that happens in her life. I'm a complete mess but at the same time, I have my shit together (for now). I am way to sensitive for my own good and the good of anyone who is involved in my life. I swear a lot and have an uncanny way of wording things. I am also the dumbest brunette one would ever meet. Just yesterday I asked a co-worker if a cardboard box was recyclable. Yet at the exact same time I will reference things such as the First Battle of Saigon and an Amish teen's Rumspringa in everyday language. If I cannot put a label on myself or my personality, how the hell am I supposed to put one on a blog that is about my life?

Perhaps I am thinking way too much into this ...

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming... Yesterday Ice Crotch and I took Marathoner out for her birthday. We went to Arirang and afterwards I went over Marathoner's to keep her company as she packed up her room. Next month her and her husband are moving back to Pennsylvania, for good. It did not really hit me until seeing her pack her closet. We did not really see each other often because of conflicting schedules but now it is going to be even harder now that she is not living two blocks away. Of course I am sad about this but I do realize that it is the best for her and her family. i just feel like it is so sudden. I knew that it was a possibility but down the road, not in 5 weeks. I was fine yesterday but I know I probably am going to lose it as it comes closer and closer. She is one of those people that I know are always going to be in my life. She is not only my sorority sister but she is one of my very best friends. I was in her wedding and I know that she will be in mine. As we danced at her wedding, I told her that I would bring my kids up to visit her and her kids in PA. and I meant that. I really cannot say that many people in my life will be here forever, so when I do say it, you best believe I mean it.

So, tell me about one of those special people in your lives!

I wanna be a stenographer, so freakin' bad.

I just checked my dashboard and wow, I have 30 followers? That's freakin' amazing! I feel like the little writer that could over here. Well, Willkommen! I hope you enjoy your stay!

I have a few things to look forward to in the near future -

Thursday: After work I am going over my high school friend's house. She's probably the only girl I graduated with that I am still friendly with. If you went to my high school (doesn't matter what year), you would understand this. She called me yesterday and we spent an hour or so catching up and made plans to have a Degrassi marathon. I spent many of my weekends at her house and we would watch the show religiously so it will definitely be a blast from the past.
Friday/Saturday: Not sure yet but I best be hanging out with Dora at least one day!
Monday: I GET MY NEW MACHINE!! Seriously I think you have to be a court reporting student to understand how major (fuck I need to stop watching Rachel Zoe) this is. I will definitely post pictures of my current loaner machine/new machine so you can get a visual. Also, I get the results back for the test that I am taking today so I'm sort of excited/nervous for that as well.

I will also be registering for classes next semester so I'm excited for that as well. (yes, shut up! I'm a fucking nerd!) It kind of sucks though, since I transferred in a lot of my credits I am done with all of my general requirements. Since I'm technically ahead, many of the classes that I need to take I cannot because they don't fit into schedule with the level I am in. The way that it looks, I can only take Medical and Legal terminology (two separate classes) and my steno class next semester. The school highly recommends that I do not take those classes together because they each require a lot of memorization. However, I am not only taking two classes next semester (recommended is three), that is just plain ridiculous. I'd rather take the difficult classes when I am still in the easier levels of steno that do not require me to practice at home for hours on end. Lets face it, if I am trying to build up my speed, I am not going to want to memorize medical terms for some class.

Sorry, that was a paragraph that not many (if any) of you will understand. Looks like I am going to have even less free time next term. OH what ever will the Security Guard do?! Speaking of which, I still have not heard from either boy and I am being completely honest when I say that I do not care. I am going to enjoy being single for as long as I can so bring on the drunken hookups/shameless behavior! Bring on those nights when you are freezing in bed and only have your pillow or pet to cuddle up to and those flowers that I will not be receiving on my birthday/Valentine's Day. I guess each side has their pros and cons but right now, this is what works best for me.

I'm thinking of doing a Way Back Wednesday post today! Please leave me any ideas of what to do it on! Thank you!

If you ever felt that I was normal, I am here to prove you wrong.

Seriously! I feel that I am so wishy-washy right now when it comes to these two guys. Usually I am one of those girls who craves male attention, to the point that I receive an instant high from it. Right now, I have two guys who I am attractive to, that are interested in me. The needy psychopath inside of me is just beaming and jumping for joy but on the outside? I am calm and as cool as a cucumber. Maybe I am growing older? Being more selective? Not sure but I think this change might be for the better. Maybe I'll finally learn how to separate sex from emotions? That IS on my Knot List, along with dating two men simultaneously. Also, I just checked that list and with the purchase of the new MacBook (last time I mention this thing, I promise) I have doubled my credit card debt. Womp, womp.

I also feel that I may have valid reasons (other than just being a psychotic whore) to not have a high level of excitement over either guy. Electric Man for one has canceled twice 1/2 times on me already (I'll explain the 1/2 in one minute) for our first date/meetup and we've been talking for over a month already. There is just so much attraction/excitement that you can build over emails and texts and I think that we maxed that out within the first week of speaking. Long story short, it faded a little (on my end at least) but I feel that given these circumstances, it was natural. To think, I was excited about this one too! Now, the Security Guard did something last night that really put me off. We started talking sometime last week (I'd like to say Wednesday) and had our first date/meetup on Friday. All went well, said we would definitely do it again. I had fake plans this weekend because I felt that we were not at that level yet where I give up both of my weekend plans for you. Plus I did make tentative plans with Dora that ended up falling through so its not like I lied, I just twisted the truth a little. We texted more or less all day Saturday and all day Sunday and yesterday since I was busy I did not get to text him. I got home from school and went for mani/pedi/shopping/dinner/foolishness with Dora so when he ended up texting me at around 5 I did not get back to him until around 10 when I got home. We did the normal "Hey what's up?" and when I answered he simply stated "I feel like this is going nowhere." Now, of course I knew what he was referring to but I played a-loaf just for his sake, hoping that he really did not mean it. He feels that we are getting nowhere with this because I am busy or he's busy. Mind you, valid point, however... WE JUST MET ON FRIDAY. We met within three days. Its not like I pulled an Electric Man on him and had no time to speak to him/canceled three times already, I just did not text him back until five hours later. We had made tentative plans for Wednesday, which he then canceled because something with his friend needed him and ended with how he was going to be busy too next month when he started fire school. Ok, his point? Shit happens. Granted, I am a busy little bumble bee but I am probably one of the least busy people I know. So I explained that my life is going to be like this for a while, at least another two years and he never answered. Maybe he came to his senses and realized what a little needy bitch he was being?

Seriously, I am going to put on my ad Wanted: A man who has balls and is not a needy little bitch. See how much response I get from that one!

So over the weekend Electric Man and I had made tentative (and weather permitting) plans to go for a walk somewhere on the island. Dora had taken an impromptu sick day from work so we ended up going out. I have not seen her in almost a week so I was not holding out on my possible plans. I get a text from him at around 7 from him canceling again because he had to do something for work. He only gets a 1/2 though because technically I canceled first. He then explained that I caught him at the worst time and how his life is really hectic right now so I simply said to just let me know when it calms down a bit. See, I'm not crazy like the Security Guard, I cannot even imagine what he would have done in my shoes.

I just don't get how normally I would kill for this male attention, to the point of dropping our things (and people) to make plans with guys and do anything in the world to make sure they don't lose interest, which is really counter-productive when you think about it. I just feel like I don't know what I want anymore and that alone is something that is making me crazy.

So I guess my search continues...

Oh sweet, sweet, morning off…

Since I have come to the conclusion that I must not be worthy of a full day off, I am trying to enjoy my six hours off that I am lucky enough to have every Friday morning. This morning was great, I woke up around 9AM and actually had a filling, healthy breakfast for once. All was well until I had to waste an hour of my morning off on the phone with Time Warner Cable. Frankly, I am sick of it. My internet connection is so unreliable and the truth is, I had constant internet access only when I stole it off of one of my neighbors. Either they figured me out or their box is off because I have not been able to find it in a few weeks.

So tonight I have my first date with the Security Guard and I am actually kind of nervous. I don't know what kind of nervous I am but I just know that I am un-easy about something. I've never done this before. I mean I've met men from the internet before (Tight Wad) but this was after a full week of talking and I went with Dora to meet him (I was 18 at the time). This just all feels very, sudden to me. I guess this is how online dating works though? I don't know...

Has anyone had an experience with an online dating site and meeting people off them? If so, kindly comment with some advice/inspiration. My email goes to my phone so I will definitely be able to read your comments. Thank you!!

PS - Instead of offering to come into work early today, I am actually going to the gym. Who am I? Seriously!

i feel pretty, oh so pretty

So I took a little extra time to really do my makeup nice this morning. Actually, scratch that, I did my makeup the same excessive way I do every day but this morning I did something different, I put lipgloss on. WHO KNEW that something as simple as putting lipgloss on could boast one's confidence at least 10%?! I wear the same full face of makeup day in and day out and never leave the house without feeling pretty, yet all it takes it some pink goop on my lips and VIOLA! I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

OH I FEEL PRETTY and WITTY AND BRIGHT! AND I PITY...

OK, back to the post.

Last night Electric Man cancelled on me, again for work-related purposes. Now honestly, I don't blame him because I would have done the same thing but at the same time, how many times does he think this is going to fly? I mean the poor thing has already used up two of his three strikes and I have not even met him yet. Last night Dora definitely brought up some valid points for this, that maybe he is nervous/weary about this because he did not go on the website to look for a girl, he just happened to stumble across my ad. I totally respect that and all but let's face fact here, I am fucking amazing. Somewhat insane but still, amazing. It really would be his loss if he chooses to not pursue anything or see where it could go.

Let me just come off my high horse a little...

I so got to thinking at that particular ad that I posted that he responded to. It was almost a joke ad, poking fun at the Ricky Retardos that had answered my two previous ads. I did not expect any feedback except negative, which I did receive some of. I totally used my fucked up sense of humor and almost accidentally, displayed my personality in this ad and ended up getting a response from someone who appreciates it, which is exactly what I need. A recent post by Carrie Bradshaw is full of shit definitely got me thinking that if I were to write my ad on eharmony in this style, what would it say? I might include how messed up/offensive my sense of humor can get, that I love to tell stories and will never shut up, and how up until very recently I thought that Mexico was its own little entity, surrounded by water. I need a man who will enjoy my sense of humor and appreciate the quirks that I have.

I know I will find this man (or he will find me) eventually but its just annoying when something seems like it would go well and then it just does not happen. That is life though and I have a lot to be grateful for if this is my only issue right now.

Dog days of summer...

So New York City is in the middle of yet another heat wave. Normally by this time of the year, I would have a beautiful cinnamon tan and my hair would even be half a shade later. No, not this summer. If I am not at school from Mon-Thurs all day, I am at work Fri-Sun all day. It leaves me zero time to tan/relax and I have yet to go to the beach this year. One thing that I am thankful for I guess is that I work my weekends away in an air conditioned bank so when customers come in all hot and bothered, I am most likely chilled at room temperature, enjoying myself.

I am going to go ahead and blame my lack of posting on my hectic schedule and the heat. I think of great ideas for posts but I usually cannot find the time to post them. Even when I have an extra half hour to spare, I sometimes cannot find a way to start the post and get my idea across. I promise you, this will go back to normal, just like the weather. We are not even in August yet and I am already sick of this! Last summer, I would have given everything I had to make it last longer. This year? I am just counting down the days until my birthday, which also happens to be the last day of my semester. Its not like I get a break between semesters, just that one weekend but still, it will feel amazing to be done with atleast some of this program. I can't wait for the fall colors to come back in, to be able to wear my uggs again and to sip pumpkin spice lattes. Also, to celebrate my 23rd birthday. I've yet to actually celebrate my birthday like I should but I don't think I can this year, funds are still extremely low.

Speaking of low funds, Marathoner's birthday is coming up next month and she finally figured out what she wanted to do. She wants everyone to go to this casino in Bethlehem, PA. Not bad, its probably cheaper than AC. I was thinking that I would drive out there after work on Saturday (the day of) and just take off the Sunday to stay over and drive back. So that way, I would only miss one day of my weekend, where the bulk of my paycheck comes from. I found out last night that she is spending the DAY at the casino. I don't mean to sound selfish and all, I know she is one of my best friends and she IS moving back to PA this fall (more on that one later) but I simply cannot afford to take a Saturday off.

Tonight is my first date with Electric Man. It was supposed to be on Saturday but he got called in to work so tonight it is. Wish my luck, lets hope I don't fuck this one up!

its been one week since you looked at me

and also one week since I've written a post! I do apoloize, it was my summer break and I was being extremely lazy. Now that my summer vacation is over and I am back to school, I will probably be back to updating ad nauseum. You have been warned.

My, my, where have I left off? Oh yes, my new dating adventure. Stay tuned for a post about some poor soul that I appear to have offended, it should be hilarious and more importantly touches on an issue very near and dear to my heart, a future HEFFER PRIDE PARADE. More about that in my next post though.

So, I believe I have met someone normal! I know, I am shocked as well. On Wednesday or Tuesday a man that I will now refer to as Electric Man (serious, SERIOUS brownie points for those who picked up on the Family Guy reference) emailed me and we have been talking ever since. We seem to have a lot in common, especially with our personalities and how much we both love to talk and tell stories, so it seems like it will go well. I am still extremely skeptical, especially because of where I met him off of. As a result of this, I am no longer posting ads on that site. I no longer have time for the level of crazy that responds and also, I feel the Electric Man will probably be the most normal guy I meet off of there so I am just going to quit while I am ahead. Oh, and Jesus Christ the mother fucker COOKS! I have never met a man who can cook before!? Oh dear, definitely only a matter of time before I fuck this one up! We are most likely going out for drinks on either Friday or Saturday night. Even though I feel mildy comfortable and he agreed (without any argument) to meet up on Staten Island so I'm comfortable, I am still notifying Dora of my whereabouts on an hourly basis. I am sure serial killers usually make their victims feel comfortable as well, before they slice their throats open.

The only thing that really concerns me about Electric Man is how smart he is. This was one of the things that first attracted him to me, how smart I sounded in emails but emails are very different from texting. I take the time to carefully craft what I am going to say and how I am going to say it. Texting? I just let whatever shit to come out of my mouth flow. Speaking of shit that comes out of my mouth. Dora made a post about that very thing here. (Follow her btw, maybe then she'll post more) Granted those are only a few examples but you could definitely tell that I'm a winner. I am afraid that he's going to realize this and instead of appreciating it as part of my charm, turn around and have the biggest WTF moment known to man.

How this will all pan out? I guess we just have to wait and see...

new dating adventure, wherein I end up on the six o'clock news

So due to Dora's recent success, I decided to try another method of meeting guys. I will not admit what site it is, I'm still trying to get used to the concept but its one where many freaks hide out. I'm just being very cautious but honestly, so far so good. A LOT better than eharmony, especially since its free. Biggest mistake of my life was paying for that site. Lesson learned though.

I started talking to this gorgeous man who is WAY out of my league last night. Actually, I shouldn't say that because I once felt that Tight Wad was out of my league and clearly he wasn't. The whole time I just kept thinking to myself "Too good to be true, too good to be true". Then he started repeatedly asking for me to try and sneak out or to call him (I live with my mom, this was at 3AM) after I said no. Is this how 30 year old men act? Is this the norm and maybe I'm not used to it because I'm still in my early twenties? It just gives me the willies (yes, I did just say that) especially considering where I met him. He gave me his word that he's not a creep but let's be real, his word is going to mean shit when the K-9 squad has to dig up my body in Clove Lakes Park. While he's my type to a T, he is just moving way too fast for my comfort level.

Oh, you are probably what exactly possessed me to join this site? I came to the conclusion last night that I am like a dog in heat. Its bad. Like I never really complain about not "getting any" and I think a lot of my reason for it is because I'm not open to just a random encounter but, its getting bad. Right now I am at the longest point I have gone, I was at this point last year but I was dating Minute Man so I knew that relief was on its way. I did not anticipate that relief being for less than two minutes but, shit happens. Still I am not just looking for a fun night. I'm looking for a guy that I could be excited about again, that I could feel that connection with, that I could want to kiss and just have that attraction to.

All eharmony has bought me are complete dudes and I'm getting tired of it.

no, you can't make him take you out to dinner because you wanna wear your new outfit

So yesterday Dora and I went on quite the successful shopping trip. We went to Kohl's and I finally got a decent green work shirt for Friday's and some really cute sandals. Then we decided to hit up Woodbridge Mall and I went nuts in Macy's and Lane Bryant. I did really well, I got three cute outfits and four pairs of shoes in all. Then we went for lunch at Jose Tejas which was absolutely amazing. Great food and it is SO cheap! Best margaritas EVER btw :)

This is one of my favorite new outfits -


(just pretend that those shoes are brown, I could not find a pic of them)

I really wanted to wear this last night. If you recall, I was meeting bachelor #2 at starbucks. As you see, that outfit is WAY too much for just going out for coffee so I could not wear it :(

By the way, it went well. We had good conversation and it was not awkward, except for when we were saying goodnight. He's really shy and we were just like "ok, goodnight!" and yeah. Awwwwkkkkkwaard. I mean, we ended up closing Starbucks so that can't be too bad, right? I'm really not looking for anything so it will be no big deal if this does not go anywhere.

Oh and she'll have a shot of the 1800, thanks.

Last night I went out with Dora who was in much need of a night out. I hope I at least succeeded in taking her mind off of things and having her kick back.

So FINALLY I am on vacation! However, its only from school and unfortunately I happen to work at the one bank that is open on Sunday (including the 4th of July). At least I will finally get to the beach this summer. Usually by this time I am a different race but I am so pale right now, it sucks.

Speaking of summer, a year ago today Michael Jackson died. I still remember how I found out, I was laying on my couch doing nothing and Minute Man texted me because he heard about as he was driving home from work. A lot has changed in that year, for one I was with Minute Man and things were amazing. I was working at Lane Bryant, made absolutely no money and pretty much hated it. I was about to start at St. John's again, trying to prove to everyone that I was capable of sticking it out there. Oh, and I was extremely tan. That weekend I was going up to the poconos for my half-niece's wedding and getting reacquainted with a family that I have not seen in over a decade. I made the drive by myself because this was something I knew that I had to do alone. I saw many pictures that weekend and heard stories about my father that I never knew.

Now, only three hundred and sixty-five days later, so much has changed. I am pale as shit, have not spoke to Minute Man (who has a girlfriend) in a few months, I love my job and I make decent money, and I will never set foot in St. John's again. Instead, I am well on my way to becoming a court reporter. I also keep contact with my father's family and its great because I feel they are my one connection to him.

HOW MUCH HAVE YOUR LIVES CHANGED IN ONE YEAR?

the universe may not always play fair but at least it has a hell of a sense of humor.

Since the premiere of Sex and the City 2 is later this week I felt it would be fitting to title this entry after one of my favorite quotes. Of course I was a little skeptical about the sequal because I don't want them to kill it for me but it is already receiving good reviews.

I did not realize that its been ten days since my last post. I just did not think school and work would be as time consuming.

So court reporting... so far, so good. Just very, very challenging. Right now I am managing to keep up with it and am getting in a decent amount of practice each night so its not SO bad but it definitely is difficult to get used to. You have to type in shorthand which in itself is like learning a different language. It is definitely not easy but I know that if I keep up with it I will be fine. I feel like a high school freshman though. Since our real steno machines have not come in yet, we have these rentals that are like circa 1970 and they come in this backpack. With the machine and all of my books in it, the bag has to weigh at LEAST 40 pounds and sweet Jesus, is it heavy! I never thought I would look forward to having a wheely bag in my life. I like the school though, I made some friends in my classes and love that I am in downtown.

So this past Friday was formal. Due to a series of unfortunate events I was actually NOT attending this year, up until 1:30 that afternoon. In a quick rush I managed to get a mani/pedi/wax, buy shoes/pantihose and pack up my things by 4 and was on the road. It was a complete SHITSHOW and I was a disaster. I had a lot of fun, I danced my ass off, drank my face off and then cried my head off. If I remember correctly, I looked at the empty seat next to me and remembered that back when I was with Tight Wad, I never had formal date issues. Apparently I was laughing hysterically as I was crying because I realized how stupid I sounded. All in all, I had a lot of fun and I am really glad that I went. I really needed to let lose and that is exactly what I did!

So yesterday Dora dropped one hell of a bomb, that she was planning on moving to North Carolina. Obviously, that is one hell of a trek from New York City. I think I reacted the way any normal best friend would. I'm obviously not happy about the fact that she is moving far, far away but I agree with and am almost jealous of her motive of beginning her life. This does not mean I will be happy ABOUT it, but when the time comes I will be happy FOR (and supportive of) her. However, she needs to adopt an unconventional, non-domestic animal and name it after Atticus Finch, or else.

eighteen years, eighteen years and on the eighteenth birthday found out it wasn't his

I pledged my sorority in fall 2005 and KanYe's Gold Digger was playing EVERYWHERE so every time I hear that song I am taken back to me frantically driving up campus or us in the car, nervously driving to the pledge night. I always look back on that week and smile, even though it was very difficult I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

I headed to Lane Bryant today since one of my pledge sisters was working and I am in desperate need of a new wardrobe. I did not get much, just some bras/panties/a few cocktail rings. Ice Crotch is taking me on a much needed shopping spree after work on Saturday so right now, I am a very happy camper! Also Starbucks had half priced frappucinos today so I went and got one :) That was basically all that I did today, this is my last day of my summer vacation. I did my semester end paper-sort and tomorrow between orientation and work I am going to try and tackle the disaster that is my bedroom. If I don't get to it tomorrow, then definitely Friday before work!

So... I don't know if I have ever mentioned my cousin before. I will refer to her as Ms. Pulitzer. You'll see the reason as I explain more. Its hard to explain Ms. Pulitzer in a nutshell... Just that she tends to exaggerate things to the point of being obnoxious and its even better when I know the truth through an outside source. For example, she is now working for the census (along with my BEE EFF EFF Dora the Explorer) and totally fabricated everything about her new job while I sat next to Dora who told me the TRUTH about everything. Ever since we were little Ms. Pulitzer has always tried to one-up me or make me feel that I cannot measure up to her. I have no clue why she has done this but I does not bother me anymore. One thing is that all of the sudden she is a novelist. Apparenly she has books that are waiting to be published and is consider the "writer of the family", who knew? I had no clue that books that have yet to be writen (she asked me to practice steno while typing the book as she dictates it) can already have a publisher set up, especially for a first time author. I will tell you one thing, the second this book comes out I will take a bottle of wine and read it while dying laughing. She's not all bad, she has been there for me in times when no one else has and I am forever grateful for that. Its just she makes me scratch my head sometimes.

Speaking of family writers, I know for a fact that I one day will write a book. I have had an online journal/blog since I was 12 and even before then I just loved to write and think of stories. I have no idea what my book will be about though. I just hope that I remain as ridiculous as I am now, as I get older. Not only will I have material for a fabulous book, but I can guarantee that myself and any one who is in and will come into my life (future hubby, perhaps?) will have a blast. Maybe my book will be about finding love in the city? Or how to bounce back after a divorce and date good-looking men who are 20 years younger than you.. Whatever my book is about, or what happens in my life, I can assure whomever may be concerned, that it won't be boring.

so now i see through your eyes, all that you did was love

Not the usual type of post that I would make but I think I'll give it a go.

So today is Mother's Day. Since I have a good job and for once I make a decent chunk of change, I decided to get Ice Crotch something nice for MD. I went to Macy*s (which is like my DisneyLand) with Dora and found this pretty peridot journey necklace and just my luck - it was on sale! Ice Crotch actually cried when she saw it and I'm glad I could make her happy for once! While yes, she annoys the shit out of me on a regular basis I know deep down that she is really not that bad. When I think back to all of the crazy things that I have done (and still continue to do) I realize how much my mother has had to put up with. Not to mention she had to put up with it ALONE. I think I've mentioned this before but one thing that I hope to take from my mother is her self-sufficency. She did not marry until she was older (and had time to travel when younger) and when my father passed away, she was able to bounce right back up and raise her eight year old daughter as a newly single mom. It was as if she almost did not have time to grieve because she had to work on being strong for me. We are two entirely different people and I guess that is where our fighting comes from, because neither of us really understand each other. I hardly say this but I truly appreciate and love her for all that she has done for me. Happy Mother's Day, Ice Crotch.

So finals came and went and I am officially down with St. John's!! I have never been so relieved in my life! I completely trashed theology - the class is not transferring over so who cares what my grade is?! Instead of writing a research paper relating my own personal religious experience on the class, I wrote a completely opinion-based paper on why I think catholicism is bullshit. Then since I did not study for the final, I wrote my professor a rhyming story on the paper. I figured it was better than submitting a blank test. I will probably never have the opportunity to not care again so why not make the best out of it?

Cutting this short because I am absolutely exhausted and wish to join my cuddly pug in bed!