Thursday, December 30, 2010

You're just not used to normal.

Last night Dora had a rare opportunity - she was able to come out and play. We really didn't play, just went out for dinner and had some well-needed conversation. One of the things that we started to talk about was my situation with the new guy. Of course I have anxiety surrounding this, I have anxiety surrounding everything but from what I have learned in the past the anxiety is usually what kills things. This guy (will think of a name for him) has given me NO reason, other than the ones I create, to have any doubt in this situation so I just have to calm down. I really don't talk about him to my friends yet (its still in the beginning stages) so I tend to just act on my instincts/impulses and sometimes I do not do the best thing. Besides Dora the only other person I have discussed him with is Ms. Pulitzer, who ended up FUELING my neurosis as she told me about the negative intentions she feels he might have. THANK GOD for Dora because she definitely helped to ground me. She summed it up the best - "It seems to be going very well, and its normal. You're just not used to normal." and she's absolutely right.

I am not used to normal. I am used to a guy rushing things, not being sure about what he wants, not being sure about how to handle his feelings, etc… I am not used to a MAN that knows what he wants. This guy is slightly older than any guy I have seen and he is set in his life and career. He seems to have a great head on his shoulders and these are the things that attract him to me the most. Of course he is going to want to take things slowly. Also, I have never been in a successful "adult" relationship (or the beginnings of one). The last successful (at the time) relationship that I have started was when I was 18 years old. I am 23 now, things are bound to be different. My worrying comes from the fact that I do not know what to expect next. I am really not one to take a risk and jump into things not knowing whether or not I will get hurt. I have done things with him that I have not done with other guys, like initiating hanging out/dates. That is something that I would NEVER have done before because I feel that the guy should make the first move and that I would be needy if I did. Since I have learned to do that maybe now I can learn to just close my eyes and let it all happen.

Since New Year's Eve is tomorrow and January 2nd (I looked it up) was the day of my first post, I plan to do a "Year in Review" type of post. I don't have as many pictures for it as I would like so that is definitely something I am going to change for the next year.

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