Tuesday, August 3, 2010

If you ever felt that I was normal, I am here to prove you wrong.

Seriously! I feel that I am so wishy-washy right now when it comes to these two guys. Usually I am one of those girls who craves male attention, to the point that I receive an instant high from it. Right now, I have two guys who I am attractive to, that are interested in me. The needy psychopath inside of me is just beaming and jumping for joy but on the outside? I am calm and as cool as a cucumber. Maybe I am growing older? Being more selective? Not sure but I think this change might be for the better. Maybe I'll finally learn how to separate sex from emotions? That IS on my Knot List, along with dating two men simultaneously. Also, I just checked that list and with the purchase of the new MacBook (last time I mention this thing, I promise) I have doubled my credit card debt. Womp, womp.

I also feel that I may have valid reasons (other than just being a psychotic whore) to not have a high level of excitement over either guy. Electric Man for one has canceled twice 1/2 times on me already (I'll explain the 1/2 in one minute) for our first date/meetup and we've been talking for over a month already. There is just so much attraction/excitement that you can build over emails and texts and I think that we maxed that out within the first week of speaking. Long story short, it faded a little (on my end at least) but I feel that given these circumstances, it was natural. To think, I was excited about this one too! Now, the Security Guard did something last night that really put me off. We started talking sometime last week (I'd like to say Wednesday) and had our first date/meetup on Friday. All went well, said we would definitely do it again. I had fake plans this weekend because I felt that we were not at that level yet where I give up both of my weekend plans for you. Plus I did make tentative plans with Dora that ended up falling through so its not like I lied, I just twisted the truth a little. We texted more or less all day Saturday and all day Sunday and yesterday since I was busy I did not get to text him. I got home from school and went for mani/pedi/shopping/dinner/foolishness with Dora so when he ended up texting me at around 5 I did not get back to him until around 10 when I got home. We did the normal "Hey what's up?" and when I answered he simply stated "I feel like this is going nowhere." Now, of course I knew what he was referring to but I played a-loaf just for his sake, hoping that he really did not mean it. He feels that we are getting nowhere with this because I am busy or he's busy. Mind you, valid point, however... WE JUST MET ON FRIDAY. We met within three days. Its not like I pulled an Electric Man on him and had no time to speak to him/canceled three times already, I just did not text him back until five hours later. We had made tentative plans for Wednesday, which he then canceled because something with his friend needed him and ended with how he was going to be busy too next month when he started fire school. Ok, his point? Shit happens. Granted, I am a busy little bumble bee but I am probably one of the least busy people I know. So I explained that my life is going to be like this for a while, at least another two years and he never answered. Maybe he came to his senses and realized what a little needy bitch he was being?

Seriously, I am going to put on my ad Wanted: A man who has balls and is not a needy little bitch. See how much response I get from that one!

So over the weekend Electric Man and I had made tentative (and weather permitting) plans to go for a walk somewhere on the island. Dora had taken an impromptu sick day from work so we ended up going out. I have not seen her in almost a week so I was not holding out on my possible plans. I get a text from him at around 7 from him canceling again because he had to do something for work. He only gets a 1/2 though because technically I canceled first. He then explained that I caught him at the worst time and how his life is really hectic right now so I simply said to just let me know when it calms down a bit. See, I'm not crazy like the Security Guard, I cannot even imagine what he would have done in my shoes.

I just don't get how normally I would kill for this male attention, to the point of dropping our things (and people) to make plans with guys and do anything in the world to make sure they don't lose interest, which is really counter-productive when you think about it. I just feel like I don't know what I want anymore and that alone is something that is making me crazy.

So I guess my search continues...

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