Red Velvet Cupcakes

Like most people I did not get fat from eating salads and tofu all day long. I LOVE cupcakes, mainly all kinds. One day in March Dora and I had a bake-a-thon and we made awesome looking cupcakes and buttercream decorating frosting from scratch. One of my far-fetched dreams in life would be to open a cupcakery (patent?) and have Dora be like my head-decorator. Except everyone seems to be doing that now-a-days so its probably not going to happen. Anyway this post was not to talk about how much I love cupcakes, I'm not that much of a fatass… It was to give you one of my favorite recipes!

I do make an honest attempt (most of the time) to eat more healthy and lose weight so you could just imagine how stoked I was to find a recipe for red velvet cupcakes on Hungry Girl's website. These are absolutely amazing! Better than most red velvet cakes/cupcakes that I have had and what's best is they are only 140 calories per cupcake. Without further ado…



Ingredients:

Frosting

6 tbsp. Jet-Puffed Marshmallow Creme
6 tbsp. Cool Whip Free, thawed
1/4 cup fat-free cream cheese, softened
1 tbsp. Splenda No Calorie Sweetener (granulated)

Cupcakes

1 cup Devil's Food cake mix
1 cup Classic Yellow cake mix
Two 25-calorie diet hot cocoa mix packets
1/2 cup fat-free Egg Beaters
1/4 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips, divided
Entire bottle of red food coloring
1 tsp. Splenda No Calorie Sweetener (granulated)
1/8 tsp. salt

Directions:

Place half of your chocolate chips (2 tbsp.) and the contents of both cocoa packets in a tall glass. Add 12 ounces of boiling water, and stir until chips and cocoa mix have dissolved. Place glass in the freezer until mixture is cold (about 30 minutes). Meanwhile, preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a bowl, mix together marshmallow creme, cream cheese, and 1 tbsp. Splenda until smooth. Fold in Cool Whip. Place bowl in the fridge to chill until cupcakes are ready to be frosted. Once the cocoa in the freezer has chilled, give it a stir, and pour it into a large mixing bowl. Add the cake mixes, egg substitute, remaining chocolate chips, red food coloring, 1 tsp. Splenda, and salt. Using a whisk or fork, mix batter for about 2 minutes (until smooth and blended). Batter will be thin, but don't worry, your cupcakes will puff up once baked! Line a 12-cup muffin pan with baking cups, and spray lightly with nonstick spray (or simply spray the pan with nonstick spray). Evenly spoon batter into the pan. Place pan in the oven, and bake for 15 - 20 minutes. Cupcakes will look shiny when done. Once cupcakes have cooled completely, evenly spread the frosting over them.

Change is good, I guess.

I changed my URL so that it now at least matches my blog and the theme of it. Sorry for any inconvenience!

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Also be sure to check out this week's Mingle Monday over at Life of Meg

Precisely why I am not allowed to like guys.

I seriously cannot handle myself anymore. I mean don't get me wrong, I take pride in the fact that I am a neurotic little mess, hell I even have a blog about my life entitled "Color Me Neurotic" but sometimes I just take it way too far. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Now I have not really divulged into the mess that I have been with other men in my life. Mainly because I had not been blogging at the time or was and just did not feel like humiliating myself in front of the world (or whoever the fuck reads this). I could assure you that I have taken part in destroying some things. Tight Wad for one went really well, for a really long time but then when it fell apart, it was like the Vietnam War in the sense that it was prolonged, useless and not many (only him) survived. Since I have such a fucked up sense of humor I could actually laugh at the whole Minute Man situation. Unfortunately Dora is still trying to recover from that whole debacle. It is something that I can only describe as the "Train Wreck of Nikki Jo". I was deceiving, he thought I was some cool, level-headed, normal girl. When my neurosis surfaced, he ran like a bat out of hell. Obviously he could not handle me and who could really blame him? I'm a mess, however deep-down inside, I am an amazing girl who wants nothing more than to find someone who can catch her drift.

So it goes without saying that I am definitely one to lose her cool with guys. I guess it may be insecurity but I am not afraid of not being able to GET a man. Whatever, I'm overweight but I am still pretty and I have an awesome personality. I just am… different and as I have figured out, am too much for some people to handle. So I guess my real challenge is to find someone who can just accept and love me for who I am, flaws and all. I always manage to get excited when I find someone who just might do that and almost expect something to go wrong. I need to learn how to stop sweating the small stuff and just LET IT FLOW. I have to get over it and realize that just because it hasn't worked with anyone else does not mean that it will not work with anyone. I don't like to be blind-sighted with things so in my craziness I figure that if I prepare for failure I will not be hurt or affected by it. This all sounds somewhat logical except for the fact that I often take this preparation way too far and end up killing something that would have worked out otherwise.

I think I am starting to do this right now in a situation that I possibly have going in. This particular situation is not even blog-worthy (yet!) and I am still in KNOTS thinking of ways that it will not work. For sure I am going to drive this person away even though he seems to be fine with me being a crazy fuck. I don't know what the future holds for it though, I have yet to even meet this person but all I know is that my text message count with him is almost 1000 more than the ones I have with the members of my inner circle so maybe that says something. All I know is that I cannot worry about a situation that has yet to even develop. I guess I should be happy that I am at least logical and aware of my problem. I just wish that I could listen to my own advice and take a big fucking chill pill. Oh, to the man that I am going to marry - This will ALL be worth it, promise : )

Well since it is Thanksgiving...

I don't care if its cliche, I am making a post of all the things that I am thankful for. I am thankful for -

MY FAMILY Whatever, we don't always get along and its definitely not normal but that does not change what they mean to me.

MY (CLOSE) FRIENDS The ones who know how crazy I am yet still love me. The friends that I could go to for anything and know that even though I might sometimes be yelled at for it, they will never judge me.

MY HEALTH Because yanno, its nice to be alive.

MY JOB The economy fucking sucks. I feel fortunate enough to not only have a job but one that I like and make decent money at. Its great for working part-time and still going to school.

FINALLY KNOWING WHAT I WANT TO DO This one is a biggie. I've spent many years of my life unhappy and just not feeling complete because I never knew what I wanted to do. My life has improved tenfold, even things like my confidence have gotten better because I know how a direction. I am thankful that I finally figured it out.

That's my list for this year! Happy Thanksgiving : )

Songs that will always mean something to you...

Inspired from a tweet by Ashley Zarlin I decided to make a list of the songs that I would never forget. Everyone has them, those certain songs that will almost bring you back to a point in your life when you hear them. Here are my top 10 (because really this list could go on forever) -

10) Your Song - Elton John.
This is one of my ALL TIME favorite love songs. In a creepy moment The Security Guard sang this to me but it wasn't as romantic as I had always imagined. It was kinda creepy and a wee-bit too much for a first date. This song will be played at my wedding.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTa8U0Wa0q8

9) Forgot About Dre - Dr. Dre & Eminem
This song was my shit back in 7th and 8th grade. I remember requesting this on TRL non-stop until it was retired.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFcv5Ma8u8k&feature=channel

8) Oops! I Did It Again - Britney Spears
Obsessed was not the word!! I remember watching the Making The Video for this and DYING. On a more embarrassing note I recently found my diary from when I was younger and in an entry I actually wrote about being sad over this video's retirement from TRL. True story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CduA0TULnow

7) Big GIrls Don't Cry - Fergie
This song is basically what gave me the balls to attempt (he pulled me back once he realized what he was doing) to walk away from Tight Wad after the Shitstorm (or the whole summer) of 2007. It just reminds me of trying to be strong when I was being knocked down to the floor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6sqA9QtV5I

6) Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
I believe this song is still my voicemail message. This song always reminds me of going to summer camp when I was younger and everyone singing it on the bus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfRNRymrv9k

5) Suga Suga - Baby Bash
I hear this song and automatically I am brought back to my junior year of high school. No matter what this will ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and I think Dora knows why.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rgStv12dwA

4) You Make Me Wanna - Usher
Holy 5th grade Batman! This song will forever remind me of grammar school and to this day I still blast in when I hear it on the radio as an "oldie" (eye roll)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQRzrnH6_HY

3) I Like The Way You Work It (No Diggity) - BlackStreet
Another grammar school memory, except this is maybe 4th or even 3rd grade. About a decade later I would hear this song again and go on to have a rather slut-tastic drunken moment to it in the basement of a frat house. For many reasons, this song is without a doubt a classic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KL9mRus19o

2) *NSYNC - This I Promise You
I actually went to their No Strings Attached tour in 2001 and CRIED when the stage came out and they sang this. To this day this song turns me into mush and no matter what my future husband says, this WILL be our wedding song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45aGsuOcQO8

1) Gold Digger - Kanye West ft Jamie Foxx
This song was the number one song on my 18th birthday which apparently makes it my "Life theme song". Not only does it remind me of my 18th birthday but when I first started college. I remember driving like a mad-woman up to campus during pledging with this blasting. Will never fail to remind me of that time and bring a smile to my face.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY

What are some songs that you will never forget?

Massive feeling of accomplishment

In all of my years at school I have never done this well. I just amazes me how much I am able to accomplish when I put my mind to it but at the same time it also angers me because I didn't have to waste three years of my life but not doing what I needed to. Whatever, this post is not to dwell on the past and the what-ifs, its to celebrate how much I am kicking school's ass right now.

This week was probably the busiest one I have had yet, I had midterms in both medical AND legal terminology and my first speed test. I was actually kind of nervous about it. Not because I was afraid I wouldn't pass it, its fucking 20 words per minute if I can't pass that then obviously I am not cut out to be a court reporter. It was more because we are now starting speed and the whole thing is becoming real. Its not secret around school how frustrating it is to build up speed and all the time you hear about people failing tests and being stuck at a certain speed (both are inevitable) and I am just nervous for that. I am nervous because 99% of the time -- the only exception being when I pledged my sorority -- I have given up when things are gotten rough. Right now it is easy because 20 words a minute is not that fast, at all and given how much I practice I should have NO problem getting my 30, 40 or even 50. Its after that I am nervous about because a lot of people I know have gotten stuck at 70. I just don't want to get frustrated and give up. I have to keep remembering that there is a reason this profession pays so well and that just because other people give up does not mean that I have to as well. It all depends on me now and how much I practice, that and that alone will determine how well I succeed at this.

So how have I done on my tests this week you wonder? I got a 100 on medical terminology AND a steno test that I took last week. And my 20 wpm? I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING 100!!! I seriously feel like it is a right of passage that we are in speed now. Let's hope I kick my 30 wpm's ass too. I have my legal terminology midterm tomorrow and I have been studying my ass off for it so hopefully I do just as well on it.

Also, last semester I made the Dean's List for the first time in my life (and crossed it off my my 101 in 1001) and today our school had a little shindig where they handed us out certificates.


Oh yeah. Dean's List yeah.

Anyway off to study for legal terminology. Have a great weekend lovelies!

The best man I knew...

Today, November 11 is not only Veteran's Day but also would have been my grandfather's 84th birthday. He was an amazing man - a devoted husband, loving father and a great grandfather.

My grandfather was born on November 11, 1926 in Manhattan, New York. The son of Italian immigrants, he was the oldest of their three sons. Growing up my grandfather was best friends with one of my grandmother's brothers and the rest is history. They dated throughout their teen years and were married on September 17, 1949. My grandparents were blessed with two children, a son and a daughter and though it was not always easy, they made the best of it and provide a good life for their children.

I seriously hit the jackpot when it comes to grandfathers. I was super close to him because my mother was a daddy's girl and them being close led to him and I being close. After my father passed away my grandfather really stepped in and was a great father figure for me. He accompanied me to father/daughter dances at school, picked me up from chemistry review (read: detention) in high school and always offered his advice and listening ear.


Father/Daughter Dance 2001.

He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer when I was younger but it ended up coming back years later in 2008. After battling it for months he passed away on May 10, 2008. During that time I was taking an English class and the professor I had just changed my whole outlook on life and death. While I was crushed that I was losing a second father, I was very at peace with his death. One thing that my professor kept mentioning throughout the semester was making sure that you spent your "dash" (as in the dash between the year you were born and the year you will die) as best as you can. My grandfather was married to the love of his life for 58 years, raised and watched his two children marry and give him three grandchildren, made his only grandson a Yankees fan and had an amazing life. I cannot think of a better way that he could have spent his dash.

My grandfather loved the summer and the beach. Right now he is probably relaxing on the beach with a beer in his hand.

Why I am never downloading another app on my phone again.

For those who do not know, a few weeks ago I traded in my beloved BlackBerry for a Droid phone. I ended up getting the Samsung Fascinate and I am in love with it and all of the cool things that it can do. The only thing I was missing was BBM. Most of my friends have BBM so it was just an easy way to keep in touch with everyone. Recently they came out with this new messenger named KiK that can be used with ALL smart phones. Intrigued and still mourning over BBM, I decided to download it. To make things easier KiK decides to make a list of "People you may know" and update it every time someone knew creates an account. I was fine with seeing friends of Minute Man pop up, even OK with seeing the Security Guard come up on my list and IM me. However, what happened this morning while I was sitting in my legal terminology class was just the last straw. I decided to open the application and what pops up on my screen? "You may know TIGHT WAD" … Yeah, NO SHIT I know him. I only dated him for three fucking YEARS. I have not seen or spoken to him in two years and honestly seeing his name just sort of threw me for a loop. I quickly closed the application and put my phone away in my bag. The guy who sits next to me turned to me and said that I looked like I just saw a ghost. I did, I saw a ghost of my relationships past.

For some reason seeing his name caused my mind to fill with memories, good but mostly bad, of all the times that we had together. Especially memories of our breakup which went from being amicable to be very, very ugly. That is the one reason why we vowed to never speak to one another again. While I know this is for the better and that no matter what I will NEVER try to, part of me still hurts that he has never tried. Like if I was such a great girl wouldn't he miss me even the slightest? Or at least wonder about where I am in my life and if I'm happy? I guess seeing his name there and knowing that he had the ability to contact me yet still did not is what hurt the most. I cannot even believe I am admitting this, yet alone feeling it. I know that I am over him and am in places that I never thought I would be in without him but part of me is still not over IT. Don't get me wrong, it was not a perfect relationship and it had definitely run its course but it was nice to love someone who loved me back and just really UNDERSTOOD me. As I have learned, its hard to find men who will put up with a crazy, neurotic moron like myself.

Finally after a few cigarettes and a cheeseburger I was able to snap out of my funk and focus on my steno test. I think I did pretty well and hope to get back my grade tomorrow. Its official though, we start speed building and testing next Tuesday. It will be our 20wpm test which I am not too nervous about since that is pretty god-damn slow. I guess it is just hitting me how fast this is going. I'm excited yet kind of nervous at the same time. I have never actually been on a clear path in my life and succeeded it at, so this is a first for me.

Don't forget to check out Mingle Monday! There are still a few more hours left to participate.

Commercial break - An advertisement and previews of a new series.

If you are looking for more followers/blogs to read then I suggest you stop over at the Mingle Monday that Meg is hosting!

I'm also thinking of doing a series (I guess?) of posts entitled "Reason # ?? why I am still single" and posting something that I have already done that just might have driven a man away from me. I'm either going to call it that or "Reasons why I need to be on meds" because unfortunately both of those lists continue to grow each and every day.

The innocence of childhood...

When you're a little kid you ALWAYS have these real shoot-for-the-stars kind of dreams that you could be or doing anything that you want to in this world. When you get a little older, maybe middle school-high school those dreams change into more realistic ones and then as you approach the real world the reality sets in. You realize that you most likely will not be achieving those dreams and that are you in fact not as incredible as you once thought you were. I'd love to have a little kid's mentality again, so naive and innocent, imagining (and believing) that you had the world at your fingertips. You know, the way that you look at the world before you experience personal failure and heartache, before you learned to expect nothing so that way you would avoid any disappointment. I would like to think that as a child I probably was not neurotic. Actually scratch that, I had social anxiety. So ok, maybe I did have issues back then as well but I wasn't aware of them yet so I guess I did not worry about them much.

As a child my babysitter was the television and from watching re-runs of I Love Lucy and Saturday Night Live I fell in love with both Lucille Ball and Gilda Radner. I touched into my past Lucy obsession in this post. I always saw Lucille Ball and Gilda Radner as these two women who were hilarious and stopped at nothing to make people laugh. My far-fetched childhood dream was to be a cast member on Saturday Night Live. I guess young Nikki thought older Nikki would actually be funny but unfortunately, I was wrong. Not saying that I don't make my friends laugh because I definitely do, but I am definitely not up to par with a cast member of the show. I take that back, with recent seasons I definitely am as funny if not funnier than half the cast members on now but that really is not saying much given the show sucks right now.

What was your far-fetched dream as a child?

Holy shit… This thing is never coming off

So on Saturday I did something that is not me. Something that I swore I would never, EVER do… No, I did not have a one-night stand - I GOT A FRIGGIN TATTOO! My father was a sailor and had many tattoos, one being a naked woman on his arm and um lets just say when HE got older, she did as well. He also had his name on one set of knuckles and his first wife's name on the other and when I was little I would ALWAYS ask when they were getting back together. My mother loved that. As a result of that I kind of swore off tattoos and any kind of major body modification. That is until Friday where I somehow grew the balls to want a tattoo. I was debating between a pink heart or a little ladybug on my wrist but I am definitely happy with what I ended up getting.



If you cannot tell, that is the Open Hearts Collection by Jane Seymour (yanno, Dr. Quinn). When Tight Wad and I first broke up I was OBSESSED with this collection and the quote If your heart is open it will never stay broken and not only with that but I have also had an open heart towards other things in my life and I feel that it has helped me get through them. I love it and I feel that the tattoo is very "Nikki Jo". I am already thinking about my next one but I am not sure where I should put it …

Today was the first FULL day off (from both work AND school) that I have had off in a long time. What did I accomplish? Absolutely NOTHING. My room is still slightly messy (blasphemy) and I have yet to do my laundry. Whatever, I still managed to sleep 10 hours, get my nails done and spend $40 to rebound a book that cost me $60. I also spent some much needed time with Dora! I had not seen her in almost two weeks and even though we could not go roaming today (stupid early sunset) we went out to dinner at Chevy's and discovering that our Angel was hired back! It made our reunion THAT much more meaningful. We just happen to have one of those friendships where we could go weeks without seeing each other and just sort of pick right back up from where we left off. I know she is going through a really tough time right now but I would hope that she knows that no matter what I will FOREVER be there for her.