Monday, January 31, 2011

So now everyone knows how exciting my life is.

Today was the first day of the new term at school. I am now officially done with my theory classes and am in the 50-70 speed class. Since I am going for my 70, I can test out of this class within the next week or so if I pass the 70. Honestly, I cannot wait to do this. Aside from having my friends with me, I really cannot stand some of the people in my class and just want to get away from them and the negativity that they bring. Also the next class (80-90) is taught by the teacher that I had for my first theory class and she was amazing. I got my grades from last semester - two A's and an A-. Of course the A- kills me because its so close to perfect but I will definitely accept this. My term GPA is a 3.92 and it brought my cumulative up to a 3.89. I have never worked so hard and done this in school before, needless to say, I am extremely proud of myself. I have come along way in these last 9 months and I can only hope to continue my success.

DAY 12: Bullet your whole day.

• Woke up, let the snooze go off 10 times, every 5 minutes.
• Finally got out of bed and got into the shower.
• Straightened my hair, got dressed and was out the door in record time.
• Lugged my steno stuff and ice-skated my way to the bus stop.
• Hit no traffic and got into school super early.
• Received my new schedule and grades from last term.
• Practiced for a bit then met up with my friends and went to class.
• Went for lunch with everyone and then stayed later at school to practice.
• Met up with my mom and the bus stop and took the bus home with her.
• Ate dinner, cleaned my room and did my laundry.
• Finishing up this post, going to read for a little and then go to bed.

I have some stuff on my mind but honestly I am way too tired right now so I will write about it in the near future.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Maybe this is why I have such great luck with men.

DAY 10 Discuss your first love and first kiss.

I'll start with my first since it is a shorter story. My first kiss was with my first boyfriend. It was the summer going into my junior year of high school and I was 15, turning 161. I met him through friends and had really liked him. The day of the kiss I met up with him on the bus (he lived in Brooklyn and was already on it) and we went to Toys R Us. We were standing close and I had said something funny and/or cute and he smiled at me and I almost lost my breakfast. I guess I had never looked at his teeth before but they were disgusting. I'm not talking crooked -- although he does have a terrible tooth-to-gum ratio -- but like dirty, as though he had not brushed or flossed his teeth in weeks. To top it off, he was the worse kisser ever. So obviously this one did not last too long and I ended up being a complete bitch to him and avoiding him until he broke up with me. Perhaps this could be the reason for my bad luck with men. I would go on to kiss a dozen or so more terrible kissers until …

I met Tight Wad, my first love. He has this name because he was very cheap, at least with me. We ALWAYS split everything which is fine I guess but I can count on one hand how many times he had paid for me over the course of three years. I even paid for my 21st birthday dinner which was all of $10 because we had gone for half-price appetizers. Of course things weren't all bad, I did fall in love with him and stay in love with him for a long time. Things just felt natural with him but over time I realized in my heart that we were not going to be together forever. When my grandfather passed away, two and a half years into our relationship, he was not there for me at all. He did not even come home from school because it was inconvenient for him to come home on weekends that he had not planned to2. I just could not get over how disrespectful that was and for the remaining five months of the relationship I proceeded to make both of our lives a living hell. Of course I cried when we broke up, it was a chapter in my life that was ending and it meant that things were going to change. They say that breaking up is an act of love for yourself and the other person and after going through that, I could not agree more. While the relationship did not work out, I learned how to love with all of my heart and to be forgiving of others when they deserve to be given another chance. I also learned that I should never lose myself (again) in a relationship and that sometimes in life you need to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.

Side Note: To my knowledge, both of these men are in loving relationships, as is Minute Man. I am starting to feel like the female version of Good Luck Chuck. Awesome.

DAY 11 Put your iPod on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that pop up.

1) Spice Girls - Say You'll Be There
2) Weezer - Holiday
3) The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby
4) Foo Fighters - The One
5) Billy Joel - She's Always A Woman
6) L'Italiano - The Sicilians
7) Lady Gaga - Christmas Tree
8) P Diddy - Hello Good Morning
9) *NSYNC - I Drive Myself Crazy
10) Destiny's Child - Survivor

1. Being socially awkward and not knowing how to use a flatiron might have contributed to me being a late bloomer in this department.
2. Shit you not, those were his EXACT words.

Friday, January 28, 2011

My problem is that I focus too much on the future instead of living in the now.

DAY 08: A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

Honestly, I have yet to feel completely satisfied with my life. As of right now, I am content with where my life is going but until I get there, I won't be completely satisfied. I am just happy to finally have a direction, as opposed to just wandering around aimlessly like I had done for the first 22 years of my life.

DAY 09: How you hope your future will be

I hope to make enough money that I could live comfortably, without being in debt, and afford to buy the things that I want. I hope to meet the man of my dreams (yes, I believe he is still out there), marry him and have children. Most of all what I want is to just be happy. So many people go through life hating their job, their spouse and overall path they have chosen in life. I vow to never be that person and to wake up each morning thankful for what I have. Of course my life won't be easy, that man and I will probably fight (I mean, he's marrying me) and other obstacles will be thrown my way, but I hope to just keep my head held high through it all.

One of my resolutions for this year is to stop thinking about the future and live in the moment. This has always been a problem of mine, combined with anxiety surrounding what is going to happen. For one, take the situation with Dusty (AKA the new guy, he would understand the name). Things were going pretty well with that, he showed interest in me and treated me very well. Instead of enjoying it -- which I definitely did to an extent -- I constantly thought about what was going to happen. I have no doubt in my mind, based on things that he was saying and how things were going, that it would have eventually evolved into a relationship but now I am not so sure. I just feel that he was different from the rest, yet I did not treat him like that. Instead I treated him as if I was just waiting for him to fuck up and screw me over and never really gave him a chance. In an effort to prevent myself from getting hurt, I managed to push him away and mess up something that could have been great. Unfortunately I cannot change what I have done, all I can do is to just give it time and hope that if it was meant to be, it will happen.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I am bitch, hear me roar.

Today I took an impromptu day off from school because well, I can. My grades are already in so the absences won't lower my grade for steno and since my teacher can no longer give 70wpm speed tests, I really am not missing much. I am not sure if I want to take tomorrow off as well and just clean my room/organize things for the new term. I am definitely going in Thursday though. It is our last class with our teacher (until we hit the 160-180 class) and he was amazing. I don't know, I'll decide by the end of this post. So while watching Maury this morning and eating pretzels with Nutella (best couple ever!) I realized that I should take advantage of this day and not be lazy. I decided it would be a grand idea to put the TV stand together that came about a month ago and was still in its box behind the couch. I have been waiting now over three years to complete my bedroom and this is the final thing that has to be done. So I cracked open a bottle of wine (and its cork, for that matter) and somehow managed to lug the 80 pound box (which is as tall as me) up the stairs. True to my organized self, I laid everything out on my bed and once all of the parts and screws were accounted for, I went to work. I assembled the first half of it rather quickly but then ran into a part that required a second set of hands to stabilize the piece while I screwed it -- that's what I said -- in place. In total it took seven hours, cost me a ½ bottle of wine and a blood clot but I am definitely proud of myself!

Seriously, who needs a man?

DAY 07: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a true Virgo. I can go on and on about this but I will spare you and just post a few examples off of websites that display the qualities of a Virgo.

Highly intelligent, Virgos also possess a clever, sarcastic sense of humor that shows an awareness of yourself and others. You are also very observant and have an eye for detail. This is of course how you get your reputation for being fussy and nitpicking - you can see things that other people miss. You are a perfectionist and details are important to you. (Source: All About Virgo)

Virgo females also need to know exactly where they stand. She is not necessarily adverse to a brief romantic fling, as long as she is made aware of that fact from the very beginning. (Source: Virgo: Relationships and Compatibility)

While Virgos can be worrywarts, they do their best to temper these impulses. (Source:

Those are just some of the many traditional Virgo qualities that I possess. While I agree with my sign, I do not allow horoscopes to rule my life. If I did, I would not have dated half the men that I have had or be friends with some of the people I am friends with. I just think the facts are interesting, especially when my horoscope is dead-on for exactly what is going on with my life.

Oh, and for those keeping track, I am taking another day off tomorrow. I have to clean my room, put all my stuff in my new TV stand and go to the dentist.

Monday, January 24, 2011

30 not-so-interesting facts about yours truly.

Today began what I like to refer to as the "Stress free week of school" AKA the week between terms when academic classes have ended and all we have to go in for is our steno classes. While its a pain in the ass to wake up and commute for 2 hours (3 with traffic) in total just for one 90 minute class, it is really nice to have a week that I don't have to worry about studying or doing homework. Since I have gotten home from school I have been watching season two of Sex and the City in its entirety and I have never felt more relaxed. Or more self-aware.

Me in my sophomore year of high school. I figured this was appropriate for this post.

DAY 06: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

(I cannot guarantee that all, if any, of these will be interesting)

1) I was born and raised in Staten Island. I've lived in four houses, all within a three mile radius of each other.
2) I have 9 nieces and nephews and only two of them are younger than me.
3) I make amazing brownies from scratch yet if I make them from a box they suck.
4) I probably could not keep up a conversation in Italian yet I am able to sing Christmas songs for you.
5) I was banned from my senior prom one week before it.
6) I never got into Harry Potter. I made it halfway through the first book before giving up.
7) It took me 22 years to figure out what I am going to do with my life.
8) I have handled money in every job that I have had (with the exception of one).
9) When I was 8 I watched an episode of Unsolved Mysteries that absolutely traumatized me.
10) As a result, I need to have the TV on to be able to fall asleep. (unless I'm with someone else)
11) I know how to read and write in stenography shorthand, which is like a whole other language in itself.
12) I am obsessed with old things like buildings/billboards and such.
13) I have never left the country, or the east coast for that matter.
14) I SUCK at parallel parking yet I can maneuver into a normal spot like a boss.
15) I tend to use terms like "whaddup Oprah" and "shappens" in every day language.
16) I'm extremely sarcastic and have a really fucked up sense of humor.
17) Pink is my favorite color yet you will hardly see me wearing it.
18) I love pugs.
19) My current pug Tammy is lying next to me and my childhood pug Bandit is lying in a tin can in our wall-unit.
20) I still remember how to tap dance and all first five positions of ballet.
21) I have the ability to laugh at myself and sometimes I think it is the only thing that keeps me sane.
22) I'm from Staten Island and I have managed to get lost while driving to the Jersey shore.
23) I used to hate beer when I was younger but now I am developing a good taste for it.
24) I was born on my grandparent's anniversary.
25) I have never broken a bone in my life.
26) I have a vivid imagination.
27) SO vivid that in my freshman year of high school I made up a life to tell people since I was ashamed of the one I had lived.
28) I love sushi and could probably eat it every day of the week.
29) I've wanted to be a writer ever since I can remember and I swear I will have a book published one day.
30) It took me seven hours to compose this list.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Its sometimes a catastrophe but I would never want to end it.

Disclaimer: Suicide is not a joke. I am just a fucked up human being who deep down inside has a huge heart.

DAY 05: A time you thought about ending your own life.

Whoa. How about never? Seriously I have been somewhat depressed (I say somewhat because its not like I was diagnosed or anything, I was just sad) in my life but never that I actually considered suicide. I did, however, once do a basic cry out for attention and accidentally ended up on a sort-of "suicide watch". You see, in high school I would give anything not to attend class (a logic that once landed me in the ER for no good reason, this I'll explain at another time) and one privilege that we were given in school was to attend sessions with a school guidance counselor during scheduled class time. During a routine check-up the counselor gave me this survey (I assume everyone was given one) about mental wellness to fill out. Since I was feeling particularly bored that day I decided to check off "SOMEWHAT AGREE" to the questions about having thoughts on ending my own life. Instead of getting a weekly Get Out of Class Free pass, I ended up having to go to weekly appointments with a psychologist as per the guidance counselor. Believe it or not, the sessions actually helped me, until my mother was annoyed with all of my problems leading back to her and decided it would not be a good idea to see her anymore. Shocker. While I do need some serious psychological help, its NOT for suicidal tendencies.

In other news, I PASSED MY 60!! Did not even transcribe the 70 though, I dropped way too many words and then got frustrated and let a sentence or two go. I mean what could I expect? I hadn't really been practicing and I guess I just was not ready to take it. Hopefully I will get it this week so I could start the term in the 80-100 class, if not I will just test into it within the next two weeks so no biggie.

Also I have decided to attempt to take the "Just let it be and if its meant to be it will happen" approach with the New Guy (who needs a name… not only is not no longer new but the circumstances have changed) and I don't know, I guess its working. My main problem is that I just have to let go of how things were and what they could have been and to just focus on how they are NOW and what could BE. This has been a recurring challenge in my life but hopefully I can conquer it this time. I have to let go of all of the "This one is different" thoughts that I had once had and remember that at this stage - He is not different, I am not specialDate me, D.C.!) and I will be ok.

Welps, day six (I'm back logged) is to list 30 interesting facts about myself so I will do that tomorrow since I feel like going to be at a decent hour tonight.

Friday, January 21, 2011

How religious I am is relative to how much alcohol I have consumed.

DAY 03 Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I really don't have any views on this. I mean, to each their own as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else. I do believe that they should both be done in moderation and if you can't do that, than don't touch them at all. I know, much easier said than done.

DAY 04 Your views on religion.

I had the privilege of attending catholic school from when I was in preschool until college. Of course this means that I was forced to attend mass weekly, receive all of the sacraments and sit through a daily religion class. In high school I kind of rebelled against it and chose not to go to church or practice catholicism any longer, outside of what class/etc… that we had in school. When choosing to go to St. John's religion had no bearing on my decision. It was either go there or the local community college that I refused to go to. At St. John's you pay $30,000 a year (unless you are on scholarship or qualify for financial, neither of which I did) and you are forced to take 9 credits in both theology classes and philosophy classes. I don't judge people for what they believe in but I disagree when they force it down someone else's throat. Not everyone who attends St. John's is catholic yet they are still forced to sit through three theology classes. Last spring I was taking the first level theology class and our final term paper was to relate class material to a personal religious experience and since I was transferring out of that school (the theology credit not following me) I decided to have a little fun with the paper. I wrote about not having a personal religious experience and what I felt were the hypocrisies of catholicism. My professor was extremely religious and by the looks of my final grade did not quite appreciate my version of his assignment. Like I said with the drugs/alcohol question, to each their own. Just please refrain from forcing your religion down my throat. I am not a total atheist or anything. I do believe that there is someone up there but I am just not extremely religious or anything.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

In ten years, I'll be in my early to mid thirties.

… And that is one of the scariest thoughts EVER.

Day 2 of my 30 day blog challenge asks me where I would like to be in ten years. So let's see, I will be 33 turning 34 that year. I would like to be:

Married, without a doubt. If not, then dating a 20 year old male model who has the biggest dick I have ever seen.
I would like to have popped out a kid or two by this time of my life also. While I still have the strength and patience to deal with them.
A court reporter either freelancing or working in the Supreme Court.
Above all, happy with my life!
Living in either the suburbs or the city. Depending on income and such.

Well back to busting my ass for my finals. So far I have destroyed my medical terminology final and tomorrow I have to take my legal terminology final and my 60 and 70 WPM speed tests. Not going to lie, I am a bit nervous about this. I have not spent much time preparing for this final but I know it will be much easier than her previous tests. As far as speed is concerned, I am very nervous and I have every right to be. I started to get cocky and stopped practicing as often and now I am having trouble writing at 60 and 70. Sometimes I can get the 60, depending on the words being said but 70? Its kind of like a shitshow for me. I spent about 3 hours practicing at 60 today after school and tomorrow in between my classes I am going to try and practice for my 70. I don't have to get it tomorrow, if I do I will actually be ahead but I still don't feel like failing my first speed test this earlier on. I just have to not be so nervous about it and I'll be fine.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

30 Blog Challenge AKA the only way to make sure I post regularly.

So since Reverb10 ended up being quite the epic fail and I have not written much at all this year, I am deciding to do a 30 Day Challenge.

I found this somewhere on Tumblr and thought I should give it a try.

I'm currently not in a relationship but I am still sort of seeing the new guy. The reason I say sort of is because I went crazy (not too bad, just took it too far) and kind of deterred him a little. We hung out for a little this weekend and I believe things are going to be ok but they are still not back to where they were at this present time. We get along really well and have fun together so it would be cool if things were to work out. He's a gentleman too and that is something that I am not really used to so its a pleasant surprise.

As far as being single goes? I love it. I have so much that I want to accomplish for myself this year that I won't even think of being single as being lonely. While I am not on the prowl for one, I have been single for two years now so changing that wouldn't be a bad idea. I'm just not depending on it for my happiness, that's all.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

What is making my life right now.

Sorry for the lack of updates, its finals week in school right now and also I have been working in on a post for the last week but I am not quite sure of the situation and therefore how to write it. Hopefully soon things will be sorted out.

Besides chain smoking and consuming as much wine as I can, I have turned to a few things to help ease my stress.
I tried embedding it but it did not look right.

You will only find this funny if you are addicted to Angry Birds like I am. I find this fucking hysterical.

And like pretty much every other woman I am finding solace in online shopping. Makeup shopping in particular. A friend mentioned ELF - Eyes Lips Face to me and I am officially in love. From what I have tried (only lipglosses) it seems to be good quality and it is really cheap! I definitely recommend it, I actually just placed an order for mineral makeup since I have always wanted to try it and again, its cheap!

Pointless post but oh well, at least I made one. Enjoy the links!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Oh and Happy New Year?

Yeah, I'm a little late I guess. I cannot say I was too busy with the holidays, I guess I was just lazy. I hope everyone enjoyed their New Year's and made lots of resolutions that they plan to keep.

Here are some resolutions that I decided to make -

I for one, made a resolution to take a chill pill for this new year and ended up breaking that almost immediately. I ended up pulling a somewhat crazy move (not a biggie, just questioning something I had no reason to) with the new guy and I believe I might have fucked things up there. I don't know for sure but between him being annoyed with me and being mega busy at work, I have gone from speaking to him all day to not remembering the last time I had an actual conversation with him. I don't really know what to think or what I should think right now but all I know is that I don't chase guys. We seemed like we were really getting along there and that this might go somewhere but now I am not so sure. I know its cliche but I am a firm believer that if something is meant to happen, then it will happen so I guess we will just wait and see. I would be lying if I said that I would not be disappointed if this were the end of him and I but of course I would be fine and move on with my life. So I guess we try again with this resolution.

Of course I made the usual "Lose 1000 lbs resolution" and I think I am doing ok with that. I haven't gone back to a Weight Watchers meeting however I am just trying to eat better. When I get my finances back in order (almost there!) I am going to rejoin Planet Fitness since its basically open 24/7 and was the only gym I actually went to. I'm still eating (mostly drinking) the things that I want to, just in lesser quantities… That has to help somewhat, right?

The last resolution that I made was to completely get out of credit card debt. I am not in much and what I am in has zero interest until later this year but I am still having trouble paying it all off. My hours at work have decreased from when I charged up my cards so I am not paying them off as quickly as I had hoped. Hopefully my tax return will be somewhat decent so that I can pay a huge chunk of my bills off with it. As of right now, I have officially paid off ALL of my interest-baring cards! So far, this is the resolution that I have been most successful with. However, we are only 8 days into the new year and as we all know, this can change.

Also I hope to write in this at least 10 times a month and get myself to the point where I can post my link on Twitter. I know the chances of people that I know in real life are slim but just having the link out there is enough to make me cringe. Maybe this could be the year that I stop giving a fuck about what people think about me? I know that I have already said that if things do not work out with the new guy then I am officially becoming a slut this year. Because this whole catching feelings shit is getting much too old.

As far as school is concerned I really don't have a resolution, other than to practice more, I have more of a goal. By January 2012, I want to be either in the last class (180-225) or done with school. Its a biggie and it means that I have to practice much, much more than I already do but it needs to be done. Especially if 2012 (or the year I turn 25) is going to be the best year of my life.

Well, I gotta go get ready and figure out where I am getting dinner with one of my pledge sisters. Have a great night!