For those who do not know, a few weeks ago I traded in my beloved BlackBerry for a Droid phone. I ended up getting the Samsung Fascinate and I am in love with it and all of the cool things that it can do. The only thing I was missing was BBM. Most of my friends have BBM so it was just an easy way to keep in touch with everyone. Recently they came out with this new messenger named KiK that can be used with ALL smart phones. Intrigued and still mourning over BBM, I decided to download it. To make things easier KiK decides to make a list of "People you may know" and update it every time someone knew creates an account. I was fine with seeing friends of Minute Man pop up, even OK with seeing the Security Guard come up on my list and IM me. However, what happened this morning while I was sitting in my legal terminology class was just the last straw. I decided to open the application and what pops up on my screen? "You may know TIGHT WAD" … Yeah, NO SHIT I know him. I only dated him for three fucking YEARS. I have not seen or spoken to him in two years and honestly seeing his name just sort of threw me for a loop. I quickly closed the application and put my phone away in my bag. The guy who sits next to me turned to me and said that I looked like I just saw a ghost. I did, I saw a ghost of my relationships past.
For some reason seeing his name caused my mind to fill with memories, good but mostly bad, of all the times that we had together. Especially memories of our breakup which went from being amicable to be very, very ugly. That is the one reason why we vowed to never speak to one another again. While I know this is for the better and that no matter what I will NEVER try to, part of me still hurts that he has never tried. Like if I was such a great girl wouldn't he miss me even the slightest? Or at least wonder about where I am in my life and if I'm happy? I guess seeing his name there and knowing that he had the ability to contact me yet still did not is what hurt the most. I cannot even believe I am admitting this, yet alone feeling it. I know that I am over him and am in places that I never thought I would be in without him but part of me is still not over IT. Don't get me wrong, it was not a perfect relationship and it had definitely run its course but it was nice to love someone who loved me back and just really UNDERSTOOD me. As I have learned, its hard to find men who will put up with a crazy, neurotic moron like myself.
Finally after a few cigarettes and a cheeseburger I was able to snap out of my funk and focus on my steno test. I think I did pretty well and hope to get back my grade tomorrow. Its official though, we start speed building and testing next Tuesday. It will be our 20wpm test which I am not too nervous about since that is pretty god-damn slow. I guess it is just hitting me how fast this is going. I'm excited yet kind of nervous at the same time. I have never actually been on a clear path in my life and succeeded it at, so this is a first for me.
Don't forget to check out Mingle Monday! There are still a few more hours left to participate.